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  #51  
Old 01-26-2010, 07:30 AM
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Default Really hits home!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ourquad View Post
Mono, I have a bit of a different thought on this than I think has been offered as of yet.

Trust Redpepper.

You are the way you are (that is true for each of us). Redpepper knows who you are. Yet, she is with you. Consider why that may be. To me, it simply means she is willing to accept the way you are. That she doesn't feel limited or held back. (At least at this time.) She doesn't have a need to be with anyone else.

Bottom line is she isn't asking you to change. Why should you think you need to ask that of yourself?
Thank you Ourquad for this revelation.

This quote really hits home to me today. I've been struggling with being open and honest with myself which in turn keeps me hidden from LR. I have been discovering, or RE-discovering insecurities not yet dealt with, one of them being timid to take that next step even if I know that it's alright to do so.

Today LR forced me to realize that I didn't trust her with my heart in a particular situation, even when I thought I did. In fact, the thought that I WOULDN'T trust her never even crossed my mind.

Of course she would think of what I could handle or not handle if the situation included me, or pertained to me. I should have known that and trusted her judgement. If it was more that SHE knew I could handle, she would have asked me about it prior, or not even concidered including me to begin with.

I love her so!

Mono: you and I are so similar!
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  #52  
Old 01-26-2010, 07:38 AM
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Originally Posted by GreenGecko View Post

Mono: you and I are so similar!


I'm honoured you feel that way

Hope you are doing great, healthy and happy!

Peace and Love
Mono
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  #53  
Old 01-26-2010, 07:53 AM
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Talking

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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Redpepper gives me lots of time to process and doesn't require that I talk in the moment but honestly the time I spend unconnected feeds into a sense that I have ruined our visit so it is better to be uncomfortable in communication than disconnected for any amount of time with her.
This is the biggest heartache. That I've essencially "wasted" whatever time LR/I had to be together. The biggest heart BREAK however is that I didn't trust our friendship enough to just open up to her.

The disconnect is what hurts her most, and then I feel like a complete heel for allowing that to happen. Without connection, there is no point.

Opening up may be a struggle, but keeping that connection is utterly important in maintaining a relationship. It's the loving/ careing, respectful thing to do. You can't dilude yourself into thinking that avoidance will help in any way. That will ensure a really long, crappy day, or longer.

(And, when I say "you" here, I don't necessarily mean YOU MONO, just the praverbial(sp?) you.)
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  #54  
Old 01-26-2010, 07:58 AM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I'm honoured you feel that way

Hope you are doing great, healthy and happy!

Peace and Love
Mono
Working on it , thanks! You as well. Wish I were able to spend as much time here as LR. I'm really enjoying the posts I get to read, most of them are from you incidently.

Maybe LR will have better things to say about her day tomorrow now that I've finally decided to remove my head from my ass.
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  #55  
Old 01-26-2010, 08:02 AM
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Working on it ,

Maybe LR will have better things to say about her day tomorrow now that I've finally decided to remove my head from my ass.
You and I see similar views too it seems My bald head is a pefect fit for my ass it apears....if only I could change just a little.

Good night, my friend
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  #56  
Old 01-26-2010, 07:01 PM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
You and I see similar views too it seems My bald head is a pefect fit for my ass it apears....if only I could change just a little.

Good night, my friend
With any luck, and our own will power, we'll more than change, we'll grow, and strengthen our ability to truly love. Without condition and without effort!
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  #57  
Old 01-26-2010, 07:45 PM
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Originally Posted by GreenGecko View Post
With any luck, and our own will power, we'll more than change, we'll grow, and strengthen our ability to truly love. Without condition and without effort!
I don't think I want to change the way I love..there's nothing wrong with it. I just wish it was more in line with the way RP loves.
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  #58  
Old 01-26-2010, 10:24 PM
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We don't love differently, I just am willing and able to give my love more freely and to more people.
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  #59  
Old 01-27-2010, 12:23 AM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
.... Eventually she woke up and I admitted that I was not connected. She pulled the reason out of me eventually and as soon as I shared my concern with her, the connection was re-established and amplified. It was like opening a box in my chest and letting my energy out stronger and more powerful.
How lovely that the two of you can and do this dance of re-establishing conscious "connection" (as you call it)!

I've found that whenever I can't feel love (mine, ours, this... whatever) and then I reconnect with this energy/feeling/awareness that the contrast makes me realize-experience this energy/feeling/awareness in a fresh new light, often more expanded and clear. And when this is a shared experience, mutually realized-experienced, it is quite lovely indeed. It's always a healing and growing experience, is it not?
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  #60  
Old 01-27-2010, 01:17 AM
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It's always a healing and growing experience, is it not?
Yes it is my Friend
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