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#1
08-03-2011, 10:52 AM
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considering poly but with a mono partner !!
Hi All,
I am in a monogamous relationship but there are times I wish I had other female companions I could spend time with romantically. A number of times in this 1.5 year relationship we've discussed my wish to see other women but she's not in favor of me seeing other women. I did meet a married poly woman (her husband was mono and was fine with her poly desires) and we discussed our poly desires. It was just chance I met her (a customer through a job I do part-time lol) but it made me think of what it was (or is) i really want. I love my girlfriend and she loves me. She says that if i start seeing another woman she told me I needed to tell her goodbye. She is ready to settle down and get married (she's 31) and I just got divorced a second time after a 10 year marriage (i'm 43 and have had 4 kids from 2 marriages - she has no kids and has never been married). I'm also sterile from a vasectomy (hallelujah lol !). I definitely have to decide what to do because I keep flip-flopping between wanting to marry her and wanting to have the freedom to date other women. Dating other women I don't think is an option she would be happy about as I shared what she gave me as a condition above. What do I do folks ? any suggestions ? 
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#2
08-03-2011, 02:49 PM
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Why do you want to marry her, making her your third wife?
Why does she want to marry you? Doesn't she want kids of her own? Or is she happy to be a stepmom to your four?
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley There's no lying in polyamory! I'm a 57 year old woman with 2 partners. I live with miss pixi. She's 35 (we've been together since Jan '09). I also have a bf, Ginger, who is 60, married, and lives a couple towns over from us. We've been together since Jan '12.
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#3
08-03-2011, 04:45 PM
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Sounds like you may love each other but are not compatible in a long-term committed relationship due to the fact that you both want different things. Happens all the time.
You can either drive yourselves crazy by trying to "make it work", or you can be honest with yourselves about what you really want and go find other people who are a better match for either of you.
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#4
08-03-2011, 04:47 PM
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why do i want to marry her ? good question. because i love her and we do enjoy our time together when we do spend time together.
could i marry her if she knew i wanted to see other women ? we've talked about this a lot a few times and she gets upset about my desire. i try to tell her that i would still love her if i was seeing another woman. i suggest non-traditional meet-ups in a half-joking way but she is very conservative and very monogamous. i try to downplay my poly-minded ways but the truth of it is it keeps cropping up in how i feel about women in general. i don't know. i think our relationship is doomed to end unless i conform to the mono lifestyle way of thinking. yes she does want a child of her own down the road and if we do marry i would be willing to have her get pregnant through artificial insemination(another donor).
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#5
08-03-2011, 05:04 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley There's no lying in polyamory! I'm a 57 year old woman with 2 partners. I live with miss pixi. She's 35 (we've been together since Jan '09). I also have a bf, Ginger, who is 60, married, and lives a couple towns over from us. We've been together since Jan '12.
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#6
08-03-2011, 10:48 PM
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Why does love have to be equated with marriage and making more babies? From what you've written, it doesn't seem like a best-case scenario for you at all.
__________________
Hot chick in the city.
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#7
08-03-2011, 10:56 PM
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Quote:
I have heard people who have been openly poly go back to monogamy because they love somebody who isn't comfortable with it, but I don't recall hearing any stories of anybody who has been mono for years and now thinks they don't want to be, deciding to stay mono anyway and be happy about it. I'm sure they are out there, but it seems unlikely since you have actually brought it up to her that you're interested in dating other women, that it's just a passing phase? Is there a chance you'd decide to stay with her, say you'll be monogamous, then cheat instead because you feel resentment? Have you discussed her options for dating others too if you are dating other women?
__________________
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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#8
08-03-2011, 11:02 PM
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Quote:
My husband and I used to joke about me having "boyfriends" but it really was a joke up until a couple of years ago. Now that I have a boyfriend, we still joke about it.
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#9
08-03-2011, 11:09 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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