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Old 06-19-2011, 02:03 AM
mightbeahippie mightbeahippie is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1
Question Universal Love and The Green Eyed Monster

Hello All,

I am not sure where to start, so I guess I will introduce myself. My name is A, and I am 28 years old. I live in America and was raised in a very religious and strict household. I am currently living with a man who I love more than I ever could've imagined. We actually met in the 6th and dated for a while...but I decided I didn't like him like that and we went back to being friends.
Fast forward a few years....I get a message on facebook from him. Before we lost contact, I wrote him a note saying that if he ever needed me, no matter what, I'll be there for him. The note says he is really struggling and needed me. We met a few days later and fell in love. It's been over 5 years now and things just keep getting better and better. He says that he fell in love with me when he saw me many years ago, and that all the girls he has been with have been practice for me. He is my best friend, my only lover, we are one. I have not been attracted to another man in years...although we both share a taste in pretty girls.

We broke up for a few months once, and during this time he met a girl named Jenny. They got pretty close emotionally, but not physically. They have been friends now for 3 years. I was very very jealous for a very long time. He knew this, and would hide the fact that he was hanging out with her. I confronted him one day in a fit of jealousy, and he admitted to having feelings for her (something I have known all along).

I have come to realize that society's idea of a relationship (among many other things) are extremely skewed. The idea of a perfect union is drilled into our subconscious from the minute we are born.
Why do I think of my lover as "mine"? He is a human being, not a commodity. If I really love him, it would be selfish to want to keep him to myself.

So here is why I am here......
I really believe that love is universal, and should not be limited.
I really want to be able to give my man the gift of ultimate and selfless love.
But I still am jealous......especially about Jenny. I understand that jealousy is an empty emotion, and I guess I am working on it, but it's still there.
There is also fear, fear of losing him.
Even though I know better, I still get thoughts like "what if he falls in love with her?", "is she prettier than me"? (which is silly cause I'm pretty hot, especially in his eyes)
So that's why I am here, to learn how to overcome those pointless emotions. To learn from others' experiences. To get sage advice.

Thank you for listening, I am sorry this was so long.
That is not even 10 % of what I wanted to say, but didnít want to make this too long.
Hope to hear from you all soon.
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Old 06-19-2011, 02:44 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Welcome aboard.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 06-19-2011, 07:34 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 182

Welcome Mightbeahippie, I'm half hippie myself

I can't offer too much advice, but you sound like you're doing really well. And I think all the negatives emotions you have raised are part and parcel of a journey.

You don't just arrive at point B, there's generally quite a few stops between A and B...and sometimes a few turns, where you may discover you were perhaps heading in the wrong direction...and have been for a time.

And then you might get your GPS out and work out another route..
Or consult a map..
Or stop and ask directions...which is what you have done..

Warm wishes to you
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Old 07-31-2011, 05:32 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I will share a few paragraphs from a blog article I recently read, which I think can relate to what you're going through:
". . . you fell in love with someone who was compassionate, loving, sensitive and caring... Expecting or asking that partner never to fall in love again, never to love another, is like asking them not to be themselves. I rejoice in the fact that my partner can and does love!

Sometimes people fear that they would never be able to handle their partner having another love... to this I pose the question: If you felt secure in yourself, and your relationship with your partner, if you had a solid and comfortable level of communication, do you think that you would still feel threatened by your partner having another love? Love is not something which one can quantify. It's not like we have a limited supply and we must remove love from one person in order to give it to another... Now time is something we have a limited supply of, but with communication, sensitivity, and honesty, we can come to arrangements which do their best to meet the needs of all partners... Of course, an important component in all of this is to get past some basic insecurities. To do that you have to trust and believe that you are deeply and truly loved for who you are, and not for superficial things like your appearance, your financial status, or the kind of car you drive.

Sometimes people fear that if their partner loves another, it must be due to some lack in them. Again, this has its roots in insecurity - You can love more than one person, very deeply for very different reasons, or for exactly the same reasons. It is not necessarily because something is missing, that someone connects with or has an affinity with someone else. In any case, we can never be all things to our partner(s) at all times. How burdensome and scary it would be to be the sole source of someone else's happiness and joy in life!
The rest of the article is here: Some of my thoughts on Polyamory.... It's a good, short read.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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