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  #51  
Old 11-17-2009, 04:03 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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I think you've both shown courage in coming out.

I think that the courage involved in living relationships that rely on honesty and candor can also exhibit itself in candor when dealing with groups. That this group is electronic and fairly anonymous requires a bit more courage to be forthcoming--so kudos to you!
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  #52  
Old 11-17-2009, 07:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeventhCrow View Post
I think you've both shown courage in coming out.

I think that the courage involved in living relationships that rely on honesty and candor can also exhibit itself in candor when dealing with groups. That this group is electronic and fairly anonymous requires a bit more courage to be forthcoming--so kudos to you!
Thank you seventhcrow. I have to admit-that my stomach did flipflops because I feel like I have made some "friends" on here and I know other people who are aware I talk on here and could easily identify me by my log in.
But the truth is the truth and it's long past time that as a world we get on track with the truth. So here we are!
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  #53  
Old 11-17-2009, 08:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Rarechild View Post
I love that you concentrated on supporting me when you were doing the very same thing. That was truly some loving radiance.Thank you. I needed that today.

Thanks for sharing your story too- I am really encouraged by your success in managing and containing the disease for so long. Thanks for telling us about how it has played out for you two, especially the fact that it can go well when you tell someone. I don't think it would ever be easy, but I know that the fear can be replaced by education, compassion, and caring for the whole person. I know this because that's how I dealt with it when I was told by the one I loved that he had this disease.

I had actually looked around for a forum devoted to herpes/HPV to try to find some perspective on how to tell someone, but I'm glad to have sought support among this group,- it means a lot more to me to talk to people I already feel comfortable with about this.

So thanks again to Sunnydee.
That my dear is simply me. I don't believe in focusing too much on myself. If I focus on the care and loving of others-it seems to always work out better in the long run. But you are welcome. I read your first post and smiled a huge smile because I had already decided to "out" myself-but suddenly felt less "alone" in doing so.

It's not easy to share that information with people. I know especially in a poly life-it's difficult because you have to protect everyone that you come in contact with. That makes building a relationship a little harder-because so many "chances" fall away. But the other side of that is that you don't waste time in as many relationships that wouldn't work either.

Both Maca and Green Gecko have managed to survive my having herpes and still fall deeply, madly in love with me. Both have stood by me and stand by me. It's nice to know there isn't a "secret" hidden between us!
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  #54  
Old 11-17-2009, 08:29 AM
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Thanks to all of you for sharing. I feel truely honoured that you would feel safe to do so in light of the fact that there is still stigma around which you speak. Anyone who reads this should feel honoured too I would think. You have helped me understand and that to me means more acceptance. Acceptance brings people together to have more love and compassion. It all spreads and positive change happens because of it. What a gift you've given!

(I sound so flakey! And should be in that "spiritual awakening" thread, or whatever its called, but this is what that thread talks about! Sorry, I do mean it though )
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  #55  
Old 11-18-2009, 07:51 PM
sunnydee sunnydee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnydee
My original post: The vaccine for young girls is one of the reasons I bring this up. First, it protects against only 4 of the most common strains, 2 of the cancer causing ones and 2 for warts. Older women are never offered this vaccine. I'm not sure if that's just because it's considered too late (since anyone who's had sex is considered exposed) or if there's some other reason. If it's just the former, then an older woman embarking on a new .... set of choices for her life?... might want to find out if this vaccine could help to protect her."

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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I was given to understand (when my oldest child was talking with her doc about it) that it's not offered to anyone (regardless of age) whose already had sex. It was suggested that the reason was it was only beneficial to someone who hadn't been exposed. I'm not sure of the technical data on that. But because it became available here LITERALLY weeks after my daughter first had sex-they would't give it to her.
Also-it's not given to ALL girls who haven't had sex, the parents have to agree to it and in many cases have to REQUEST it.
I just talked to my doctor at length explaining that I am embarking on a polyamorous journey and that I have not previously been exposed to very many partners, etc. Because my education only began about HPV because they found irregular cells that they were concerned about, I've now been tested and now know that these were not caused by HPV and there is still no high-risk HPVs present.

She agreed that polyamory put me at a higher risk and that my history and tests made the vaccine a good idea for me. According to her, the only reason that they don't give this to older/experienced women routinely is that they have no studies showing it's efficacy for women over 26 and it's expensive and U.S. insurance probably won't cover it. It will cost $500 before I'm through with it, but I think it's a good investment for my particular situation. She says that there is no harm in it, it's not a live vaccine, and it may provide additional protection against HPVs that are similar to the 4 it contains. Protection starts immediately, though it's not considered complete for six months and three injections. I'm pretty happy with the results of this experience for me and hope it can be of use to others.
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  #56  
Old 11-22-2010, 04:41 AM
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I am resurrecting this thread because a close friend of mine just found out this weekend that she's been exposed to herpes. She's bumming big time about this. Her doc told her there are antibodies in her blood that show she's had it. She is very upset about it, says she's never had symptoms. I really don't know much about it but said I would help find info for her. She works long hours and doesn't have much time to research on her own.

She's trying to figure out when this infection could have occurred, and her doc told her it could have happened many years ago. We are both wondering how soon after an infection the antibodies can be detected. She uses condoms with her boyfriend.

She knows she has to inform any potential partners of this, but should she say that she actually has herpes? Is that what she now identifies as? A person with herpes? Or do she just say that she was exposed to it? It confuses us both that that is how her doc told her -- not that she has herpes, but that she was exposed to it. To add to the frustration, the doc also said that no test is 100% accurate, but it's probably wise to warn any current and future partners and get them to test themselves to see if they are at risk. I think what the doc told her is that if a potential partner also has antibodies, then my friend doesn't have to be so careful -- but for those who have never been exposed, I guess she can infect someone even if asymptomatic. But since no test is 100% accurate, it seems to me a good idea that she be tested again with maybe a different test for corroboration.

More info on the medication would be great. And as to the soap and water comment, I got confused. It kills the virus before infection? Meaning you should wash after sex before it has a chance to infect? If anyone has any knowledge to share, would be very grateful. Thanks in advance.g.

Earlier in this thread:
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
there are suppressant medications and when it is suppressed you aren't contagious . . . the real kicker is the virus can be killed with soap and water prior to infection-so again-WASH with soap and water is a good idea.
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Last edited by NeonKaos; 02-10-2011 at 02:08 AM.
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  #57  
Old 11-22-2010, 06:13 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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If you have antibodies-that means that you are a carrier of the herpes virus-which means you have it.

The majority of people who have it-have no symptoms or don't realize the symptoms when they do have them (itching is a symptom and it can be MILD itching).

Soap and water kill the virus PRIOR to infection-but once you are infected, the virus "resides" near the base of the spinal cord and there is no cure.

You do need to tell anyone who you are going to be sexually active with that you have the herpes virus.


COMPLICATION-
There are TWO herpes virus's-there is a test that can say WHICH one you have, but without knowing that it is possible to GET one and THEN get the other. Which means someone with type 1, can get type 2 and vise versa.

I.E. my husband has type 1, so it is "safe" for him to be with someone else who also has type 1, they both have it. But if he were with someone who had type 2, he could end up with that also AND they could end up getting 1 also.

SO it'd be nice if you could find out which type you have.

A LOT of people ASSUME that symptoms in one location or another will tell you which type it is, but that isn't true. You can get type 1 or 2 on the mouth (cold sores) OR in the genital area AND IN FACT you can get break outs ANYWHERE on your body from either 1 or 2.

There is more info on:

www.herpes.com

http://sfcityclinic.org/stdbasics/

I particularly like that second link. They have a great wealth of info that you can cross reference various ways.

Also-thread on safe sex that has info:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1190
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  #58  
Old 11-22-2010, 06:31 AM
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Hi LR,
Thank you - I did find some info about the tests on http://www.herpesdiagnosis.com/blood.html and she did find out which test was done and her doc told her that the test shows HSV2. I also just found this site and sent her the link: http://www.herpesite.org/index.html

I will check out your links, too.

Since my original post, my friend realized she has had outbreaks - on her butt! Never anywhere else but there. It seems that on some websites, they call that sacral herpes. Every now & then it would flare up but she says it was always pretty small, so she never thought it was herpes. She just thought it was a rash, and doesn't understand how it never showed up in exams before. She thinks she's been tested for it.

The relationship with her boyfriend is pretty new, so she feels terrible and embarrassed about having to tell him.
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"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 02-10-2011 at 02:09 AM.
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  #59  
Old 11-22-2010, 11:39 AM
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girlcaleb girlcaleb is offline
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I haven't read all the replies so I may be repeating, but there is a vaccine out. I know it was market for teens so I am not sure of any age restrictions. I have not used it and I am not sure if it is still on the market but I was excited to hear about it a few years back.
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  #60  
Old 11-22-2010, 05:32 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by girlcaleb View Post
I haven't read all the replies so I may be repeating, but there is a vaccine out. I know it was market for teens so I am not sure of any age restrictions. I have not used it and I am not sure if it is still on the market but I was excited to hear about it a few years back.
I think the HPV vaccine is available for women until age 26.
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