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  #121  
Old 02-08-2012, 06:54 PM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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hi Phy,

I LOVE to inhale people. Especially my men. But I often compliment people when I notice they smell really nice. They often seem surprised. Which I don't understand. If you're trying to smell nice, and you succeeded and some notices, that's good, right?
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  #122  
Old 02-09-2012, 07:45 AM
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I know what you mean. I compliment people for great looks or smell as well, but if I like them and know them at least a bit I get close to them and sometimes I invade some private space while doing so. But most of the people who smell good, have been perfectly fine with me doing so Huff-stuff *cheers*
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  #123  
Old 02-09-2012, 04:14 PM
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Default Visiting the family

And a short update I forgot to mention: We will visit Lin's family tomorrow. As the way is so long, we have get up really early. And I have to drive all the way, as Lin lost his driver license years ago. *sigh* It's the birthday of Lin's mother and we will surprise her, she thinks we will visit next month. I am a bit excited how coffee and cake will go, it will be the first time I am there as 'the married girlfriend' officially. I don't expect them to ask after Sward. I hope the situation won't be too tense, I know that Lin's sisters are a bit insecure concerning the whole topic. We will see how that goes.
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  #124  
Old 02-15-2012, 07:35 AM
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We are back and still alive

No, nothing serious was expected to happen, but it went considerably well. We got up quite early as far as Sward and I are concerned, Lin was so nervous that he hardly slept more than an hour. Sward prepared coffee, lunch-boxes, blankets, sweets, vegetables, the car and the sat nav and nearly everything you can think of as useful for a short trip. He was so nervous. Afraid that something might happen to us, that we may get stuck somewhere, needing to camp on the roadside or whatever you can think of catastrophe-wise.

Except that our windshield wiper didn't work properly and it was that cold that every little dash froze immediately when hitting the front window, what made us leave the motorway at every second motorway station, Lin getting out in the freezing cold, wiping the window with some water ( and it was really cold ), we made it in time and had fun.

His family was nice and really surprised and glad to see us. His mother talked about how happy she was that he visited again for three days straight. At least on the official side, they seem to have wrapped their minds around our constellation and the relationship structure. What really surprised me, was that his mother called yesterday to congratulate Sward as well (yes, Valentine's Day is his birthday). Lin said: “You are now part of the 'Lin-family'. You belong to the clan now.” This worked out better than I ever would have imagined.

I got to know Lin's sisters, who I haven't met before and some of his old friends. As we were sleeping in his old room, memories of the time when I visited for the first time came up again and we were really glad that everything worked out that well. I found it especially sweet that Lin told me after the first day there, that he was really happy to think about 'going home' after the weekend again. He has completely exchanged the two homes by now and feels comfortable thinking of our place as his real home.

But the biggest surprise was Sward. Never leave this man alone with some time on his hands … When we came home he had renovated the living room. From the smallest toeboard to a new room divider in form of a little wall next to the sofa. It looked just great. He did a great job. Now all that is left is the kitchen but we need to exchange all the electrical equipment as well, so this will take some months till we got the money for it. The flat looks nice and comfy now

I spend yesterday with Sward, went swimming to our spa bath and shopping for his present, cuddled with Lin on the sofa in the evening and almost had a great day, except that Sward and Lin got into a little fight over the kitchen and how things should be handled there. It was mostly a misunderstanding because they got their wires crossed, but I think they will talk again today to settle that.
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  #125  
Old 02-21-2012, 06:47 AM
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Default Family and sports

So, life is good, a lot going on and it could be perfect, except that I didn't write one page of my papers for university. Need to catch up on that this week and it's getting me a bit down. Maybe that is the reason why my nights have been a bit restless lately.

For the weekend: As our flat is in the best and most beautiful state it has ever been, Sward decided that he would like to celebrate his birthday with the family. We never did that, because there wasn't enough space and it was just an ugly little flat without anything looking nice, just my stuff piling everywhere and his (dirty) stuff from work right next to it. I don't know if it was the active influence of Lin, his overall, passive presence or just our age that changed the things for the better. But we became more like those people who care for their surroundings.

We arranged everything for thirteen people to visit. That's the maximum we can handle. Our study with our tiny dinner table (4 persons) and the newly build desk (5 persons) was really packed and the small sofa table in the living room (4 persons) took care of the rest. There was a narrow snickleway from the entrance door through the study to the living room and that was all the space that was left. Maybe it gets clearer why most people shake their heads when we tell them that are living in this small flat with three people

Well, as our family knows how crowded it is, there isn't a problem. And it was really comfy in a way having all the people sitting so close together and chatting. Sward's and my parents already know Lin and obviously like him. They talk to him, ask his opinion on computer related things and like to engage in some small talk as well. The only persons who have never seen him up to now were Sward's sister and her husband. They didn't talk much with each other, but the husband made some jokes concerning my moods and now having two men to deal with that, that made me believe that they were at least OK with our living situation. Don't know if the OK-ness goes beyond that, but we are not in close everyday contact, therefore this wouldn't have been much of a problem one way or the other.

Something really promising came up that evening too. My mother thought about a way to get Lin a job in one of the companies she is involved with. We don't know if this will work out, but it is a prospect for now. I was really delighted by the fact that Lin talked to my parents for hours and that they seem to have fun. My father definitely likes Lin and seems to have included him completely in the 'Sward and I circle' when talking about future events (like moving into a new flat when I finish my studies and children are in the picture). So promising, maybe they will take the news not as bad as I anticipated when we finally tell them.

For the everyday stuff: My tutoring job is working out really well. The children are lovely. A bit complicated, but nothing out of the ordinary. It was the right choice to choose such a job and nothing run-of-the-mill like. It's a good practice for later and I can use the lessons I give there to be imputed for my practical phases.

And I started martial arts again. I did that for a long time when I was a teenager and really missed it for years now. After I worked on my form in the gym for a while now, I felt ready to try it again. Biggest fear was not surviving the warm up, but I succeeded That's why I felt really great after my first lesson after roughly ten years. Will definitely keep at it. I have become really slow and forgot most of the basics, but they are returning fast. Can't wait for Thursday, will visit the next lesson that evening.
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  #126  
Old 02-29-2012, 06:40 AM
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Some interesting days just passed us and I found some new things to mention on here.

My aunt and my mothers' birthdays are right after the other. Therefore we spend Monday evening with my aunt and the majority of our relatives and went out for dinner on Tuesday with my mother and our nuclear family here. And I realized that something was bugging me. I was kind of looking forward to those events and at the same time, not so much. I started to look into the problem and I found the root of my uneasiness.

Lin wouldn't be part of it. I was really happy when my sister, who is going to marry her long time partner in April, invited Lin to be there when the family will meet for dinner after the ceremony. It felt good to have him included even though nothing is official right now. But obviously I couldn't drag him along to meet my relatives at the party of my aunt. And as my aunt is going through some hard times right now (death of her husband last year, a possible divorce of her son right now) I expected the evening to be tense and filled with broody and unpleasant talks. The same with the birthday of my mother, she invited 'the family' for dinner and this didn't include Lin as well. I was kind of unhappy with that.

As things turned out, I expected too much negativity to come our way. On Monday the mood was quite light, despite the tensed relationship of my cousin and his wife (they came together even) and my aunt was just mainly stressed by all the preparations and such. What surprised me a bit was my mother. When sitting next to her and talking to some of my distant relatives about some trifles, she suddenly glanced at me and asked: “By the way, I thought about it, did I make a faux pas by not inviting Lin to my birthday dinner tomorrow? I mean how much is he part of the family … kind of...?” There she paused and I as well. How should I have answered?

I decided that this wasn't the right place to discuss our relationship further and replied jokingly: “Ah well, you see, we didn't officially adopt him yet, you didn't make a fault, we still need to get the papers to wrap things up properly.” This adoption thing was first brought up by my mother, who likes to refer to Lin as 'Sward's and my little one', some kind of child we picked up and moved in. She smiled as well and replied: “Well, ok, if things are like that, I will invite him next year.” I smiled and nodded, as well as Sward who was sitting next to me.

Sward later told me that she seemed to have expected some kind of answer there and I think I agree. She was clearly asking for the 'status' of our relationship. Maybe I should soon talk to herabout it. During dinner on Tuesday, my soon to be brother in law was showered by the waitress with a glass of white wine and my mother instantly laughed and told me to tell Lin that if he had been there, he would have been the one to get wet, as he is the 'newest one' to the family. I cannot deny that all that makes me smile and a bit tingly with anticipation. How things will be received when we finally tell them?

*sigh* I am too impatient sometimes.
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Last edited by Phy; 02-29-2012 at 07:20 AM.
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  #127  
Old 03-10-2012, 08:27 PM
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Default Intimacy

Not much happening right now, life is quiet and good But as a matter of fact, even though everything got so comfy and such, I still have my little personal issues from time to time.

As I have been really busy with nearly everything, engaged in sports to the point of getting so many sore muscles that I could hardly move (again) and due to 'those days of the month' the intimacy between Sward, Lin and I was kind of reduced to zero regarding the core part. And I really missed that and got a bit frustrated lately. I finally managed to get rid of that state of affairs today and spent some time with Lin and later with Sward. Felt really great afterwards

But both times, first when I came back to Sward to 'invite' him to spend some time with me in the bedroom and later when I returned and woke up Lin, I noticed that I still feel uncomfortable if I think about the fact that both of them probably knew that I just had been with the other. I don't really know why I think of that as so unnerving and why I am so insecure about that.

When I went to wake Lin up he asked “And? What did you do?” He didn't imply anything there, it was just a normal question about nothing specific but my mind worked itself up and I thought about the right thing to answer. Way too long. After some seconds he looked at me and told me that this was so typically me, why I couldn't just leave out the parts that I don't want to talk about and tell him about the rest that went on during that time. Well, except the fact that the TV has been on there wasn't some kind of 'rest' to talk about from my perspective. And as you can imagine by now, I am the worst liar you have ever met or will ever meet … I never thought to come up with something innocuous.

So, why is this still a problem for me? Why do I still feel like I could hurt them when I tell them directly that I have an intimate relationship with the other? Both of them know, none of them seem to have a real problem with that any longer, why do I?
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  #128  
Old 03-10-2012, 10:49 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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I wish I had an answer, Phy, because I have pretty much the same question! I know part of my reluctance at the moment is being hundreds of miles away from TGIB. I feel bad mentioning sexy time with MC because TGIB and I can't have that right now. TGIB has already told me he isn't bothered by knowing that I was with MC (neither want details about the other, so that's fine) but I'M still bothered when it comes up! (In a "So what'd you do last night?" kind of way. I'm a horrible liar too, because I never try to lie!) I'm hoping this changes once we're all in the same town.

MC pretty much always knows when I have phone or internet play time with TGIB, and I'm not super-comfortable about that either. It doesn't bother him- he even teases me about it so I KNOW he's comfortable with the idea- but it bothers me. Maybe there's a part of me I wasn't previously aware of that just wants a little more privacy with each of my guys than I currently have. I don't even know if the level of privacy I may want is reasonable or doable, and I would suspect that if it's similar for you everyone living together is not going to help that level of privacy happen. Good luck trying to figure it out!
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  #129  
Old 03-11-2012, 02:56 AM
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Phy,

If it bothers you to have back to back sexual encounters why do you do it?? Feeling of fairness......unsatisfied sexually, boredom, ????
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  #130  
Old 03-11-2012, 09:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
I feel bad mentioning sexy time with MC because TGIB and I can't have that right now.
Well, I know that situation, Lin and I were facing it when we were still apart and I wouldn't want to have that back ever, because we were severely bothered by it. It was hell sitting in front of the PC and not be able to touch, I am horrible with LDRs.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
Maybe there's a part of me I wasn't previously aware of that just wants a little more privacy with each of my guys than I currently have.
I don't think it is the level of privacy in my case. The main reason why I am uncomfortable with the general situation is that I separate the two relationships strictly. Especially in that regard, I don't want them to mingle. The first root for my insecurity may be that I don't like talking about it because I want to 'protect' the intimacy I have with each by not talking about it. Just like I wouldn't talk about my feelings for the respective other with one of them. I am not good at voicing this either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
If it bothers you to have back to back sexual encounters why do you do it??
I have no idea what those are, but I guess it somehow describes what I was talking about. What is 'back to back' in this context?


Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Feeling of fairness......unsatisfied sexually, boredom, ????
First of all: Punctuation marks are no pack animals.

Secondly: I was a bit surprised by your answer to put it nicely. Especially because of the last point. My first reaction when I get the feeling that someone is way off with guessing or a reaction to something I said or wrote is checking if I encountered some language boundaries and said something the wrong way. Maybe it was my post that gave off the vibe that I am bored and that I would sleep with someone out of boredom. As the sole idea kind of offended me I will say something to that first.

If this comment was due to me saying 'life is quiet and good, … everything got so comfy and such' – no, I didn't mean that I got so lazy and am indulging myself so much in the situation that I don't have something different to do than sleeping with my men. It implies that I would 'use' them to counter my tendency to abandon myself in idleness or something along those lines. Did you ever sleep with someone because of that reason or how would you come up with such an idea, dinged?

Yes, I have been unsatisfied sexually during the latest days, nearly even weeks and I was really happy when things changed so that I could pursue my needs again. But those aren't mine alone, I am in a relationship with those two. Is there something more natural than wanting to be together and intimate with the ones you love? If that 'back to back' meant sleeping with each of them, well, of course I would want that after such a time.

There are times I long for both of them and especially after such a period in our relationship, I nearly naturally crave for that kind of contact. Is that so strange to your mind? Even though you never have been in love with more than one, you should be able to reconstruct the basic feelings of that situation if you think about a 'normal' monogamous relationship. So why do I sleep with both of them? Because I long for them and two of the three of us (meaning Lin and I) wouldn't be comfortable with threesome settings.

Lastly: your first suggestion ... wasn't that far off, even though I got the feeling you are hinting in a different direction. No, I am not sleeping with each of them because I feel that it is fair to do so. Sometimes I want one, sometimes the other, sometimes both. I never do it out of obligation, if I long for Sward I will go be with him without having sex with Lin right afterwards if I don't feel like that. I get goosebumps just thinking about it, to be honest.

But you hit a point there. I think that I am still, in a strange way, in my mono-mindset about things that can be done or shouldn't be done. Even though they tell me that they aren't having problems any longer, because of 1) I know that there have been some in the beginning with this special topic and 2) I personally still know that it is hurtful if a partner sleeps and loves another. That is what I grew up with and even though I know that 1) has changed, I haven't adapted to a change of 2) as well. There is still a part of me that isn't able to think in 'poly-structures' and backs off if a situation comes up where I would have to fear (according to the old rules) overstepping a line and doing something 'not fair' to my love(s). I experienced 'the state of mind of a polyamorous person' for some years, most of them without accepting it, only roughly a year facing it and coming to terms with this new state of mind. I just seem to still have some processing to do and to make myself at home with the way I am and things are nowadays.

Therefore, even though my first reaction to your comment were some puckered brows, thanks for your comment and get me thinking, dinged Seems like I have quite some part of the way in front of me.
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