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  #1  
Old 03-31-2014, 12:29 AM
freethinking freethinking is offline
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Default Book of agony

Well let me begin by telling the back story, I am a 39 yr old married guy this is my second marriage. My wife and I have never believed in Monogamy and have been together since our early twenties. Didn't realize we were poly or what poly meant until we watched a tv show about it. About two years ago we decided to truly try a poly lifestyle be it a Poly fidelity style. She met a guy C about a year in and they have now been together for a year now. So B and C are happy and he and I get along great and it is going very well. So why do I refer to this as the book of Agony? I have been unable to find a girl friend of my own in a Poly fidelity relationship. Either they want to race to the bedroom or they simply want fwb. Or they are ok with the idea of dating until they realize my wife is ok with it. The only relationship that was going well was with my best friends wife which was going great other than he was trying to control the relationship and said he felt pushed into letting us date. Tho he was the one who wanted me and my wife B to talk her into trying poly. So there it is I find myself getting angry and depressed over my continued lack of activity in the dating scene.
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  #2  
Old 04-05-2014, 02:33 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hi there and welcome! I have read this is a very common experience for men who are partnered. Don't lose hope. Maybe your desire for a more "serious" or lasting relationship is getting in the way. What I mean is, we can't expect a relationship to be committed for the long term from the get-go. Most relationships start off casually, go through a get-to-know-each-other stage, and become more committed over time. So, don't add pressure to a potential partner by trying to steer it towards long-term too soon. Enjoy meeting people - dating can be fun. Get out there - try meetup.com, and other social situations related to your interests. I believe that there is a pretty active poly community where you are.
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  #3  
Old 04-05-2014, 02:38 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hi there and welcome! I have read this is a very common experience for men who are partnered. Don't lose hope. Maybe your desire for a more "serious" or lasting relationship is getting in the way. What I mean is, we can't expect a relationship to be committed for the long term from the get-go. Most relationships start off casually, go through a get-to-know-each-other stage, and become more committed over time. So, don't add pressure to a potential partner by trying to steer it towards long-term too soon. Enjoy meeting people - dating can be fun. Get out there - try meetup.com, and other social situations related to your interests. I believe that there is a pretty active poly community where you are.
Well said ..
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  #4  
Old 04-07-2014, 12:35 AM
freethinking freethinking is offline
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Thank you for the encouragement and yes there is active groups here and we participate in them. And yes I know not to put pressure on for long term but I cannot seem to find anyone decent for short term either but i keep plugging away at it.
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