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  #1  
Old 03-29-2015, 05:33 PM
tsmatt75 tsmatt75 is offline
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Good morning!

My hubby and I have been married 21 years, and recently considered swinging. But then realized that we really aren't all about the sex alone. We don't know how you can't have some kind of at least friendship for a while before sex developes. To us, that seemed like much more natural progression. And 3 months into exploring swinging we're finding that we enjoy meeting new people, flirting, doing new things with them, but while matching up 2 people is difficult enough, matching up four has been impossible plus finding people who really want friends with benefits... which led us to the idea of dating outside ourselves. And I found this forum and the lovemany site. But before I signed up, I noticed all the classifications and I was hoping someone here could help me out.

We want to keep ourselves the primary relationship. Everything revolves around that. We are definitely open to the idea of dating, liking and eventually sex with someone else so long as we are both comfortable with the ideas. (Personally, I'm hoping he finds someone who would be open to treating him to a 3some for his birthday). Also, we are not requiring the other people be single, or have sex with only us. Just that everyone is DDF, we have kids and jobs to protect.

So, with all that being said, could someone please help me choose what "category" we fall under? I've done some research and reading, but I also
can't seem to find quite the right information I need for everything. And I do also understand this is an evolving thing. Relationship are rarely stagnant. They grow, develop, change. So our ideas today wil likely change over time. But for now....

One last detail. I randomly found someone I like. But now we are looking for hubby. :-)

Thank you in advance!

Poly Friends Play Partner
Closed V Open V
Polyfidelitous
Triad
Open Triad
Other
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  #2  
Old 03-29-2015, 07:02 PM
graviton graviton is offline
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Does it matter? You are opening your relationship to others and "allowing" love and feelings to flourish, that's polyamorous. No two poly relationships are identical but the good ones have one thing in common; communication of boundaries and expectations between all involved.
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  #3  
Old 03-29-2015, 08:16 PM
tsmatt75 tsmatt75 is offline
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Uuummm... I don't know? I didn't want to give people the wrong impression. and I assumed I HAD to pick something? Lol, I could be wrong!
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  #4  
Old 03-29-2015, 08:35 PM
graviton graviton is offline
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I think simply stating you are in an open relationship is sufficient. It will scare away the people you dont want to get mixed up with and attract like minded individuals that know what is entailed in such arrangements. The particulars can be discussed after you get to know potentially interested parties.
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Old 03-29-2015, 08:43 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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How I run my relationships is very different than someone who is in the same relationship configuration as I am.

Do what works for you and your family.

Why do you feel like you have to protect your children from finding out? Hiding who you are and what you are doing can blow up in your face. Kids are not stupid. It is better you be open and honest.
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Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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Old 03-29-2015, 09:38 PM
tsmatt75 tsmatt75 is offline
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OK, Thanks for the advise. I meant that we wanted to protect them in terms of diseases. They need healthy parents. :-) I appreciate your input!
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  #7  
Old 03-29-2015, 10:22 PM
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zigzag zigzag is offline
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I think you have to find what suits you and not worry about labels. We have a very simple set of rules, 1. Nobody gets hurt. 2. Honesty. 3. Ethical

So no cheating, no affairs, no secrecy.

I'm sure our MFM hetro V looks very different from others, but that does not matter if everyone is happy.
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Happily living in an Open V.

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Me, M, 54 and married to Angel my girlfriend since school
Angel, F, 53, my wife and BFF
Wolf, 55, Angel's lover and my very good friend.
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Old 03-29-2015, 11:46 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi tsmatt75,

I believe the term for what you currently have would be an open marriage. If someone new becomes a part of your lives, then you'll become a V or triad. If yet another someone joins in, then you'll become an N or quad.

Hope that helps.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #9  
Old 03-29-2015, 11:51 PM
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HappilyFallenAngel HappilyFallenAngel is offline
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I find myself not very drawn to couples that "advertise" using a label. To me, labels give the vibe that the people are not interesting, free thinkers but are more limited in what they are able to accept relationship-wise. On OKC, there are quite a lot of coupled people who identify themselves as just that: coupled. The people who seem the most approachable and emotionally attractive to me say that they are in a non-mono relationship, date separately and are open to their partners meeting and socializing. That gets the point across without being weird or having to declare a camp or a style or anything coo coo like that.
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Last edited by HappilyFallenAngel; 03-30-2015 at 10:14 AM.
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  #10  
Old 03-31-2015, 02:14 AM
tsmatt75 tsmatt75 is offline
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Thanks for the input, everyone. I decided on "other" Lol. Figured it would cover everything. :-) Now just waiting for approval from the admin! Anyone know how long it takes?
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