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  #31  
Old 11-18-2009, 03:19 AM
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What would hurt me most would be that you would not be intimate with me if I were interested in another man also. That is what would hurt me. It would make me feel as I did in high school, which is a slut. Reshaping would not be a healthy option for me. Healthy would be to have you in my life as it is now. With all the love I can muster lavished on you to the best of my ability. If I am denied being able to do that I don't know what I would do.

Luckily I don't have to go there at the moment because if I did, my heart would break..... end of story. I'm choking up just thinking about it, so that is all I can say for now.
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  #32  
Old 11-18-2009, 03:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
What would hurt me most would be that you would not be intimate with me if I were interested in another man also. That is what would hurt me. It would make me feel as I did in high school, which is a slut. Reshaping would not be a healthy option for me. Healthy would be to have you in my life as it is now. With all the love I can muster lavished on you to the best of my ability. If I am denied being able to do that I don't know what I would do.

Luckily I don't have to go there at the moment because if I did, my heart would break..... end of story. I'm choking up just thinking about it, so that is all I can say for now.
God I totally hear that one RP. Maca is struggling this week. I've been copy/pasting Mono's posts to him in emails and they do seem to be helping, but it's been rough. He's just really dealing with a bunch of his own personal issues-but of course they impact and are impacted by our situation too. He couldn't figure out today why I said I was feeling heartbroken. I just stared. I didn't even know what to say. I'm feeling heartbroken because I love him so much and watching this is painful. I can't help worrying that I may be too much for him-and if he left, as you said, my heart would break. I'd be crushed and as you said-I'd feel like the girl I was labeled in highschool-a slut, unworthy of the man/men I love.
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  #33  
Old 11-18-2009, 03:36 AM
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Woah...no need for anyone to get choked up! Hello....I'm right here. In fact I'm on my way to pick you up right now...I love you XOXOOXOXOX
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  #34  
Old 11-18-2009, 03:36 AM
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I feel for you LR, I really do. I understand that feeling all too well. I sometimes wish I could just shut myself off and be mono for fucks sakes! Some days it's just all a bit too much for me and causes me so much pain to see Mono in pain trying to understand. I honestly wish I could throw up my hands and say fuck it, I lied, I'm mono and I want to be with you and you only. That thought breaks my heart also as it isn't true and I can't rationalize having a husband and child at the same time.... I feel my anxiety rise when I think of this and start going over in my head the possible future. I don't like it. Not one bit.

Yes my friend, I can certainly relate.

Stand strong and true to yourself. I know you are, but know that someone else understands.
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  #35  
Old 11-18-2009, 03:39 AM
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Mono, I have a bit of a different thought on this than I think has been offered as of yet.

Trust Redpepper.

You are the way you are (that is true for each of us). Redpepper knows who you are. Yet, she is with you. Consider why that may be. To me, it simply means she is willing to accept the way you are. That she doesn't feel limited or held back. (At least at this time.) She doesn't have a need to be with anyone else.

Bottom line is she isn't asking you to change. Why should you think you need to ask that of yourself?
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  #36  
Old 11-18-2009, 03:45 AM
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LR and redpepper: It's so refreshing to read what I could be writing myself. I was definitely not labelled a slut in high school, but in my 20s, it was said of me, "I give it six months. You'll be with someone else." and "I thought you were in love with _____".

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I can't help worrying that I may be too much for him
This is a big one for me.
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  #37  
Old 11-18-2009, 03:59 AM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Woah...no need for anyone to get choked up! Hello....I'm right here. In fact I'm on my way to pick you up right now...I love you XOXOOXOXOX
REALLY?????

no need for ANYONE to get choked up?

You aren't your way to pick ME up!

Just teasing.

I think I'm softly in love with both of you!

By softly I mean-that the pieces of each of you that you have shared with us here-I am in love with all of those. I know that you aren't either one a one or two dimensional person, and there is so much to each of you that we don't see, know, feel. But the parts we do see-I love!!!
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  #38  
Old 11-20-2009, 04:16 PM
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this is a beautiful thread.
it gives so much insight and hope into what is the human mind.
i envy and respect what you have established within your relationship.

the comments that follow the original thought/post are beautiful as well.
it really helps me to understand my two wonderful men and RedPepper, you put into words feelings that i've been trying to for some time.
i love so fully, 110% all of the time and love loving. i love that i am able to love my two guys with full heart. each of them is loved fully in a distinct and individual way, no two the same.

my bf understands how lucky we both are, and has mentioned to me time and again that he recognizes how lucky he is that i have allowed him into our lives so that he can feel that love and respect from a person he respects as an equal.

RedPepper explains for all of us what it is to truly love, as love knows no limits or bounds. at core, it is fidelity, just as LovingRadience described, and respect for another human amidst the undying care and love that we have for someone on a very universally individual level, if that makes sense.
Mono has expressed for us something that I think many of us have probably looked at or fought with along our journeys. The way that you have laid your emotions out and the conclusions you have come to have given insight into our own minds and at least for me, allowed me to understand that the ppl in our lives, well, they too are on a journey and will find themselves and be stronger for it, if their love is strong enough to begin with.

absolutely beautiful all. ty for sharing this.

Last edited by LifesRogue; 11-20-2009 at 04:20 PM.
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  #39  
Old 11-20-2009, 04:37 PM
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Thanks for saying that lifesrogue.
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  #40  
Old 11-23-2009, 04:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I feel for you LR, I really do. I understand that feeling all too well. I sometimes wish I could just shut myself off and be mono for fucks sakes! Some days it's just all a bit too much for me and causes me so much pain to see Mono in pain trying to understand. I honestly wish I could throw up my hands and say fuck it, I lied, I'm mono and I want to be with you and you only. That thought breaks my heart also as it isn't true and I can't rationalize having a husband and child at the same time.... I feel my anxiety rise when I think of this and start going over in my head the possible future. I don't like it. Not one bit.

Yes my friend, I can certainly relate.

Stand strong and true to yourself. I know you are, but know that someone else understands.
Thanks RP. I needed that. This weekend has helped SO much in the "drama" that was last week (when I posted above). Just getting out of here and beingwith someone else for a night totally enlightened Maca to so much of himself-parts of himself he didn't even know were there I think.
It's been intriguing to watch and to talk about.

I have to stay true to myself, but believe me you-if I hadn't found people who understand, I would be SO lost. I know-because I was. That's why I went searching!
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