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  #31  
Old 07-25-2011, 07:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Phy View Post
At last: Sward isn't feeling well. He has had back-pain during the last three weeks but never went to see a doctor … as always. I hate this habit of him. He waits and waits some more and when nothing is possible to do about it or endure it any longer, then he thinks about doing something. Because he doesn't want to cause trouble for his fellow workers if he calls in sick. Great for his own health right? Well, he never listens to me when I scold him for it. Typically him kind of. Got this “endure it” mentality. The upshot is that he now can hardly move his lower back and has to see a doctor first thing tomorrow morning. I am worried that he has a slipped disc something along those lines *sigh*.
LOL, typical male behavior. My boss (male) says most men see it as a charater flaw to admit pain and therefore admit weekness. Hope Sward gets things fixed and feels better soon.
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  #32  
Old 07-26-2011, 01:36 PM
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Default Personal incompatibilities

First of all: thanks for your concern and wishes SNeacail. He went to see the doctor and is on sick leave for a week now. Seems to be a nerve that got incarcerated (really don't know what the correct medical terms are). Got some pain killers and an appointment for Thursday with an orthopaedic specialist. We will see what comes out of that.

And yes, typically male somehow. And so uncalled for. I mean, he is some kind of Obelix who tends to carry trees instead of menhirs or standing stones, 277 lbs heavy (mostly muscles with a little beer belly ^.^') and 6'6 tall. Who the heck would think of him as 'weak'? *mumbles*

But well there has happened some more this morning that made me think about our situation relationship wise. Here is what came to my mind:

One of the first negative factors that arose when we started to sort out our “new” relationship among each other has been about the way to handle private information and what would count as one. There have been some threads concerning this point on this forum and I knew that we will have some difficulties in that area.

We are really diverse when it comes to privacy. The most open one is Sward, he was the one who told me that he thought about swinging way before the thing with Lin came up. He could handle seeing me with another person (indifferent if it would be man or woman) and feel pleasure because he knew that it was making me feel good. But that means that now, in the vee situation he longs to get details as well. He wants to hear what is on my mind when I go silent and think about Lin and the like. I can't do this for two reasons:

The first is myself. I am more private when it comes to this. Got a whole entry on this blog about my personal side and how I just can't share emotions let alone intimate, sometimes physical wishes that cross my mind and leave me with nice little filmlets to enjoy. As far as this goes, he understands that I need this space and its content for myself and will have a hard time sharing it. But he asks nevertheless because … well, I kind of do not really know what motivates him. Maybe waiting for the chance that I am starting to get comfortable with it and tell him.

But the reason why I would always carefully consider talking to him about this stuff brings us to the second reason: What about Lin? Sward's ideal way of starting the vee went like this: “Ah, let's have a threesome, then I can kind of hand Phy over to Lin and everything is in order and fine.” Needless to say that this was out of the question. He himself admitted that this was unfair for the fresh relationship between Lin and me, that his wish was nourished by his own insecurities and his need to be involved and quite a bit inspired by his voyeurism. Just a first idea in his confusion because of the new situation. But it was insightful.

Because we directly got to talk about this aspect right from the start. Lin is on the far end of Sward in this matter. He needs privacy. He doesn't want to know what and how Sward and I do things and he needs to know that I will not share what he and I do with Sward. As far as the first stages of this new relationships are concerned I have to agree with him. I have read some comments on how the things the 'new' person brought into a relationship for the 'old' couple spiced up their intimate relationship or gave food for new ideas.

But I do not wish for that now. I don't want one of them doing something that was kind of a specialty of the other just because I told him that I liked it when the other did it. I don't want the relationships to mingle or that they loose their individual ways because they try to imitate one another. Because, even if it doesn't happen intentionally, it is likely to happen alongside. And that would be too early for me. I need to get to know Lin first before I want to find aspects that I first found in him appear in Sward's and my relationship, as well as the other way round, finding something well-known from Sward in the relationship with Lin suddenly.

Well, where do this thoughts originate? Sward and I stumble about this problem in the morning, when he came rolling back to bed (like a turtle on its back because of the back-pain, unable to move around … he was laughing about himself there ) and asked what I was thinking about. I told him the main gist of it (some unrelated things about my projects) but ended on “The rest isn't your business.” Because I didn't want to share my thoughts about Lin, his tongue piercing and my sudden urge to kiss him. It happens not that often, because we are in daily 'contact' at least through skype, but sometimes I just miss him terribly *sigh* But I do not want to rub this in Sward's face, why should I? He knew that it was about Lin, but he pestered me anyway.

We never fight for long. It took us five minutes to come to the point when he finally admitted that the fact that I was not willing to let him in on my thoughts hurt him and that my tone hasn't been that nice to start with. I know that I can be snappish at times and said I am sorry, but he shouldn't ask for things I don't want to discuss with him. He knows that he tends to meddle too much and that we agreed to keep relationship related things as private as the individual person needs them to be for now.

He said that the fact, that there are things that do no longer concern him (from my point of view), just hurts. That he doesn't want to loose a part of me, or be unable to reach it. I said that there have always been things I kept to myself, but he never cared because they weren't interesting for him like the thing with Lin is now. He had to admit that this was true. That it wasn't reasonable to want to know every little piece of my thoughts.

I talked to Lin later and he said that this was maybe just an issue in the early stages of our coming to terms with the relationships. That maybe we won't spare a thought on things like what or how we think of the other and how or in which detail we can or can't tell the third about it. I hope that it will be more natural later. That I will be more open with my thoughts and feelings regardless of whom I am talking to. Still just the beginning as it looks like …
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  #33  
Old 07-29-2011, 10:17 AM
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Question Fullness in a mono/poly relationship?

What am I going to offer my two men in a relationship? The thought came up after reading Sage's post about a mono in a mono/poly relationship who would just be able to have “half of a relationship”. But what is “the fullness of a monogamous relationship” as Sage calls it?

I personally would never be in a relationship when my needs aren't met. That's a fact. If I am unhappy or feeling like I do not get enough out of it, I would want things to change or would leave it. That is mandatory for my partners as well. That's what my biggest fear has been when I realized that the relationship with my husband had to change because of my feelings for Lin. And that therefore he would feel like his needs weren't met any longer. Lin's worries were on the same page, he was fearing that he wouldn't be able to start a relationship like the vee we are living now. But why? I felt more than enough fear to be able to answer this.

The only thing that changed, really the only thing, as we all three see it now, is exclusiveness. Mainly for Sward in regard to what he had before and had to give up and for Lin this is something that will never be established. And for me the by then unknown experience of giving up on the concept of “exclusive love” which meant a change to my inner emotional world. But do they feel like they have no longer the fullness they would have in a monogamous relationship?

As always, if I am confused about something that concerns the feelings and inner workings of a person, I ask. The thought of Sward or Lin living a 'halved relationship' wouldn't be acceptable for me. Lin said he doesn't feel like he gets a narrowed or reduced kind of relationship with me. Yes, it isn't exclusive but it's a full-fledged relationship for him. He isn't missing or lacking anything with regard to me, as he sees it. It's the same for Sward. He can't speak for the future, maybe there will be a point when he thinks that especially time isn't divided equally, but we got trouble with that issue in our monogamous marriage already. This will be something we simply have to handle when it's the case. But as things are now, he doesn't see our relationship as changed in terms of quality. I am still all in for him as well.

That brought me to the point what a relationship means for me. What am I offering when I start one? I am offering me. Full stop. Nothing less and nothing more basically. What am I expecting when I start one? The person I start it with. Again, full stop. Everyone all in, with everything they got and they are. Does exclusiveness half a relationship when it isn't there? No, I don't think so. Maybe because we are going poly-fi and just widened our “exclusive circle”. But it is still the view of a mono who lives in a poly relationship from their viewpoint. And maybe it is too fresh and new to have real overview and insight in this matter. But I am glad that the starting point doesn't bear anything that I would regard as harmful for our future.

Maybe not using primary/secondary system, indication or denomination helps here as well. I would never rank a relationship. That has been a problem for Sward in the beginning, but it is no longer. He wanted to hear that he is more important, primary so to speak. I wasn't able to live this, because there isn't one more important to me as I see it. Yes, there are differences in quality, duration and time when it's started, but never in importance. I mean, I love them. How can I measure love? Or weigh a person against another? They both understood and agreed to be in my life unconditionally and that it's the only way for me to be with them. As I said everyone all in. (I am quite a greedy person, aren't I? ) They would never have agreed to a relationship where they felt something would be missing and this assurance from their side made me calm again.

Everything is still so new and unknown that I tend to be nervous and unsure. I fear stumbling blocks behind every corner. But that's why I appreciate this side even more. Always food for thought and different point of views that make me reconsider and check in with Sward and Lin. As many times before, thanks for being there to all of you
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  #34  
Old 08-03-2011, 07:50 AM
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Default Money and gifts

It's such a profane thing but it tends to have a big role in everyday life. And I utterly hate it. I have been a student for the last years and we have always been on a shoestring. We have to look out for the prices when buying food or clothes, have lived in a rather cramped flat and haven't been on vacation for ten years straight. It all came down to the green, but both Sward and I felt that this wasn't the end of the world. We knew that things would change later.

Due to this situation I developed an if-needs-must-mentality. Wearing faded clothes or some older ones that were too tight because I gained some kilos over the last ten years. But who cares, you don't have to look spectacular when you are sitting next to old dusty books, reading about the old Greeks or the way a town was build in the middle ages I was more content with money that resided on our savings account if push came to shove and we got a broken car that needs to be fixed or a dishwasher that needs to be replaced.

But people are different. Lin got a different view in this matter. He loves to make presents, always spent some of his money on gifts for his girlfriends and he wanted to do so as well now. In my eyes this is senseless spending. I may need some new clothes and yes I know that it's a practical thing and reasonable to buy, but he needs them as well. He needs the money for his doctor's bill and is (at least in my humble opinion) not able to fork out money for me at the moment.

I tried to explain this to him. That I wouldn't be pleased with such a gift if I got the feeling that the money was spent needlessly and could have been put to better use otherwise. He called this mentality stupid, that life wouldn't be worth living if you don't do something for yourself sometimes. To make you feel good. And that it doesn't matter if he has to overdraw his account for it, if he would be able to clear it during the next month. I should add that this wasn't about big sums, just nice little gestures.

Well, what can I say, he hit a nerve there. I myself didn't know that it was such a sensitive one. I started crying when he said “What kind of life is that?!” because of Sward. He had to put up with it for years now. I know that he would love to go on holiday with me. It was one of the boundaries we agreed on for later on. The first possible vacation would be for me and him. But in that moment I felt guilty for making him go through this. It looked more like an ordeal during that discussion than it really is, but I was hurt and the argument was quite heated. Of course we aren't doing this badly, we are able to go out or buy some things alongside, but we always have to keep this situation in mind.

When all was said and done (Sward explained to Lin that I work this way and that he shouldn't mind it that much, but bear it in mind for later and he told me that I shouldn't be such a worrier from time to time and just accept Lin's point of view as well) we agreed that I was right, that it wouldn't be witty to sped money we don't have at the moment, that it would be OK to buy little gifts on the other hand if the money was there and that I shouldn't always nag about the waste of money.

Nearly an hour later, Sward gave me a bouquet that he designed himself. Composed of yellow roses that turned orange/dark red at the brink of the petals and some caret red flowers that looked like chrysanthemum. Both looked at me full of expectation and I laughed and said thanks. Yes, too much money spent on something that will wither within some days, but lesson learned I think. And tomorrow is the day Lin will arrive for a three-week visit *sigh* All well that ends well.
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  #35  
Old 08-03-2011, 05:27 PM
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Go over the "The 5 Love Languages", this is something you guys can actually all do together. Get the book, it is totally worth it, it makes a huge difference if they are clear what yours are and that you know what theirs are. I found that we tend to do things for other that we want in return (or think we are supposed to do). Unfortunately, this can backfire if the other person doesn't view it the same way. I know there are a few threads on hear that deal with the 5 love languages and maybe some other links.

For me, I'll admit, flowers on rare occassions are nice, but if my husband really wants to score points and make me feel special, cleaning the bathroom is the way to go . I'm an "acts of service" person, where my husband is "touch", so what works for me to feel loved doesn't work for him.
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  #36  
Old 08-04-2011, 10:47 AM
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That is a good remark. I have heard of the concept somewhere before and did a quick test I stumbled over and found out that Quality Time and Touch are equally matched for me. Closely followed by Acts of Service. Could definitely be an explanation, because as I would assess it, Lin will score high on Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts. And Sward could be an Acts of Service and Quality Time person. But this are just some assumptions, I will look into it some more. Thanks for your input
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  #37  
Old 08-10-2011, 06:40 AM
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Talking All the little things …

...that make me happy

I think I read on Penny's blog a comment about “When everything's fine, why post?” and it is so true. Sward asked me if I have updated the blog during the last days and I shook my head because I recognized I wouldn't know what I should write about. But then I thought that maybe I could write about the positive things that happened, all the little ones that made my days brighter. One really tends to write solely about complicated stuff here.

Well, what happened. Lin arrived for a three weeks stay on Thursday. The trip was quite exhausting for him, but they changed his medication to take some strain from his heart and everything was fine. Sward helped me to choose the right clothes to welcome him at the station; we picked those that made his heart skip a beat. His comment: “I love to see you in those, Lin will be thrilled as well.” Sward took the ice cream out of my hand when Lin arrived at the departure platform to give us the chance to hug and kiss. It was the first supportive gesture of many that followed during the upcoming days.

We live in a spa town. Therefore we got a thermal bath, Salinen/salterns (they create the salty marine air), spacious spa gardens and many spots that are designed for tourists because of all the people who visit for their treatments at our health resort. We spent the weekend with tours around town, showed Lin everything. I got to walk with them by my side, snuggled at the shores of a quiet lake, Lin and I were chauffeured by Sward in a rowboat, the two men went shopping to do the daily chores and cooked, listened to an open air concert and other activities. As if we never did things any other way.

The sleeping arrangements had been discussed beforehand: They took turns, one night on the couch, one in Bed with me. The only moment so far where Lin and Sward got into a darker mood. This was quite new for both of them and they had to gauge the fact that they had to stay behind and let the other leave with me for the night. But it was just a moment of discomfort for both of them, they handled it well.

Sward had still been on sick leave because of his back pains and went back to work on Monday. The time split is a bit unequal at the moment. Lin gets to be with me all day long and every other night, while Sward and I have only some hours before we head to bed. I am waiting for Sward to mention this. I decided that I would not meddle too much in their affairs, because I tend to overthink and create problems out of thin air. They should find an arrangement on their own. Communication has been great among them and I am grateful that this special issue hasn't been one up to now. They spent a whole day with each other; Lin accompanied Sward when he had to visit his mother to help with some things around the house and had a great time with each other. I stayed home and got time for myself, prepared some Sushi and was smiling brightly every time I pictured them together.

Sward as well as Lin said to me that they were really surprised about how smoothly everything went. Sward spoke of harmony and Lin thought of the situation as a calmly flowing stream. Their biggest fear has been that they wouldn't be able to tolerate the other and me together before their eyes, but there has been no real problem. They were relieved that there has been friendship from day one between them and the situation didn't feel forced.

The first week is nearly over and time flew by. Still two weeks to come, but I know that it will be hard to part in the end. Lin already said that he doesn't want to leave, but we will have to. The presentation is the next thing we need to focus on after the visit and we got everything ready to start working today. All well at the moment
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  #38  
Old 08-12-2011, 06:19 AM
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Not a good day this morning, got my migraine again. It used to be bad some days before my period but since I am on the pill again it shifted to the middle of the circle, got no explanation why. Meaning me being wide awake since 6 o'clock in the morning *sigh*

The last night was one Lin spend with me and we are connecting deeper and deeper. He is reaching out for me in a way which sometimes seems to be nearly desperate but not in a real negative sense. He is hungry for love, affection and nearness. He doesn't want to go back home and acclimatized quickly to our daily life. We are quiet and introverted people when it comes to our social life. Sward and I like to stay home, watching films, cook, go for a walk with the dog or just talk when the daily chores and work is done in the evening. Sometimes we visit my sister or parents who live next door or go over to get some coffee and check in with our neighbours on the other side who are really close friends. But on a normal evening this is the maximum we do and Lin adjusted himself to this as if he had never done something else. He likes my family, our friends and vice versa.

He and Sward talked about the time management and sleeping arrangement and as I predicted, they changed the next two nights to be Sward's. I love how communication works between them. Normally, Sward comes home from work, telling us how his day was like, Lin and I are preparing dinner around that time and later on Lin and Sward leave me alone, going for a walk with the dog or just sitting outside for a smoke (just Lin smokes, a medical measure because his data used to be more stable when he smokes, strange phenomena, I know) and talk about the situation. They are absolutely open with each other, and it seems to help a lot that there is someone right at hand who has the same problems each of them is facing on his own as well.

Biggest issue for both of them is the parting in the evening and the turn on the sofa. Dark thoughts tend to kick in when they are alone at night, knowing that the other is in the bedroom with me. They are not on the level 'I can't stand this, please stop!' or something like that, both of them told me that it's just a complete new situation they need to adjust to. And both seem to do reasonably better with every day that goes by.

There is an individual problem for each of them as well. Sward is having a hard time with being away for work in this situation. Lin and I spend the whole day together and he sees me for some hours in the evening. Additionally they are having some problems at work, the economic crisis' negative effects are taking their toll on them. His job isn't endangered but he has to deal with wage cuttings. In regard to time the situation isn't different to the normal one, but he feels the need to connect more often and deeply with me at the moment, which is normal I suppose. But we are all aware of this and yesterday evening Lin left for bed earlier to give us some time to snuggle and talk.

Lin's problem on the other hand is the long time Sward and I already spent together. Every time we talk about things that happened in the past he tends to feel excluded and sees the deep connection between us, the harmony that has survived through the years and the steadiness of the bygone relationship. It seems to be intimidating for him to recognize all that is already there between us and the small amount of common ground he and I share. He knows that it isn't reasonable to compare and he knows that there will be similar experiences that he and I are able to share after some time has passed, but reason and emotion tend to go different ways and end up without coming to an agreement in the end.

All in all we are doing well, I think. As Sward announced he hugged and cuddled Lin as much as possible and Lin got used to his way of showing affection and friendship. The view of the 6'6 Sward hugging the 5'9 Lin is priceless. I myself am 6'3 and Sward and I started to immediately tease and squeeze and cuddle Lin because he appears so cute and tiny next to us. Physical touch is really important to all of us, therefore there is always a hand on the waist, arm, neck or wherever whenever we are out together. And I love this dynamic that evolved between us over such a short period of time.
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Old 08-19-2011, 03:54 PM
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Default Life is beautiful

The hectic pace and sadness from the past days subsided and we are living quite quiet again. The shock and disbelieve from the death of Lin's friend is still around but it settled down a bit. The loss of a dear friend is always hard but this one seems especially tragic to me, she was some years older than I and pregnant with her first child; a situation I am seeing myself in in a year or two. I was unable to not imagine myself in her shoes and in those of her husband. He went into shock the day after the accident and is still in a bad place at them moment.

Having said this much, the life at our place is just harmonious and beautiful. I am in love. I love to observe and I tend to observe myself more than anybody else. There are this little moments when I recognize a new gaze that was unfamiliar before, a smile or a special way to frown and my stomach is filled with this gentle prickling. The time Lin and I are able to share is so precious and I enjoy every minute. When Sward comes home in the evening the house is filled with laughter and a certain kind of intimacy that is hard to describe.

I have been afraid that the time Sward, Lin and I would spend with each other could feel forced, aggravating or generally awkward. Nothing like that happened. After reading so much about problems that others encountered during their poly-journey I was expecting similar ones. And I searched for them, anticipated them behind every word or action. I exhausted myself with this behavior without realizing it. Yes, it is tiring to think about two people most of the day, to analyze how content they are with the current situation, if everyone's needs are met, if I split everything equally between them and so on. I recognized how much this strained me two days ago. Or, to be more precise, Lin did. He asked me if everything was ok, because I had been silent and moody since the early morning and didn't spoke much.

He as well as Sward did mainly look out for each other; to not ask too much, to keep connected and care for each other and solve their mutual issues. None of them or I myself payed much attention to my problems, mainly because even I didn't recognize there were some. And because the issues I developed were about the issues I couldn't find in our everyday life. Paradox, I know, I tend to be complicated. So I was stressing myself over problems that weren't there. After realizing that much I was relieved.

Sward and Lin reassured that they were not doing this for me, that they want to be happy as well and that they knew how to achieve that, that they were not only in it because there was no other option or I was forcing them to do so, that they decided for themselves what they want and that they want me and Us (capital here, because they started a beautiful metamour relationship that seems to work out as great as each relationship I got with them).

I know that this is an early stage, that we can't be sure of anything because it's so new and fresh, but I feel already settled and at ease. There is no tension between us and Sward and my, since day one somehow really tranquil, everyday life just picked up another person who was simply included to it. And Lin is fitting in so well. He got his own place already, the chores just shifted naturally (cooking, laundry, cleaning, shopping, walks with the dog and so on), everyone is doing what he can and what is at hand at the moment.

I just want to snuggle up between them and sink deeper and deeper into this happiness. Just five more days to come … I am getting really greedy here. I doubt that I can let go when Wednesday comes.
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Old 08-30-2011, 08:44 AM
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Default To love the work ...

I think it was Redpepper who said, in my first thread in the new to poly section, I simply have to love the work that this kind of relationship structure requires. Now, I got the feeling that I really know what she meant by work for the first time. Much has happened and I simply feel exhausted.

Despite realizing that I worry in vain for most of the time, because things that aren't there, considering fears that only existed in my head, I kept on going round and round in circles. And I didn't see it. I didn't note the subtle underlying click-clack that my thoughts made while revolving around the same topic again and again. “Is everyone happy? Did I split equally? Where is my (so to speak) tally sheet?” I still know quite well what my expectation have been in my monogamous relationships. And I don't want my two men to miss any of it. Which is so unreasonable because this isn't a monogamous-at-the-verge-of-codependency relationship and I am only one person and can't tear myself apart. But I tried and it backfired.

The last week has been quite arduous. On the one hand because Lin left again or because of my constant worrying, on the other because we waited and waited for the publisher to contact us and bring 'good news'. They contact us on Friday (we have been waiting since Tuesday) to tell us they had to cancel the project and delay it for half a year because of the stock market problems and low sales figures in the last quarter. Bam! Reality kicking in big time. Going back to being a student, having to delay the desire for a child, no more thinking about building a house and so on ... *sigh* ... well, that's how it is.

Because of this development I have been down for most of the weekend. Needed to readjust to the new situation and shut my dreams away for now. They aren't out of the picture for good but it will take time until we can try again as it seems now.

Sward started working immediately when he heard the news. We planned to move Lin to our city and it would have been quite easy to do so when the deal would have come off. The plan to move him was around for nearly half an year, way before we actually considered poly. Now we need to limit our financial resources and therefore the possibilities we actually have. We did work out a Plan-B and that contains to share our flat with him and rent the spare room to him that is on the same floor as well. It has been used as a lumber-room for the whole house and needs a thorough, ground-up renovation. When the bad news came in Sward got his work clothes out and started to declutter.

It has been Lin's and my project, therefore we were really taken aback by the development. But our reaction was silence, we couldn't talk about it right away and started to distract ourselves by playing some online games. I am not good with words and was hurting because I couldn't be with Lin in this kind of situation. I need physical contact to comfort and solace someone. Sward held me when I wept for the lost chance later that night.

But despite his knowing about all these developments and backgrounds we still got into an argument yesterday morning. He felt neglected. When he told me all my fears came back at once and I got defensive because, yes, I knew that I had been occupied with Lin during his visit and with the project during the last week, but why did he have to put more pressure on me by asking more attention as well during this kind of time?

I had to admit that I shut down during the weekend, because I needed time for myself. I didn't call Lin in the morning to wake him up and skype (a habit that established itself over time because he tends to sleep in all the time and stays up in the night) because I needed silence and sereneness to cope with all the things that went through my head. I didn't spent time with Sward as well, something that he expected me to do because he took his vacation so that he got private time with me after the visit of Lin. I simply wasn't in the mood for this kind of thing and we collided.

And I realized just how exhausted I am. The three weeks Lin has been here were wonderful. It worked great, but it was so straining. I am used to our 'good old marriage' and routine that developed over the years and geez … I feel like an old lady complaining about the lost youth and energy when I recognize just how worn out I am from this time. The dynamic of two men caring, working and watching out for me felt great, but there were two men demanding and needing things from me as well. This is definitely an aspect I need to get used to over time. Need to get some emotional endurance training as it seems.

Well, after Sward realized how depleted I am (and after I told him that this mainly resulted out of his habit to swallow things, even if they are little and seem not important enough to talk about at that point in time) and after I realized my emotional debility as well (again, I didn't really know about all this before, ignored the signs again) we agreed to watch out for this special circumstance in the future and call it settled for now. We will see what the future holds, for the time being I am looking forward to the tenancy changeover in October and am thankful that the problems we discover are mainly of the only-in-my-head kind or stem from little issues which just need to be taken care of better the moment they appear.
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Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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