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  #141  
Old 07-20-2011, 06:07 PM
RobertCourage RobertCourage is offline
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Sorry to hear about your divorce. It makes me sad when I hear from people that it just didn't work out. I am still quite concerned this won't work for me either but I am just living day to day for now. If it comes to divorce I will have to figure out that next chapter if my life. I am not focused on the financial aspects. I know that my kids are the top priority and I will ensure that they are cared for. Since I am always on the road I don't need a big place so if I move out it's going to be a smAll apartment for me

But i can't think about that now. I want to try and ride out this storm. Maybe this can be the catalyst that helps both of us define what really makes us happy. And may be it will be the deciding factor in ending our marriage. Only time will tell so I am trying to give it that time before making any rash decisions. In the mean time she is being nice to me, being nice to the kids and seems to be open to listening to my needs.

It's very hard and I thank u all for sharing and supporting me
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  #142  
Old 07-20-2011, 06:16 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by RobertCourage View Post
Sorry to hear about your divorce. It makes me sad when I hear from people that it just didn't work out. I am still quite concerned this won't work for me either but I am just living day to day for now. If it comes to divorce I will have to figure out that next chapter if my life.
Thanks, Robert. Just so you know, it wasn't poly that made my ex and me part ways, we had many issues we couldn't see eye to eye on.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
Punk, 42, ex bf, manchild. I've been Punk'd!
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years
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  #143  
Old 07-20-2011, 06:21 PM
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vixtresses vixtresses is offline
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I don't really have much useful to say, but I'm following your thread and... I dunno, thinking supportive thoughts. You're a good guy, RC. Hang in there.
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  #144  
Old 07-20-2011, 06:24 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Don't allow yourself to be steam-rolled over, either.
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  #145  
Old 07-20-2011, 06:45 PM
RobertCourage RobertCourage is offline
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You are all too nice! I think I may be blushing lol. I really appreciate all the positive thoughts. I am not a new age, religious type of person but I have recently realized how powerful it can be to just think positive.

I will try to not get steam rolled. It's a delicate balance I have to strike. I will never be happy with the situation. That's just a fact. The question is can I tolerate the situation so that I can be happy with the other parts of my life? Thats what I Am working through. I will take some unhappiness if it gets my kids the family life I think they deserve. My friend calls me a martyr. Maybe she's right but I really don't mind sacrifice if I get something out of it

Its the first week back to my 'normal' schedule so we r still in the learning mode. I am guessing the weekend will be challenging. I really think transition points are a bugs challenge for her and me. Leaving for work for a few days is hard. Then it stabilizes. Then I come home to an uncertain situation which is Another hard transition. The hopefully that stabilizes. Then she sees hi
And has to come home to real life. Yet another hard transition. So I am learning how to work through those transitions sobthey can be smooth. But that will only come with experience. Thats part of the hard work.

She went to her counselor today. I wonder how that went. Session number 2 so not expecting much but i hope it's helping her.

Thanks Again.
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  #146  
Old 07-20-2011, 06:59 PM
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vixtresses vixtresses is offline
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I will try to not get steam rolled. It's a delicate balance I have to strike. I will never be happy with the situation. That's just a fact. The question is can I tolerate the situation so that I can be happy with the other parts of my life? Thats what I Am working through. I will take some unhappiness if it gets my kids the family life I think they deserve. My friend calls me a martyr. Maybe she's right but I really don't mind sacrifice if I get something out of it
This part worries me. On the one hand, I think it's pretty early to tell that you will never be happy with something (but then, that's because I try and avoid always/never/all/nothing statements in general), so I think it'd possibly be rash to make a decision based on that right now. On the other hand, I don't think that tolerating a situation you're not happy with for your kids is a healthy solution long term. Kids pick up on it when parents are unhappy.

Pay attention to that. Don't stay a martyr forever. You don't have to make an all-or-nothing decision right now, but don't sacrifice your happiness long term for someone else. I do think there are periods in relationships where one person is less happy than the other, and even times when one person puts the other's happiness ahead of there own, but it should balance out. It should be give and take.
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  #147  
Old 07-20-2011, 07:10 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by RobertCourage View Post
I will never be happy with the situation. That's just a fact. The question is can I tolerate the situation so that I can be happy with the other parts of my life? Thats what I Am working through. I will take some unhappiness if it gets my kids the family life I think they deserve. My friend calls me a martyr.
Vix: I think what he was saying here, is that he thinks he might be able to adapt. There are lots of things in our life that happen that we are never "happy" about, but we can learn to adapt and find our happiness in different ways.

ex. My husband shattered his wrist and required surgery to repair it. He lost 30% of his range of motion and has pretty bad arthritis now. He was in a very physical job and it took him over a year to gain back some strength and truly re-learn how to use his hand as it is now. He would never say that he's happy about it, but it also no longer makes him misserable (except when the weather changes drastically) and therefore he can still be happy in his life.
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  #148  
Old 07-20-2011, 07:18 PM
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vixtresses vixtresses is offline
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That makes sense, too. (Maybe I should preface or end my posts with something like "I'm a newbie, take my words with a grain of salt!" )

Still, though. I wouldn't want my relationship with my partner to be like a disability that he learned to live with. That seems like more negative than positive, and I have this idea that a good relationship is supposed to be at least as much positive as negative.
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  #149  
Old 07-20-2011, 07:23 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Still, though. I wouldn't want my relationship with my partner to be like a disability that he learned to live with. That seems like more negative than positive, and I have this idea that a good relationship is supposed to be at least as much positive as negative.
True, but I think it's a common struggle especially (from what I've read) in Mono/Poly relationships. For that matter, a lot of mono marriages as well
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  #150  
Old 07-20-2011, 07:27 PM
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vixtresses vixtresses is offline
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True, but I think it's a common struggle especially (from what I've read) in Mono/Poly relationships. For that matter, a lot of mono marriages as well
Oh, I agree. I guess it was the permanence of it. It just sounded like a forever thing that he was resigning himself to, and I think that a struggle is normal, but it should get easier later.... right? I hope?
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