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  #81  
Old 07-17-2011, 12:10 PM
RobertCourage RobertCourage is offline
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Thanks Sage. I agree on the take it day by day approach. It's too uncertain and complicated to think about the long term. Every day in life is precious. So we can worry them away or we can embrace whatever we can to find some solitude, peace and happiness. That's what I am trying to do. My wife is meeting with T right now. She said she will be home in a little while and then she is all mine. So I am going to focus on the later part when get quality time with her and not obsess about right now. I woke up worried about the long term to be honest and quickly stopped because it's simply not productive. If the long term is a mess, I will deal with it then.
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  #82  
Old 07-17-2011, 12:24 PM
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Good on you Robert I think you are doing very well with this at the moment.
I wish you some good times with your lady.

Hugs
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  #83  
Old 07-17-2011, 04:24 PM
RobertCourage RobertCourage is offline
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Doing as well as I can. All morning I can't stop thinking about her and him an what they are doing, talking about, etc. Feels like I am being punched in the chest over and over. But have to deal with that and hope she is there for me later. Took a nice long run this morning to try and clear my head.

The honest truth is that the best way for me to deal with her being with him is to think about the sex and not the relTionship. The sex the three of us had was amazing. Best in my life. The sex she is having with him is abhuge turn in for me. So when I get really depressed about the 2 of them I focus on the sex and the fact that in a little while she will be home looking to have sex with me and will be all sweaty and sexed up from her time with him this morning. Thank god I am crazy enough to be turned on by that because it's a great coping mechanism.

One day at a time. Today it's one hour at a time.
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  #84  
Old 07-17-2011, 07:31 PM
RobertCourage RobertCourage is offline
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I can't take this anymore. She spent the whole morning with T and comes home miserable. She is tired of all the responsibilities of the kids. I offer to hire a nanny and she says 'thR kids will like the nanny more than me' or 'i don't have the energy to interview anyone'. WhAt the fuck am I supposed to do? We have kids. They need a mom. And mom doesn't want to do the job anymore. And I pay the price emotionally as she beats me up. And I get neat up while I try as hard as I fucking cN to support her new relationship with T.

I think she needs medication. I cant do this anymore. It's not about the poly thing. It's about taking responsibility for the world you chose to create.

I fucking hate this and think I am better off with someone who isn't so self centered,immature and fucked up.

I want to leave her as of this moment. There's nothing else that I do thy seems to help. Fuck this.
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  #85  
Old 07-17-2011, 07:45 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Sorry to say but I think you just got a little taste of my fucking world.

I stopped trying to make her life better/easier concentrate on yourself and kids
Good luck d
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  #86  
Old 07-17-2011, 07:52 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RobertCourage View Post
It's not about the poly thing. It's about taking responsibility for the world you chose to create.

.
I think you just found the true core of this problem. Sounds like a mid life crisis. Therapy might be a good option.
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  #87  
Old 07-17-2011, 08:43 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I think you just found the true core of this problem. Sounds like a mid life crisis. Therapy might be a good option.
This!
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  #88  
Old 07-17-2011, 10:17 PM
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I thought you and Dinged might have a lot in common. I agree that this is much more than a poly issue this is his Restless Heart Syndrome and a life gone crazy.

You guys need therapy and if your wife isn't getting support and feeling any better with her lover she really should consider putting that relationship on hold for a while. Has she said what she does want? Reflective listening could be a good technique for you here. When she talks don't try and have a conversation. Just keep repeating back to her what she's saying. It goes like this. She says "I can't deal with the kids, I haven't got the energy". You say,"you must be feeling really worn out and you haven't got much left for the kids." I know you want to fix the situation but it seems too broken to fix right now. The best thing you can do is help her to feel understood. When a couple is in so much pain one person has to get their head above it and focus on the other while letting go of all their pain, even if you have to set an egg timer to do it.

Oh and yes I know the pain of having to live each day an hour at a time. But you can do it. It feels really painful because you probably haven't felt much for a long time. Your heart has been cracked open by all this but I don't think you would be feeling this much pain if you didn't still love her. That being said you can't make her happy, you can only make you happy, although from where you are right now I'm sure all you want is some peace. Maybe take each hour and think about how you can be at peace with it.

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  #89  
Old 07-17-2011, 10:39 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I think you just found the true core of this problem. Sounds like a mid life crisis. Therapy might be a good option.
Agree wholeheartedly with Mono. This sounds like she's unhappy with herself and her life, so of course adding more people isn't going to fix it. A good counselor that she can talk to and gain some perspective would help immensely.
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  #90  
Old 07-17-2011, 10:59 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Don't blame her for wanting an out from her responsibilities -- we all want an escape sometimes. It doesn't mean you give in to it -- remember, she is venting, don't take it at face value, necessarily. She actually sounds depressed to me, but I don't know if medication is the answer. Could be a type of low-grade depression (Dysthymia), which is often undiagnosed for years. Maybe 5-HTP rather than anti-depressants would help. Could also be a form of ADD, which usually remains undiagnosed in women until adulthood. Hormones play a part, and symptoms for women usually include being easily distracted, disorganized, forgetful, and daydreamy. Women with ADD may have a low tolerance for stress, and extreme sensitivity to criticism

Well, I'm not going to diagnose her, sorry if I look like I am making assumptions, but just wanted to give you some ideas. I understand your anger and frustration but she sounds like someone in an emotional crisis who needs compassion and healing. Anyway, I think therapy should be a priority -- and maybe put poly on hold until she regains equilibrium and your relationship feels more strong at the core.
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