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  #51  
Old 08-05-2011, 06:30 PM
jrrmjr820 jrrmjr820 is offline
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If he is open to poly and wants to try it knowing that most likely he will remain secondary and that he is free to explore other relationships if he is also poly as opposed to mono then I'll give it a go. If he's not, that is also fine and I will continue on my search.

I am not hurting right now. Things are better than ever with M and I and I have 2 great children. It would be wonderful to finally explore my poly side but if nothing comes of it, I can be happy with just M and the kids as my family. That is something that I have come to realize over the past few days but was still working out in my head and my heart. Again, I greatly appreciate the feedback and you guys letting me know when I need to pull my head out... And just take a chance.

I will let you guys know how it goes. Her last class is the 14th.
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  #52  
Old 08-05-2011, 06:38 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrrmjr820 View Post
If he is open to poly and wants to try it knowing that most likely he will remain secondary and that he is free to explore other relationships if he is also poly as opposed to mono then I'll give it a go.
Well, that's a criteria with anyone who seems to have potential and attractivness. I use it myself except for the "remaining secondary" bit, because... you never know... someone might warrant that too.
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me: Mags, 58, living with:
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my bf: Ginger, 61, married to:
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and dating (NRE): Carla and David, married couple, early 40s
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  #53  
Old 08-05-2011, 06:44 PM
jrrmjr820 jrrmjr820 is offline
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I can't say 100% that he would remain secondary but that is the most likely to happen. I am going to write a detailed letter and hand it to him at the very end of the class and include my email and cell number if he chooses to contact me. Also, I will give him M's contact info so that he can contact him for confirmation of his knowledge of the situation. It could all be moot, he could be dating someone and be mono and not interested. I guess I will never know if I don't try though.

Thanks for helping me take the leap, ladies.
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  #54  
Old 08-05-2011, 07:31 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrrmjr820 View Post
I have actually decided to write him a letter and give it to him at the end of her last class explaining things and giving him my contact info should he choose to pursue getting to know me better that is great but if not, I won't have to see him again and have it be awkward for us.
If inappropriateness is something that concerns you, the LAST thing I would ever do -- no, make that something I would NEVER do -- is put something like that in writing!!!

If you really are interested, maybe see if he'd like to get together for a cup of coffee or something. Keep it light, keep it friendly - you don't have to blurt out right away that you're poly, new to poly, married, wondering if he's interested, blablabla... develop a friendship first, see how it goes. Don't use the word polyamory unless he does first - if the subject comes up, talk about exclusivity, non-monogamy, as those terms are more familiar to people. But anyway, that's jumping the gun!

If you can't casually ask him out like any friend would, then just enjoy the crush and move on. But I would advise against giving him a letter. Besides not having stuff like that in writing floating around, it's simply overkill.

I think the newness of what you're doing makes it seem much more glaringly obvious and huge to you that you're thinking you have to make this a big important project or something (I can relate).

You know I was teasing you about staying indoors, but I think you got the message that we just have to take risks sometimes. Nothing ventured, as they say (but we can still venture slowly and with baby steps).
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  #55  
Old 08-05-2011, 07:45 PM
jrrmjr820 jrrmjr820 is offline
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Well, I am not sure that you understand. He knows that I am married as the class that she is taking requires that the parents attend the class with them. I also wear a wedding band. The reason that I thought a letter would be best is that I don't want the other parents to hear me asking out the teacher when I am clearly married.

As I am new to this, I don't want to accidentally out myself just yet. B has started to develop a friendship with one of her classmates and I would like to encourage her but I fear that if her mother overhears me that she won't allow her daughhter to continue it beyond the class.

I do tend to over think things. I am trying to take the leap without it affecting B adversely when he might not be interested in the first place. I guess that I just don't remember how tom date and being married makes it harder as I am sure that many a poly person found out if they started from a mono marriage.

I have felt chemistry with him and he has flirted back but he is an attractive young man and they do tend to flirt. B wants to make him a thank you book and I figured that I would slip the letter into it so that the other patents don't see it or something. Idk what to do, which I am sure is obvious.
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  #56  
Old 08-05-2011, 09:03 PM
jrrmjr820 jrrmjr820 is offline
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I figured out a way to kill two birds with one stone....I am going to invite him over for dinner after the last class and let him know that any significant other he has is also welcome. That serves the purposes of determining if he has an so or not and gets him away from the classroom setting and the other parents in a way that won't seem off like inviting him out with just me.

M has expressed the desire to meet him since B likes him so much and I will tell M my thoughts about him too. He already knows that I think he's hot but that's all that I have said because we both agreed that it would be strange for me to ask him out in front of the other parents and students.

I will invite him this week for next week so that he has time to plan and if he says no, well that's the end of it and I remember him fondly as a hottie and move on. He is not only physically attractive to me, he is very intelligent and that appeals to me more than looks.

Any thoughts? That keeps anything from being in writing as well and from me making a fool of myself if he's engaged or something or gay, who knows, lol. My gaydar is pretty good and it hasn't gone off but that isn't foolproof and if he is gay, that's cool too..
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  #57  
Old 08-05-2011, 09:37 PM
jrrmjr820 jrrmjr820 is offline
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Well, M says that inviting him for dinner is inappropritate in his opinion and refuses to talk about it anymore. I guess I was right at the beginning of the day, this guy will be relegated to the unrealized crush category and I will move on. M and I need to have a serious conversation tonight.

I need to know if he's really up for poly or not. He says yes but anytime I seem interested in someone younger than 39-40 he gets defensive. I think that he is worried that I will leave him if I start dating someone younger but that I am less likely to leave him for someone older than him. Idk what to think.

I will update later after our talk.
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  #58  
Old 08-05-2011, 11:48 PM
jrrmjr820 jrrmjr820 is offline
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He claims that he just doesn't think that it's appropriate for parents to be attracted to their children's teachers but I think that's just his excuse. He has told me previously that he prefers that I find a married poly man so that he won't feel as threatened by him but that it isn't mandatory.

He wants me to let things happen naturally and meet someone and see how things go but I just want the chance to find out if R we will call him even has any interest and he's "inappropriate". I told him "teachers are people too" and he goes yeah but they're teachers. I can almost guarantee that if he was older and married or even divorced or if all of a sudden my sexual orientation were to change to bi and this was a woman we were talking about that he would be talking a different tune.

Whenever I try to talk to much about this stuff, he shuts down after a few minutes. I mean R may have 0 interest but he could and now I will never know since he won't let me ask. I don't think that it's fair but oh well. Update you later.
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  #59  
Old 08-06-2011, 01:54 AM
jrrmjr820 jrrmjr820 is offline
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Well, we talked more after the kids went to bed. I am allowed to invite him over for dinner. His concern is that we can't be sure if he is open to poly and since he's B's teacher he could cause us problems if he has a problem with it in regards to the well being of the kids. I told him that it's not like I'm going to corner him and proposition him for sex, lol.
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  #60  
Old 08-07-2011, 08:50 PM
jrrmjr820 jrrmjr820 is offline
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Well, that will be a crush enjoyed and moved on from he is happily mono and engaged. That's cool though. We got Brenna's evaluation today and he wrote at the bottom..."B's reading is clearly advanced beyond her years." She has 1 class left and then we start school. We have her school room 90% set up. I have a few things left to do tonight after they go to bed including sorting and folding a mountain of clothes that I will put away tomorrow.

I guess that I will wait until our local poly munch picnic in September and see if imhave more luck among people that I kow are poly.
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