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  #131  
Old 07-19-2011, 08:20 PM
RobertCourage RobertCourage is offline
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Yes, she gets most of what she wants (except more of my time to help). But materialistically she has no complaints, 2 vacations a year (one with kids, one just us). When I am home, I am extremely helpful.

I don't know what to say about the chicken game. The reality is that if we split, she will get the house, money, car etc. So I stand to lose a lot. I hope I can get into a therapy session with her. Not sure if she's wanting that.
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  #132  
Old 07-19-2011, 08:33 PM
jrrmjr820 jrrmjr820 is offline
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So sorry that you are going through this. I hope that you guys can work through this stuff. * hugs *

Last edited by jrrmjr820; 07-19-2011 at 08:34 PM. Reason: Typo
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  #133  
Old 07-20-2011, 05:34 AM
RobertCourage RobertCourage is offline
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Thanks Jrrmjr. Is a hard process and I appreciate your helP
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  #134  
Old 07-20-2011, 10:52 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Techie note learned long ago on Vbulletin boards: always check the "remember me" button when you sign in, or you will lose posts. Just log out when you're done reading and writing.
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  #135  
Old 07-20-2011, 02:05 PM
RobertCourage RobertCourage is offline
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It really seems as though the best thing is for me to travel. While I am away this week my wife is happy. I think she basically wants T during the week and me on weekends. I hope that when I go home this weekend she doesn't want to run off to see him. i am only there 3 days so i would hope she can focus on us while I am there. We will see. It's strange not being wanted at home. I offered to change my plans and come home a day early and she said don't worry about it. In all my years of travel for work i was always told tomget home as quickly as possible. This is weird for me.
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  #136  
Old 07-20-2011, 03:08 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RobertCourage View Post
It really seems as though the best thing is for me to travel. While I am away this week my wife is happy.
I've known a lot of sailors who had the same situation in my 20+ years of military service. I'm holding back on what I think to some degree my friend. I know you love your wife. You're heart is infinitely bigger than mine.

Take care and good luck with this journey.
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  #137  
Old 07-20-2011, 03:13 PM
jrrmjr820 jrrmjr820 is offline
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You're welcome, RC, hang in there!
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  #138  
Old 07-20-2011, 04:30 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RobertCourage View Post
I think she basically wants T during the week and me on weekends. I hope that when I go home this weekend she doesn't want to run off to see him. i am only there 3 days so i would hope she can focus on us while I am there.
Poly relationships don't work if only one person sets the rules of the game. If you want her focus and attention during your time at home, tell her in no uncertain terms that that is what you want and the only way you will work within this structure. YOU have a say, too!
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  #139  
Old 07-20-2011, 04:50 PM
RobertCourage RobertCourage is offline
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Totally agree and will be having that conversation.
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  #140  
Old 07-20-2011, 05:41 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RobertCourage View Post
Yes, she gets most of what she wants (except more of my time to help). But materialistically she has no complaints, 2 vacations a year (one with kids, one just us). When I am home, I am extremely helpful.

I don't know what to say about the chicken game. The reality is that if we split, she will get the house, money, car etc. So I stand to lose a lot.
I'm in the process of a divorce after now, 33 years marriage (we separated after 30). I was a stay at home mom for 22 years (we homeschooled our kids, I did most of that while he worked outside the home). I have our 11 yr old van, he has his commuter car. We couldnt afford to keep the house. I get support payments of 1/3 of his income.

Quote:
I hope I can get into a therapy session with her. Not sure if she's wanting that.
You're feeling powerless.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 36), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years
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