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Old 08-27-2015, 07:17 PM
trishandbubs trishandbubs is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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Default New to polyamory


Looking for a bit of reassurance that I am normal lol. After much discussion with my husband about fantasies etc we arranged for him to sleep with a friend of his (they have been close as work colleagues and I always would call her his girlfriend) they had a great time and from this myself and this woman have become really close. They first slept together a couple of weeks ago and since then i have also joined them which all three of us agree is great.

Now this was only meant to be a non emotional experience but all three agree that we would like to continue this relationship and see how it develops as we have all got extremely strong feelings straight away for each other. She respects that I am the wife and everything has to be open and honest, and I give them both freedom to be on there own if they want. Now although we have all shared a bed a few times myself and this woman are not bi and only really kiss and cuddle but I really enjoy her company.

This all seems so natural but it has happened so fast. I have children and my husband isnt comfortable in them knowing about this relationship. Can this work where we are more interlinked than having separate relationships? We haven't set any rules as everything just seems to be working really well, what sort of rules do you set anyway as never had to consider anything like this. We really didnt think it would turn out to be a relationship but all wanting to make this work.

Thanks for letting me waffle
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Old 08-28-2015, 07:18 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Welcome to the site!

First, I want to put it out there that as far as I am concerned "normal" is over-rated, when it comes to anything that society says. You have to do what works for you, and the ones you love.

You are going to have to work some things out around expectations at some point. Best thing that I have found it to have a meeting about it and discuss what each of your needs, wants and likes are when it comes to life and the relationship. Make sure you all really know what each of you wants, and to explore areas that may be concerning.

When it comes to children there are different ways of doing it - nobody will tell you the one "right" way. Do you want the adults to all have some sort of contact with the kids, even if it's just as a "pseudo-aunt"? Just like your kids don't need to know the details of your sex life (or even that you have one!) you really don't need to share about who is sleeping with who.

But try to not lie about it, either. If kids get the perception that they are being lied to, what sort of influence is that going to have on their values when they grow up? "Well, heck lying is ok, our parents lied to us all the time".

That having been said, I don't have children and don't plan on having any, so others may be able to provide far better advice on that aspect of it.

Short form - relationships evolve according to the needs of each participant - that's fine - get some stuff discussed before the "honeymoon" period is over and real life kicks in.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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Old 08-28-2015, 09:08 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,971

Greetings trishandbubs,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have something really good going here, I am hopeful for the future. Take things slow and figure things out a little at a time. Interact with the folks on Polyamory.com to get answers to questions and such. As for the kids, I would just be prepared to answer their questions honestly, as kids can be pretty good at noticing things.

That's as much as I can think of for now.
Kevin T., "official greeter"


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