Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #41  
Old 07-09-2011, 12:07 PM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 79
Default

Huge success. Happy poly coming home from a very good first night with boyfriend, with even more to give and needs to have filled = even happier me.
__________________
Mono engaged to poly VanillaCrazyCake

Don't fear god, don't worry about death; What is good is easy to get, and what is terrible is easy to endure.
-Epicurus
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 07-09-2011, 12:13 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,724
Default

Not to be blunt, but... so she wanted to fuck you when she got home? heh, I always want to fuck my gf after seeing a lover, and she's the same way when she gets home from seeing her bf.

I call her bf my "fluffer." I dont know if youve read Sex at Dawn, but it clearly presents how women's sexuality can work, how they are good for so many more orgasms than a guy is, so can thoroughly enjoy sex with multiple partners in one session.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 07-09-2011, 12:27 PM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 79
Default

I think the fact that I was calm and accepting of it helped the most. We were both prepared for a multitude of ways I could react to this. And no, she was not needing anything when she came home, they had a good first night with lots of sex, but after we talked a bit, she went to have a bath to soothe her chronic muscle pain. I kept her company, told her how none of my fears hade come true and I literally showed her that I found her more arousing than ever. So we went to bed and had a really good time, for both of us.

She was even so fantastic and safe with this that she made a dingding sound after, and said "Achievement unlocked - fucked two guys in a day", and even emailed her boyfriend that. :-) Ah, gotta love a compatible geek. Right now, I feel better about this than I ever did. A huge barrier for me has been crushed, and I've already started working my way up.
__________________
Mono engaged to poly VanillaCrazyCake

Don't fear god, don't worry about death; What is good is easy to get, and what is terrible is easy to endure.
-Epicurus
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 07-09-2011, 12:34 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,724
Default

Heh, the first part of your post made it seem like you 2 didnt have sex, but then you went on to say, after her bath and seeing your erection, she did want to have sex with you. And was even rather thrilled to have achieved a bucket list goal of "double dipping!"

That's all really cool. She's loving you, loving him, then coming back and loving you again. Love all around. That's the poly goal. I am so happy for you 2(3) to have come to this point. Awww!
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 07-09-2011, 12:38 PM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 79
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
That's all really cool. She's loving you, loving him, then coming back and loving you again. Love all around. That's the poly goal. I am so happy for you 2(3) to have come to this point. Awww!
It feels rather good actually, and I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off of me, and I can now focus on growing and learning to accept that her having another relationship doesn't take anything away from me, except some time with her, quite the opposite, it feeds our relationship quite a lot of energy. And I know he will appreciate the email, because he was truly worried that this barrier would break us up. But no, today is seemingly oppositeday.
__________________
Mono engaged to poly VanillaCrazyCake

Don't fear god, don't worry about death; What is good is easy to get, and what is terrible is easy to endure.
-Epicurus
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 07-09-2011, 01:08 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,724
Default

Awesome. That is how it works for me too.

I am always saddened and perturbed when I read here something like, the husband will say, my wife has a new BF, they are deep in NRE. She's so into him, she won't fuck me, and if she does, it feels like pity sex, or maintenance sex.

I don't get this. There's always a bit of anxiety during infatuation in a new relationship. "Does he like me as much as I like him? Will I find out something about him that will turn me off? Will he find out something about me he doesnt like, and dump me?" Etc etc.

So, for me, coming home to the established partner, who knows you inside and out and still loves you, it's always so comforting and relieving. And a turn on! So you've got ERI (established relationship intimacy), plus NRE, and it's all so fun and nice.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 07-09-2011, 05:40 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,373
Default

It was very exciting for me that first time I had two trysts in one day. I remember thinking my ex would never believe I was doing that! Also, there was a part of me that felt kinda slutty, yet at the same time it was very empowering because I was acknowledging my desires and took steps to fulfill them. All of this dawned on me afterwards, of course; there was no plan or machinations to make it happen that way. It just did, and being with two lovers, on two separate occasions, in one day, just made me feel like I truly am the one in charge of my own sexuality and sexual expression. So important for women to feel that, especially in this judgmental society. Yay!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 07-09-2011, 09:33 PM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 79
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I am always saddened and perturbed when I read here something like, the husband will say, my wife has a new BF, they are deep in NRE. She's so into him, she won't fuck me, and if she does, it feels like pity sex, or maintenance sex.
Sadly, yes, there are a lot of inconsiderate this-is-who-I-am-deal-with-it kind of people out there, but Vanilla has been nothing but loving, caring and trustworthy in this. She has found her second soulmate, and wants to keep us both. And there was absolutely nothing pitiful or maintenance-like with what we did, quite the opposite, I felt a deeper and stronger connection to her than I have in a very long time.

Nycindie: Well, she's been purring like a kitten all day, so yes, I think she IS empowered. :-) And I love it.
__________________
Mono engaged to poly VanillaCrazyCake

Don't fear god, don't worry about death; What is good is easy to get, and what is terrible is easy to endure.
-Epicurus
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 07-14-2011, 08:19 PM
jasminegld jasminegld is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 80
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
So you've got ERI (established relationship intimacy)
I like this! It's really useful! Did you see this somewhere else? Or start it yourself?

Jasmine
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 07-14-2011, 08:39 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,724
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jasminegld View Post
I like this! It's really useful! Did you see this somewhere else? Or start it yourself?

Jasmine
I made it up myself! I'm a cunning linguist!
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
change, emotions, new dynamic, new partners, new to poly, sharing, starting out, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:54 AM.