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  #11  
Old 11-20-2009, 11:15 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeventhCrow View Post
The mods are paying attention, thank you (though I am not hanging on every word in every thread in which you're participating). I have yet to see anything cross the line to where I will take action. The mods do not exist to quell disagreement and conflict--we're here to make certain the discussion remains reasonable.

I find the passive-aggressive threatening of another member with supposed impending moderator action to be amusing. You don't speak for the moderation crew, so please refrain from attempting to do so.

I see folks calling you on your behavior. I don't see ad hominem attacks launched at you. As long as the criticism stays focused on your behavior and not your person, it's acceptable on the board--because dissension is allowed as a normal part of reasonable discussion and debate.

It is up to you to take responsibility for your behavior and to settle differences with those you have a conflict with. It is not for the moderation crew to step in and save you. We'll deal with posts and posters who step over the line--we won't censor anybody simply because of conflict playing out on the boards.
I second Illusion-this is why I like this board.
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  #12  
Old 11-21-2009, 04:39 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I agree that Groundspirit has some explaining to do and some apologizing, but he/she will do that if they want to. Sometimes when people fuck up on a thread and don't think they have they are surprised when they are called to task. That doesn't mean that it is okay to let things slide, but I for one have learned from all this that perhaps I should take what people say with a grain of salt before jumping down their throats. Sometimes my passionate response to someone on these forums is not appropriate and I should find a place inside of me to patiently ask questions and inquire before deciding that I have the right to be defensive and demand answers.

Sometimes people just don't want to engage in the kind of inquisition that I demand and just want to stay on the path that they have chosen regardless of my feelings. That is fine, from here on in I chose not to engage them in any communication if they are unwilling to be respectful and honorable to our members and apologize. I just will stop writing on their threads and not engage them at all. I will start my own threads on the topics I find interesting and flat out ignore them... life is too short to be bothered with those that are not willing to do the work necessary to be a positive, loving influence in my life.

Groundspirit, I hope that my PM's have been helpful and you take to heart the words that I have said as I have said them out of kindness and concern. Please know that I for one am willing to engage in conversations with you on this forum as you have apologized to me in private... I do feel as if my mind can now be open to discussing what YOU want to discuss because I know something about you both and have some context. I am fearful that your approach to topics is too abrupt and needs to keep peoples feelings in check but I see in this thread that you have made an attempt to do that.

I would love to continue this conversation about "swinging" as I have things to say, but I too am waiting to know that Ceoli has and all of us have been apologized to with meaning. You were quick to judge and quick to silence and that was unfair. Here is MY final offer to give you space and hopefully safety to say you are ready to move on and are sorry for hurting our feelings.
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  #13  
Old 11-21-2009, 06:58 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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GroundedSpirit:

I am going to make this very simple and straightforward. Your behavior on “the sexual element” thread has offended many members of this community. Whether the offense was intentional or inadvertent, only you can know. But surely you must realize by now that you crossed the line. Your choice to pretend there is no offense merely compounds it. Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away. In fact the opposite is true, as you perhaps are becoming aware.

I am doing nothing more, and nothing less, than calling you on your disrespectful and unacceptable behavior. I would do the same with any other member who showed the same level of blatant disrespect, and I hope that should the time come when I am the offender, someone will call me on it so that I can make things right.

The problem as it currently stands is that you persist in refusing to accept accountability for your actions and to take any action whatsoever to rectify the problem you created. You still owe an apology to Ceoli and all the other members of the community whom you have offended. And until that debt is paid, I and hopefully other well-intentioned members of the community, will continue calling you out on it, and making other members aware that you cannot be trusted to behave decently. Because to do otherwise ensures the offense will occur again and encourages similar bad behavior.

It would be so simple to just admit your mistake, apologize, and move forward.
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  #14  
Old 11-21-2009, 07:03 AM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Just to be clear: My feelings are not hurt because they can only really be hurt by people for whom what they think matters to me. However, I do and will continue to ask for accountability for any sort of harmful assumptions that are made about my identity or the identity of other marginalized groups to which I am connected and don't accept the idea that such demands should be silenced.

I'm not the kind of person who holds grudges and I can easily move on. But this isn't about a grudge. It's about making sure that communication can happen from an authentic honest place. Groundedspirit claims to want this type of communication but frankly it can't happen without those basic issues of accountability and respect being resolved. I've yet to see either of those things from GS in the PM's and messages that were sent to me. I'm quite sure there are lots of good ideas to be exchanged and hope that there will be a chance to exchange such ideas. I look forward to knowing more of your stories too. But again, that can only happen if the lines of communication that you have broken get fixed.

Last edited by Ceoli; 11-21-2009 at 07:10 AM.
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  #15  
Old 11-21-2009, 07:26 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
. . . this isn't about a grudge."
I agree, Ceoli. It's not about a grudge. It's about acknowledging and solving a problem.
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  #16  
Old 11-21-2009, 08:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
Groundedspirit claims to want this type of communication but frankly it can't happen without those basic issues of accountability and respect being resolved.
This is it for me also.
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