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  #171  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:22 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Oh my, looking good! A bit like secret service agents (why am I reminded of the series NCIS)?

I didn't realize there was such a height difference between the guys.
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  #172  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:53 AM
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Excellent colours! You look great.
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  #173  
Old 05-01-2012, 08:33 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Aww, you all are gorgeous!
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  #174  
Old 05-02-2012, 07:28 AM
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Default The wedding; the aftermaths

Thanks a lot to all those sweet comments. I smirked at the NCIS one, thanks BlackUnicorn And yes, they are considerably different regarding their heights. At first I thought this could be a problem for me, but I like it very much. Maybe this is the reason why I have those urges to protect Lin and cuddle him and such, I recognized that I tend to do things with him that Sward does with me. Maybe there are some inherent dynamics between taller and smaller people in general, who knows ^.^ For me it's just fun to experience both sides with Sward and Lin.

The aftermaths of the wedding slowly unfolded themselves yesterday. All talked to each other what they had thought about what and whom and how wonderful everything had been and so on. As it seems, I haven't been the only one being totally unnerved by said wife of the brother of the groom. Every single person who spoke to my sister/brother in law complained about something she did, said or how she looked like (really horribly dressed, a lose shirt top without a bra underneath, showing her … well, no longer young looking breasts a bit too much every time she bend down to lift her daughter). But well, someone like that seems to be in every family out there.

Sward was generally tired and done for and slept half of the day on the couch, the other half was spent on demounting the marquee and driving around giving stuff back to the owners who helped us out for the party. Lin and I played most of the day (a new computer game). When we came together in the evening for dinner (the first time just the three of us in nearly a weeks time), we talked about everything that was on our minds.

When Lin mentioned that he was absolutely astonished that the circle of people being present at dinner after the wedding had been so exclusive, I simply smiled at him. He never understood that he had been invited to a 'just the family' dinner before the very moment he stood there and counted the chairs. He was really happy, a bit relieved and also excited about the possible meanings behind this gesture. Over the course of the wedding he had been totally involved in all kinds of preparations, had helped out everywhere and was accepted into the family a great deal more than before. My mother teases him all the time, she definitely acquired a liking for him by now, my father loves to chat with him casually and my sister and her husband became close friends with him (the husband more than my sister though).

I think we are ready to consider talking to them soon. I will have an eye on my mother and her health first and wait for her therapy to progress a bit more before I finally seek a silent moment to discuss things with her, but I don't think that this will take a long time to happen by now. In regard to my mother, things will start on Friday, they decided to try a chemo before they operate her, as this seems to be more promising for the end result. My mother is obviously totally tense and waiting for the things to come (what she hates the most).

All in all, I think I am really happy right now. Things are good, even though we have had some stressful days and there were little frictions during that time almost everywhere, but those were too minor to leave any traces and really not worth mentioning next to the things that went great. Let's see what life has in stall for us
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Last edited by Phy; 05-02-2012 at 07:31 AM.
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  #175  
Old 05-09-2012, 05:27 AM
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Default Just wondering ...

So, I have been a bit busy lately. I haven't caught up on all the posts on this side, what I tended to do quite regularly for months. But there is so much going on in the new relationship corner and that just got me thinking. Does this blog make any sense any longer? I reread some of it and have to say: the struggles that have been poly related were few, the solutions were quickly found and nowadays most of the stuff I write about is just normal relationship stuff and every day life.

Am I feeling too secure to not expect any bad surprises any longer? Yes, often there is something unexpected along our way, but I kind of feel that it will be about simple things that tend to come up in any relationship out there. I doubt they will be poly related. That's why I wondered, should I keep at posting things about our unspectacular poly-life on this side? As my initial intention was to give something back for the support I felt when stumbling over this website and read about all the ways people made poly relationships work and therefore tell the (mostly) anonymous crowd how we possibly get things in order after the initial chaos. I wasn't searching for normal relationship stuff back then Maybe it's about time to stop adding unrelated stuff to this site. Or I just take a break and come back, as soon as something poly related really happens. (And not just me wondering about some possibilities. )
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Last edited by Phy; 05-09-2012 at 06:22 AM.
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  #176  
Old 05-09-2012, 06:17 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phy View Post
Does this blog make any sense any longer? I reread some of it and have to say: the struggles that have been poly related were few, the solutions were quickly found and nowadays most of the stuff I write about is just normal relationship stuff and every day life. .. That's why I wondered, should I keep at posting things about our unspectacular poly-life on this side?

From my perspective, please keep posting! People tend to post here when they have problems. Being able to point to "successful" poly relationships I think has beneficial effects and is encouraging to those who are just starting out. I think your story has been influential, as have others who have different configurations. You help show how poly can work on a day to day basis. I think that my relationships with MrS and Dude have also achieved the "normal relationship" level of drama - but I think that it is helpful to new people to see that, ultimately, poly issues are "relationship" issues after you get over the initial hurdles. We are not so different from people that pursue one relationship at a time...we just do it concurrently rather than serially.

JaneQ

PS. I'm a little selfish in this. I enjoy reading about other girls who have two boys and make it work. There may be differences in how we handle certain situations but I feel we have something in common and I have been following your story avidly.
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MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #177  
Old 05-09-2012, 07:02 AM
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I think there are way too few examples here of stable, drama-free poly living. I don't know what exists in the 'real world', but the relationship corner is full of stories one more horrifying than next (though not all posts over there are like that), and I feel this forum gives quite a disproportional picture of what poly must be like. I think it must be healthy to have at least some members writing who are making it work without huge amounts of drama. Even if that means that we don't often feel there's much poly related to post since it's just life. Plus, I really enjoy reading your stuff, so there's that too. Maybe if you can't make it every week, even just occasionally?
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Last edited by rory; 05-09-2012 at 12:04 PM.
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  #178  
Old 05-09-2012, 04:13 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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I agree with Jane and rory. I think your example of navigating both the traditional relationship issues as well as the more poly-specific relationship issues is very beneficial here. Even the wondering about possibilities can be a great guide to those who think that everything has to be figured out right NOW. I think seeing the process- the wondering, the talking, the waiting- might be VERY helpful to some readers.

And for myself, I like reading for much the same reason as Jane- another (working!) example of my relationship configuration, yay!
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  #179  
Old 05-09-2012, 07:11 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phy View Post
Does this blog make any sense any longer? I reread some of it and have to say: the struggles that have been poly related were few, the solutions were quickly found and nowadays most of the stuff I write about is just normal relationship stuff and every day life.
Yes, "normal" relationship stuff for a woman who lives with both her husband and boyfriend. Hello.



First of all, I love reading your blog. I love getting a glimpse into a loving trio of people making it work on the other side of the ocean from me. I also try to picture where and how you live, from my one and only time I visited Germany and Austria. So, I enjoy taking a little journey every time I read it. And although I don't see myself getting married again nor living with partners, I love seeing the possibilities and your no-nonsense approach to living polyamorously.

Second of all, people who may be coming here to this site to read the blogs do need to see the "normal" in poly. It doesn't have to be all drama and problems, and we all know it isn't. I think that poly relationships are not all that different from monogamous ones. The same elements that make mono work, make poly work - respect, honest communication, caring, love.

Finally, don't worry about whether or not other people are getting something specific out of your words, or even reading it. Yes, I would say they are, but more important is that this is where you can work things out in your writings. It's for you.

Of course, you can take a break, but I hope you don't give it up completely.
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  #180  
Old 05-09-2012, 08:51 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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I have to chime in - please don't stop!

Yours is one of the blogs I stop in to read on a regular basis, and I love hearing about your nice, normal, happy, functional family of three and how you deal with normal, everyday challenges and struggles. I really appreciate you sharing this little window into your life.

I totally understand if it's difficult to keep up or isn't as rewarding for you anymore, but I assure you that if you keep writing, I for one will keep reading!
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