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  #71  
Old 07-29-2011, 08:37 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by serialmonogamist View Post

I find what you're saying very mean in general to people who are subject to exclusionary attacks from other people. I usually respond to exclusion with reverse-exclusion because it's the only way to avoid the hater attempting to use any level of violence possible to make you go away. Ideally you would be able to love someone until they forgave you for whatever it is they hate you for, but as I said in some thread (maybe not this one), there is a culture of unforgiveness and irreconciliation. Some people don't want to replace exclusion with love. They just want to set boundaries and dominate other people with them.

And i find what you are saying creepy and stalkerish precisely because it indicates a lack of respect for other people's boundaries.
  #72  
Old 07-29-2011, 08:52 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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If it's just about people trying to avoid one another, then is it monogamy if your partner dies? Or do you need to stay in love with their memory and never date anyone else?

Yes, when you have a history, it's there forever. But the idea that monogamy would mean that once you have a date with someone you can't consider anyone else ever is so reducing that it doesn't qualify anything as monogamy. Even people who have only one long term partners have crushes when growing up, don't they?

EDIT: oh, and no, relationships aren't like cars. That's why it's an analogy. I'm trying to explain that "one at a time" is often shortened to "one" and that's why serial monogamy is shortened as monogamy and not polyamory. Especially since you can also have serial polyamory and it's a different thing.
  #73  
Old 07-29-2011, 10:31 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Especially since you can also have serial polyamory and it's a different thing.
That's right; poly relationships can end too.

I have another analogy. If I'm fired from my job, and I decide that I still have a "relationship" with my erstwhile employer, um... That makes me DELUSIONAL, not "polylaborist" or a "serial monoergonomist".

The thing is, I know the difference between the reality that I share with the rest of the world and the reality that exists only inside of my mind. Unfortunately, not everyone does.
  #74  
Old 07-29-2011, 10:43 PM
serialmonogamist serialmonogamist is offline
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Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
And i find what you are saying creepy and stalkerish precisely because it indicates a lack of respect for other people's boundaries.
Aren't you failing to respect my boundaries when you call me 'creepy' and 'stalkerish' or is that not a boundary I'm allowed to have?

Look, I tried to explain to you what I meant and you are just turning it into a boundary-respect domination game. Not everyone wants to worship a culture of total boundary-submission. Why do people who subscribe to that culture wish to push it on everyone else?
  #75  
Old 07-29-2011, 10:48 PM
serialmonogamist serialmonogamist is offline
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Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
I have another analogy. If I'm fired from my job, and I decide that I still have a "relationship" with my erstwhile employer, um... That makes me DELUSIONAL, not "polylaborist" or a "serial monoergonomist".
I think you could call someone who does more than one kind of work "polylaborist." I usually just use the term, "generalist," though. It's not delusional to say you maintain a relationship with previous employers by having them on your resume'. It is a way of showing that your work history with them makes you part of what you are.

Quote:
The thing is, I know the difference between the reality that I share with the rest of the world and the reality that exists only inside of my mind. Unfortunately, not everyone does.
Hopefully, you share the reality that people have diverse and multiple ways of looking at things and that you shouldn't dismiss some people's views as "deviating from reality."
  #76  
Old 07-29-2011, 10:53 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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This has become more than tiresome.
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  #77  
Old 07-29-2011, 11:11 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by serialmonogamist View Post
Aren't you failing to respect my boundaries when you call me 'creepy' and 'stalkerish' or is that not a boundary I'm allowed to have?

Nope. I said I found WHAT YOU ARE SAYING to be creepy and stalkerish. I have made a point to restrict my comments to WHAT YOU SAY and HOW IT COMES ACROSS. Your comments come across as creepy and stalkerish.

Furthermore, if you don't believe in boundaries, don't turn around and say you aren't having yours respected because that is an example of hypocrisy.

But I do admit that I don't have much respect for you because of the way you have presented yourself here.
  #78  
Old 07-29-2011, 11:32 PM
serialmonogamist serialmonogamist is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
This has become more than tiresome.
I agree but for some reason NeonKaos keeps challenging me to defend myself and I keep responding. I actually hate it when this happens. It's stereotypical masculine stubbornness, imo, and it's so difficult to de-escalate for some reason.


Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
Nope. I said I found WHAT YOU ARE SAYING to be creepy and stalkerish. I have made a point to restrict my comments to WHAT YOU SAY and HOW IT COMES ACROSS. Your comments come across as creepy and stalkerish.
So if I get insulted by what you say, that is not you crossing my boundaries? I guess I just get confused by the whole philosophy of respecting boundaries. When is that I get to choose my own boundaries and have you respect them, when other people agree that my boundaries are worthy of respect?

Quote:
Furthermore, if you don't believe in boundaries, don't turn around and say you aren't having yours respected because that is an example of hypocrisy.
I didn't say I don't believe in it. I said people take it very far, as you are doing now. They expect total submission to all boundary-setting and they attack anyone who doesn't respect any boundary set by anyone as some kind of terrorist. I think you should realize that boundary-setting can also be done very aggressively, as you have been doing to me in this thread.

Quote:
But I do admit that I don't have much respect for you because of the way you have presented yourself here.
What gives you the right to disrespect me?
  #79  
Old 07-29-2011, 11:35 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by serialmonogamist View Post
What gives you the right to disrespect me?
No holding much respect for you is not the same as disrespecting you.
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"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
  #80  
Old 07-29-2011, 11:39 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Serial Monogamist, your remarks make very little sense. If I responded to them point by point, I would sound as ridiculous as you do.
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