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Old 04-23-2015, 10:56 PM
GracieX GracieX is offline
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Default My story around Poly and bigotry

Hello to everyone,

I am writing this post not so much to get all my problems solved but to hear if anyone has been through something similar, and to get thoughts, ideas, emotional support and maybe a lawyer referral.

I have a great life, greats kids, work I love, and a wonderful chosen family.

My situation is my husbands ex-wife has made it her life's work to attack our poly lifestyle. When my husband moved into my home with his two kids, she slapped him with a custody suit, stating that our home was unfit for children because of polyamory. Our lawyer at the time said if we were a gay couple we would not have been investigated by the court. It does not work anymore to say "My ex-husband is a bad Father because he is gay." But apparently if you put poly in place of gay--you may have a strong case. At the very least an investigation was ordered.

We are excellent, attentive, loving parents. We won our case and my husband maintained 50% custody of his children, who live with us half the week.

But this past fall she came after me. I am publicly "out", I write and do videos on my lifestyle. She threatened to censor my book--and really tried to do that! Her argument was that my book on my poly lifestyle would humiliate her children (my step children) and they would get beaten up at school. Even the lawyers said her declarations were "really shaming". Lol

It has been a terrifying fighting for my livelihood. I have probably internalized some of her shaming. There are days I feel blue. The only way to get my book out and not lose my publishing deal was to sign her release form that her lawyers drew up. I lost some basics rights--as I said I made concessions to get my book out. For example I can not do a public appearance or reading within ten miles of my home. That she was able to attack my livelihood has shaken me.

I am talking to a civil rights sexual freedom organization. They are smart and helpful but only take cases at a certain level that would set a legal precedent. I have to find a lawyer who understands the implications of my case. Some lawyers I've spoken to just don't get it. I hired one of the best publishing litigation lawyers in CA. He asked me after reviewing the release form--"Why do you think you need a lawyer?" So my search for a lawyer who really gets the civil rights violations continues.

I am sorry if this is a downer to read about. I love the thoughtfulness and intelligence of peoples posts. This is not a pleasant topic..I just need some support. As an example of how this is affecting me--I sat here for 30 minutes after reading the posting guidelines. I am not supposed to discuss the release form, but I feel like at a certain point its like a rapist telling you "Don't tell anyone I raped you." So, I am telling it like it is.

I thank you all for reading this!

Gracie X
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Old 04-24-2015, 04:54 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I'm not sure whether the "CA" in your post stands for California or Canada, but you could get in touch with poly activist and attorney Diana Adams. She practices law in New York but may be able to refer you to someone local to you. Her websites are: http://www.dianaadamslaw.net/nontraditional-family-law and http://www.feministoutlaw.com/.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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Old 04-27-2015, 07:13 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi GracieX,

There are a few sites that might be able to help you find the lawyer you need:
Sorry to hear your husband's ex is acting so cruel towards you.
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Old 04-29-2015, 09:29 PM
GracieX GracieX is offline
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Very helpful! I am going to contact her.
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Old 04-29-2015, 09:30 PM
GracieX GracieX is offline
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Thank you so much, I am going to follow up on these leads.

Gracie X
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Old 05-03-2015, 03:24 AM
Hmm Hmm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GracieX View Post
I am sorry if this is a downer to read about.
It's not the most blissful story to read, but it's reality and it fills me with pride to know you're fighting the good fight. I'm also appreciate to see you're self-aware enough to recognize your internalizing of the husband's ex's (step-ex's?) negativity. When hypercritical, self-righteous people come at you like a zombie, it can be really hard when it feels like they get under your skin, despite your best efforts to be tough like a diamond. But you're still keeping your head level and that's an effort I can't help but root for. Just like you love the intelligence and thoughtfulness in people's posts, reading yours gives me a chip more of hope for the world.

Best wishes,
Hmm
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