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  #21  
Old 07-22-2011, 08:24 PM
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I love more than one, but I choose the number of relationships I engage in.
There's where we differ internally. I love only one but could choose to have multiple relationships. I am a certain way but could choose to live in many ways. Very cool!...of course it would be an act on my part because I'm not poly
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Old 07-22-2011, 08:30 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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There's where we differ internally. I love only one but could choose to have multiple relationships. I am a certain way but could choose to live in many ways. Very cool!...of course it would be an act on my part because I'm not poly
The potential lawyer/loves to debate brat comes out in me...

You love more than one. You love your daughter, LB, RP, PN... you just love them in different capacities

<please note that the above brattiness was simply a that... brattiness>

I do understand that for many - that is the way it works. However - I still think that potentially the *potential* to love more than one is there - based on the above brattiness In your case, I'd say that potential has about .000000000001% chance of blossoming
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  #23  
Old 07-22-2011, 08:33 PM
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Default hi, newbie around!

after reading you all here, there would be so many words coming out from me, 'cause the thread is very interesting, but i limit my thoughts' river with:

IMO of course there are people who are born poly, who have always seen one's own self being poly but choosed for this current incarnation very difficult circumstances to live poly peacefully; some of us may keep on running in circles meeting humans which are not there for poly or, worst, people who think they are there for poly unions just to discover in a while that it was not true
so, for instance there are some of "us" poly from our birth who have to renounce to gather in a poly-marriage nor in a couple-relation.
there are some shifty-little-separated circumstances left to.. aehm..choose..

i must add: one's place of living may not help in meeting souls with same direction and intention.
(hope my written english is understandable enough...i've been postponing my posts and for a period my reading here, tonight i just jumped!)
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Old 07-22-2011, 08:41 PM
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You love your daughter, LB, RP, PN... you just love them in different capacities

My own lawyer has requested that I state "When I speak of love on this board it is the kind that includes, and is limited to, the kind that makes me want to express it sexually. That is a very different kind of feeling than the one I have for friends, children and metamours. I recognize that other people do not have this separation in regards to other people, especially children (which creeps me out), as it is often used for the multiple love argument.
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Old 07-22-2011, 08:56 PM
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Interesting question. I think I know that I have the capacity to love people at the same time, however I tend to live more or less monogamously.

What that means REALLY is that I don't hit it off with people enough to want to have a relationship/friendship AND sex very often, and in the past years the people I would have loved to explore more with were NOT in the position to do so-- i.e. married to other people with a not open or DA/DT policy, neither of which I will do.

And then the past... oh, 4 years or so my health was deteriorating, and then in the healing process, both of which took most of my time and energy aside from work and my children and my husband. I didn't have a lot of extra time, and I most definitely didn't have the energy to get gussied up and get the hell out and be in any position to meet anybody.

So now that I'm mostly back physically and getting there with energy... I'm open to the possibilities. But as I'm finding out, it may take me a while to meet anybody I feel that connection with. I'm good with that now. It used to bug me because hubs meets people EVERYWHERE! But I've gotten over the "fairness" of it all and realized that we are different people and will connect/or not connect in different ways.
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Old 07-22-2011, 09:06 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
My own lawyer has requested that I state "When I speak of love on this board it is the kind that includes, and is limited to, the kind that makes me want to express it sexually. That is a very different kind of feeling than the one I have for friends, children and metamours. I recognize that other people do not have this separation in regards to other people, especially children (which creeps me out), as it is often used for the multiple love argument.
Well - I don't have any sort of sexual love for my kids... that beyond creeps me out but they don't have a *vomit face*

I am seriously in love with one of my friends. She is A: very monogamous and B: straight. Leaves me with nothing but enjoying the friendship. And she is one of my bffs. Plus she has a great ass so I get to enjoy the view

As far as metamours - the one I *did* have, it had the potential to be a loving relationship - but personalities/wants/desires got in the way.

I think when it comes down to it... the ability/want/need/desire to love more than one or be in more than one relationship is individual.

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  #27  
Old 07-23-2011, 05:35 AM
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I think when it comes down to it... the ability/want/need/desire to love more than one or be in more than one relationship is individual.

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  #28  
Old 07-23-2011, 06:34 AM
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I heard somewhere that lust is taking and love is giving. Even when in love there is a longing for the person, but its not a lusty feeling. Its a taking or receiving feeling, but is created out of loving/giving simultaneously. I think this might mean the difference between lifestyle and identity some how. Not sure how to put that together. Thinking out loud. Maybe more between swinging and poly? Another topic, sorry, hijacking my own thread!
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  #29  
Old 07-23-2011, 09:27 PM
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Maybe more between swinging and poly?
I am leaning more towards this one!
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  #30  
Old 07-24-2011, 03:02 AM
serialmonogamist serialmonogamist is offline
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Default choosing not to love = sacrifice

I think the potential to love is not a choice. It is either there or it isn't. However, when structuring concerns are dominant, whether it be to protect a monogamous relationship from infidelity or to prevent having to further stretch your schedule with new partners in a poly relationship, I think people choose to sacrifice potential love in the interest of other things. It may be harsh or cynical to look at it this way, but I think if you honestly reflect on your life you would discover many instances where you sacrificed (potential) love or the pursuit/maintenance of love for some other concern. Is it a tragedy or just business or both?
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