#21
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Me: bi female in my twenties Dating: Moonlightrunner Metamour: Windflower |
#22
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If the case you presented at the begining is real, an ongoing situation, you have the ability to evaluate it in its full context. By going forward your actions would ultimately be disrespecting and hurting someone else. If you can rationalize that (the SO is evil etc.), then so be it. Otherwise, it's unconscionable behavior imo. Why are you intent on the word "rigid"? My definition of honesty isn't rigid, it doesn't mean honesty in all circumstances. Instead, it is tied to other values I hold important in relationships, such as not hurting others, respecting them, allowing them to be party to decisions that will affect them and so on. Each situation I confront forces me to weigh out the possible outcomes and evaluate my actions. It's more about trying to live according to my principles, knowing that sometimes I will fall short and that's what it means to live in an imperfect world.
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"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."James Baldwin |
#23
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Everyone makes mistakes, everyone can learn from them, everyone is on their own path and everyone has the right to be forgiven and supported. The question was would "I" go into this knowingly. No, I wouldn't, but that does not mean I would be an ass hole about it and give up on the person. I think I would likely urge them to do the right thing until such time as I was done urging, or they did what I think is right. Not because I am right and they are wrong, but because if they want to be a partner/love of mine, my boundary is no cheating.
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#24
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At this point I am very big on making sure that we are all okay with anyone that I/ we sleep with and that their partner(s) are aware. We had this come up recently as PL and I gifted a friend with a 3 some after he "broke up" with his fiance. Only they ended up not breaking up, getting married, and having a baby w/in 4 months of that night. He never fessed up and we can't tell her because she is soo in denial. ![]() |
#25
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- I have had sex with A, I am sorry - I am sorry, but I have to tell you that I would really like to have sex with A One is a permanent lie, the other is a potential hurt and a chance for honesty. If your partner is not ready for you to have a relationship, in my humble opinion, you shouldn't. In that sense, you either don't, or leave and do. My partner told me she was polyamorous and loved a common friend of us, knowing that I would throw her out. Thinking back a month, when she told me, I can remember the true fear in her eyes. She knew she was going to lose me, but she had to be honest. She knew there and then that she ended 13 amazing years with me. That's facing up to the consequences and being honest. It's also her being rigid with her personal values. She couldn't NOT tell me, she couldn't NOT be what she is. So, if you are what you are, tell your partner. If your SO will let you be what you are, you are in for an even stronger relationship. If not, and you truly are what you are, you can't live happily under those constraints. So, don't cheat, be honest.
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Mono engaged to poly VanillaCrazyCake Don't fear god, don't worry about death; What is good is easy to get, and what is terrible is easy to endure. -Epicurus |
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Tags |
affairs, boundaries, cheating, dishonesty |
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