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  #41  
Old 11-23-2009, 04:08 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Mono, I have a bit of a different thought on this than I think has been offered as of yet.

Trust Redpepper.

You are the way you are (that is true for each of us). Redpepper knows who you are. Yet, she is with you. Consider why that may be. To me, it simply means she is willing to accept the way you are. That she doesn't feel limited or held back. (At least at this time.) She doesn't have a need to be with anyone else.

Bottom line is she isn't asking you to change. Why should you think you need to ask that of yourself?
Wow-can we say that to Maca too?????????????
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  #42  
Old 01-24-2010, 11:30 PM
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This morning I woke up next to Redpepper with a total loss of connection. I had been holding back some thoughts (it happens) regarding boundaries and how they might affect the future. The details are unimportant for now.

Because I was not being completely open I found myself incapable of letting my energy touch hers and lost connection. It was as if my portion of the entity that pulls us together was asleep or gone. This left me feeling empty and only thinking of our differences and not the shared love and source of our connection which overcomes everything to be together.

Normally when I lay next to her I will stroke her hair or snuggle. I couldn't this morning. Because I did not feel connected I felt as though I was not worthy to touch her. She was sleeping oblivious to this as I just lay there. Eventually she woke up and I admitted that I was not connected. She pulled the reason out of me eventually and as soon as I shared my concern with her, the connection was re-established and amplified. It was like opening a box in my chest and letting my energy out stronger and more powerful.

For quite a while I have known that connection is extremely important for my ability to share physical touch but I think today was the first day that I felt unworthy to touch her because of it. I essentially associate that connection with love. "Love" for me allows the potential for physical touch. Not a right to touch but an opportunity to touch if that touch is desired. Because in that moment I didn't feel love for her I couldn't allow myself to touch her. I was not honoring her.

Interesting and maybe completely weird but I thought I would share this.
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  #43  
Old 01-25-2010, 12:46 AM
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Mono-very deep. Thanks for sharing.
I know Maca and I have been experiencing moments like that. NOW when one of us is "holding something in" even if that one doesn't REALIZE IT, we FEEL it.
It's nice in a way-like an internal warning device or something... .
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  #44  
Old 01-25-2010, 03:36 PM
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This morning I woke up next to Redpepper with a total loss of connection. I had been holding back some thoughts (it happens) regarding boundaries and how they might affect the future.
Hey Mon,

Yea - a conscience is a terrible thing to have isn't it !
Seen this a lot, and experienced it. Sometimes just the "stuff" going on in our head can lead to feelings of guilt. Even when we're just 'processing' it and don't know what - or if - it means (anything), we have this feeling that we're withholding something. But when you're that close to someone you feel it - and THEY feel it. The downside of that connection & closeness. You all become pretty transparent
The way we deal with this is (hopefully) with respect but expectation. We're accustomed to approaching each other with a "what's going on ?" approach. They key for us though, is that we don't expect an immediate answer at that moment unless it feels 'right'. A response like "I'm just working through some stuff" is perfectly acceptable. No pressure. Sometimes after it's processed it's a non-issue and get's discarded. And you 'feel' when that happens - everyone does. Only when the disconnect seems to linger for some time do we allow ourselves to push a little bit to at least get a general idea of what's processing. The understanding & need of that is because lacking information - the imagination can run wild. Don't want THAT either - which is something we all realize can happen. So....
You guys are still relatively new to each other so you'll work out your own best communication methods. But it's an evolving process.

GS
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  #45  
Old 01-25-2010, 04:04 PM
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A response like "I'm just working through some stuff" is perfectly acceptable.
GS
We use this too. I have to work on saying this sooner sometimes though. I like to work myself up into an apocalyptic frenzy first though

I've identified the ability to take one small peice of information and skip way into the future to see the bitter end of how it all plays out LOL! The sad thing is...I think I am right!
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  #46  
Old 01-25-2010, 04:09 PM
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It's nice in a way-like an internal warning device or something... .
You should check out the song "Warning" by Incubus. I post it on my facebook a lot and remind Redpepper to listen to it as a check in. The lyrics are oddly chilling but relevant....and here they are!

Bat your eyes girl.
Be otherworldly.
Count your blessings.
Seduce a stranger.
What's so wrong with being happy?
Kudos to those who see through sickness...yeah

Over and over and over and over...........

She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.

I suggest we
Learn to love ourselves,
Before its made illegal
When will we learn, When will we change
Just in time to see it all come down

Those left standing will make millions
Writing books on ways it should have been

She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.

Floating in this cosmic Jacuzzi
We are like frogs oblivious
Soon the water starting to boil,
Now I flinched and we all float face down

She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.
Pass you by.
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  #47  
Old 01-25-2010, 05:56 PM
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She pulled the reason out of me eventually and as soon as I shared my concern with her, the connection was re-established and amplified. It was like opening a box in my chest and letting my energy out stronger and more powerful.

.
After reading this, Redpepper asked me why I didn't talk about how I opened up.
I thought about the importance of this. At first I considered the idea of her "pulling it out" of me as sufficient. That is unfair to the process if I simplify it that much.

First let's look at why I was hesitant to open up. A lot of what inhibits my connection is similar in nature. Usually it deals with my thinking I will inevitably make her chose between following certain paths and having me in her life as I am now. Because my concerns seem so repetitive they generate a sense of embarrassment within me. So I sometimes try to ignore them in hopes that they just pass. They don't.

Eventually it comes down to opening my mouth and just starting. Once the first words come out then I am in it. The cap is off and I just let it out.
Redpepper gives me lots of time to process and doesn't require that I talk in the moment but honestly the time I spend unconnected feeds into a sense that I have ruined our visit so it is better to be uncomfortable in communication than disconnected for any amount of time with her.
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  #48  
Old 01-25-2010, 06:05 PM
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Usually it deals with my thinking I will inevitably make her chose between following certain paths and having me in her life as I am now.
Mon,
What you saying here ? That you're struggling with 'sharing' her ? And that her sensing this may affect everyone's relationship ?

?????
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  #49  
Old 01-25-2010, 07:04 PM
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Mon,
What you saying here ? That you're struggling with 'sharing' her ? And that her sensing this may affect everyone's relationship ?

?????
Simply that our boundaries do affect the paths we chose. Same as everyone else.
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  #50  
Old 01-25-2010, 08:03 PM
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I'll go find the song.
Always adding to my collection.

I think we all have some of those repetitive worries. I feel silly sometimes too for the same type of reason.
But I agree with you-it's better if I just suffer through the discomfort of talking and have the connection versus suffering through not having the connection.

Struggling with that right now with GG.
Fighting between knowing that he as to step up and be the one to start the important topics sometimes (a forever procrastinator AND conflict avoider). But at the same time, I just want my connection back.
Day 4 today and I feel sick, literally. ARGHHHH.
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