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Old 07-26-2011, 11:55 PM
Jems Jems is offline
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Default new here not so new to poly

Hello I'm new on the forum. Hubby and I have been thru some different levels of poly over the past 10+yrs...we are poly or at least I am. He didn't mind the no real strings attached "friends" which consisted of other couples. I'm more of a relationship person its not as much about the sex as it is the intimacy and relationships.
I currently have a BF hubby has no other so its tough sometimes. He keeps bugging me to get a GF but really not gtd that they will want a relationship with him too.
I'm bi and I'm totally tired of hiding that along with everything else but we have ayoung family and hubby holds a fairly promenant job so in the closet we stay.
Well I am happy to be here to talk to like minded people. As I said tired of hiding so this will be my outlet to talk... share... vent...
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Old 07-27-2011, 03:09 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jems View Post
I currently have a BF hubby has no other so its tough sometimes. He keeps bugging me to get a GF but really not gtd that they will want a relationship with him too.
These just sets my teeth on edge! "Get a GF" indeed! Why is it that we see this attitude so often? You're supposed to go out and bring someone home for him to diddle with? That's like saying "get a puppy I can play with." Who the hell would want to be that woman? You can't force poly situations on someone.

He just needs to find his own relationship. Keep investing in your relationships and encourage hubby to be open to finding someone and actively look for himself. If he's shy he just has to push himself beyond his comfort zone. He might get a lot of good out of posting here, too. Why not invite him to join?

Welcome!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 07-27-2011 at 03:11 AM.
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Old 07-27-2011, 11:03 PM
Jems Jems is offline
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Yeah I hear ya there and maybe I don't want to share my GF! God I would love to have one its been a long time since I have been with a woman...I miss it soooo much!
He is not shy, I just think its just he is not really poly. So for him going to find someone is not so easy being in his 40's not in great physical shape...just not as easy and he may not be shy but he is lazy. Besides we did have a 3rd a girl she was a cpl her and hubby broke up...sort of my doing I found he was a mentally and emotionally abusive and I opened her eyes to this...hubby and I continued to see her and she slowly stopped seeing me as much more time with hubby "til he was packing his bags and leaving with her...needless to say he is here with me and not with her so we fixed that up, but he is afraid of that happening again.
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Old 07-28-2011, 05:47 PM
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nouryia nouryia is offline
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Hi Jems...tired of hiding here too, I hear ya! I'm getting more and more claustrophobic in that "closet". New to this forum too and poly as well.
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