Mono GF having problems dealing.....

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by lovinhimloviner

She understands we are married and we still kiss each other good bye and good night but when she stays the night 5 or 6 nights out of the week I start to feel a little left out. H says I should at least be happy j is there all of the time so I am not lonely but I miss H and sometimes it gets to be too much.

Why is she there so many nights a week? Can you cut it down to 2 or 3? Also, just because she is there doesn't mean she automatically must get first dibs on you husband, if it's about more than sex. She can be there and just live her life, she doesn't have to co-opt your relationship! You can still have an equitable schedule whether she's there or not. Furthermore, it would infuriate me if I had to hold back affection for my husband in front of his gf if she is living that much with you. If she can't stand that, she shouldn't be there that often.

[redpepper]

Sooooo, he gets the gf that you have to suck up your feelings around in order for her to be happy every night and you bring home the pay cheque... hmmmm.... ya, this would not be my idea of a good time.

Really? You are wondering why you are crying all the time? I think it might be a good idea to ask her to stay home for a couple of weeks so as to re-connect with him and sort some things out. It seems like this is way too much time spent with her. Why doesn't he go over there some times anyway?

[LostRane]

I just wanted you to know I was following your post and reading. I am not sure how I can help but I am here to listen if you need a friend..

[sage]

This is such a different post from your earlier one on divorcing your husband and puts everything in a totally different perspective. You are giving away a lot, probably too much in order to have your boyfriend live with you who doesn't appear to contribute very much. Why can't he take the job that would be your second?

I agree the tears are a sign that too much is out of whack and needs a big sorting out.

[Minxxa]

I have to agree that it sounds like you are the one supporting everybody and there's not a lot coming back your way. There definitely needs to be a group discussion and some boundary setting going on, so that the weight of all of the responsibilities and compromises are more equally distributed.

In any kind of relationship any time one person is bearing more of the burden and responsibility and compromise and not receiving as much back, that inequity is going to build and build until it damages the relationship.

[lovinhimloviner]

ok I think I gave off the wrong impression here guys lol. I enjoy having her here if it were up to me we would all live together. It isn't that at all I just feel left out because when she isn't here H is sad and distracted. We have a lot more fun when M is here.

[lovinhimloviner]

Also I don't have to hold back from my husband I do out of respect for M. This lifestyle is hard enough. It is a new relationship and I really want it to work. Our family loves having M in our lives. I feel like I worded that all wrong maybe. I just want H to be more attentive.

[sundrop]

Have you ever thought that maybe you send her mixed signal I mean you tell her how much you love her being around and how much you love that H loves her . Invite her over talk to her all day , And then get online and tell strangers that you would like more time with your H . Maybe you should tell her talk to her I feel pretty confident she would just go away if you asked her too . From the begining I told you I dont want to come between you your family your husband

[BrigidsDaughter]

Sundrop - sometimes it is hard to pinpoint exactly what we need. We come to the forums and write it all out, vent what is on our minds, so we can better understand what we need. Sometimes that means talking to our SO or OSO and so on and sometimes we realize that it is us that needs to change our expectations. I think that lovinhimlovinher needs to explain to her H what she needs from HIM in order for her to continue to feel all the positive emotions she has been feeling about this relationship.

I know that when I am stressed and feel like I am carrying all the burden (even if I actually am not) it helps to let Runic Wolf know that I need him. I've found that when I don't talk to someone, I let myself feel responsible for more than I actually am, take on more of a personal burden than I can handle and don't understand why I want to cry for seemingly no reason. It took a while for me to let go and seek out Runic Wolf and Wendigo when I am feeling that way, because a part of me wants to spare them from that burden.

[lovinhimloviner]

I hadn't intended on getting on here ever again. Before my profile gets deleted I need to say that I never want sundrop to go away ever. My problems are with my husband and with my self. Learning to not be so selfish. I have tried everything I can think of to show that I am ok with it that I am ok with sundrop being here all of the time. Our problems are nothing bad just things that need worked out but I know it is my issues and that is what I have been saying all along. I am working on my issues and that takes time. I think Sundrop felt threatened by the comments that were left and started to step back again. This is not an easy lifestyle and I understand that. As far as all of the burden falling on me, while it feels like it at times like when I typed my previous post it really isn't. My husband works as many odd jobs as he can, and cooks dinner every night. J lives and eats with us for free so he does the dishes and laundry and tries to keep up with the house work. Sundrop works full time and is responsible for her self so her money is hers. I used to come here when I had a problem, like the original post, to get advise or to just hear others opinions and took from it what i thought would help me personally. I didn't come here to upset anyone. It was just a place where like minded people come who don't know me or the small town I am in. It was a safe place to vent. I have only sundrop and the guys to talk to about all of this. There isn't anyone I can truly trust in this town of gossipers and lairs. Everyone tells me that they mean what they say but when I say something no one listens or believes. This is not me trying to get sympathy or whatever it is me looking for guidance and support. That is no longer the case. I have asked for my account to be closed so I can learn to deal with all of this on my own. My problems are with me more than anyone. I thought I was being given time to work on that but I guess 2 months is all I get. I am sorry to everyone to bring this drama in here. Thank you all for your support and guidance.