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  #11  
Old 07-18-2011, 11:56 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Phantessa, welcome to the forum. As a mother of 3 (now young adults), I salute you in motherhood.

New parenting is entirely overwhelming. It can make one feel distant, emotionally and romantically, from one's partner(s), as so much energy goes into the baby. And sleep deprivation can really kill the sex drive! My kids didnt sleep consistently at all til age 2 1/2 years. We did attachment parenting and co-slept with our kids because they needed it.

Sex with each other became sporadic. Like you, we didnt have trusted family nearby, and didn't feel comfortable leaving a child with a teenage babysitter until they were old enough to report to us how their evening went, which takes a good 2 1/2 til 3 years. Even then, we tended to do afternoon dates, to be home for the bedtime ritual the toddler was used to.

Once our youngest child turned 4, and was sleeping solidly through the night, my sex drive returned with a vengeance and so did my poly feelings.

I'd definitely recommend you put actually seeking other relationships on hold for now. Your primary bonds with baby and partner are paramount now. However, you can still be poly in mindset, if not in practice! Spend time reading up, and getting things in order with your husband, through counseling, dating when possible, small touches of affection, if not full on great animal sex lasting hours like in the good ol days.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
my bf: Ginger, 61, married to:
Robin, 60 (mono)
and dating (NRE): Carla and David, married couple, early 40s
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  #12  
Old 07-20-2011, 02:18 PM
Crescere Crescere is offline
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I have a 4 and a half months daughter, and I live with my fiance and secundary partner.. My baby loves my partner, my baby loves my fiance, my baby loves me. It all goes well and my secundary partner and her communicate great. He's lived with us since I was 7 months pregnant.

I think I agree with Magdlyn, don't go searching for another relation. Yet if you find one that's suitable I don't think you should hold back just because you have a child.

To be truthful, after I gave birth my sex life with my fiance was 0, sex with him was considered more to be making babies, and my secondary partner surely brought back the excitement and lust even in our relationship. My mind just needed the switch that sex isn't necessarily reproduction.

Don't forget that hormones could last afterwards for a very long time. Communication is very important between you and your husband!
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  #13  
Old 07-20-2011, 08:06 PM
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Newpolamory81 Newpolamory81 is offline
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I wish you luck!!! I am just starting in this poly phase of my life. My gf and I have 5 kids total. My Husband and I separated because he couldn't handle me having a gf, but we are now talking of trying a poly family. Our youngest is almost three and we have been together for almost 18 months. I am the stay at home parent. I feel drained as well as if I don't do enough for my gf. She works full time and I feel awful when she comes home and the house is a mess and the kids are screaming and fighting and dinner isn't ready. Kids are an extra stresser. The way I look at it, wait until your little one is about 2 or 3 to get more focused on the poly part of you. Then you will find someone who will respect you as the provider and mom and will know where they stand. Good luck with your hubby. Just don't stop talking, even if it's just about your day or his school work. It's important to talk.
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  #14  
Old 08-06-2011, 10:46 PM
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Phantessa Phantessa is offline
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Hey all, just wanted to give an update. The hubby and I have been spending more time together.. but more important laughing and enjoying our time together. I think part of the problem is that we just started doing our own individual things and avoided spending time together. We still have our ups and downs, but that extreme distance is closing. And now our little one is 7 months and doing great too. It's exciting to see her crawling around and trying to stand up! We're not actively exploring our poly side either, because we both recognize we need more time to reunite and solidify our relationship.
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  #15  
Old 08-07-2011, 05:54 AM
KGodc KGodc is offline
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Phantessa,

My husband and I experienced a similar pulling away after our son (now 2 1/2) was born. Only now are we doing better are paying attention to each other as much as we have had to pay attention to our son. Sometimes our stress levels (from school, work, and child rearing) are so high, our conversations also turn into arguments. To help with this, we have explored other ways of communication. When we have to remind each other about tedious things we both hate, we write notes to reduce the personal tension. We email each other almost daily just to say hi or share a funny website. We also realized that even with the help of or parents to watch our child on some weekends, we needed to figure out how to get a baby sitter for one day (a few hours) per week, just so we could be alone together. Life does get easier and more interesting as children grow up, but the communication has to continue despite the hardship. Best of luck, and blessed be. Try to think about all of the things you love and not all of the things that are difficult or annoying...after all, we all have our faults, but love is about focusing on the beauty, not the pain.

KGodc
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  #16  
Old 08-07-2011, 06:54 AM
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Phantessa Phantessa is offline
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Thanks KGodc. Also, I'm gonna steal that idea of leaving notes to take the argumentative sting out of some things.
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  #17  
Old 08-07-2011, 09:45 AM
dragonflysky dragonflysky is offline
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Having raised two sons I know it's hard to think about entrusting your little one to a teen-age babysitter....BUT...if you don't keep your marriage healthy and intact it can be harder parenting a child in an adversarial household or through a divorce. One thing I found helpful was to have a potential babysitter come over and spend time at our home with myself and the baby for a few hours for a few times. That way you can observe for yourself how they do. They can learn what routines you have for your little one, and your little one can get used to the sitter. When you finally decide to leave the baby with the sitter, make those first few times out short....maybe an hour or two.
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