"What does a single gal like me get out of dating a married man like you?"

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by redpepper

what does a married woman offer a single guy would be my question... especially a mono one.... hhhhmmmmmm Mono?

:

You offer me the same thing I would want from a single woman. Love and friendship. I don't need all the other stuff because I have already had it.

That was easy!

Being married or poly has nothing to do with what you offer me. Being poly just enables you to do it even though you are married.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by redpepper

Ceoli you are a lot like me in so many ways
:

That's it..we're done

[redpepper]

What are you doing with me then if you can get that from someone single and more available? Or is it that you don't want all the other stuff and know I won't ask for it, or that I might be less likely to?

Oh how I love you black and white man!!! even though you drive me crazy.....

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by redpepper

What are you doing with me then if you can get that from someone single and more available? Or is it that you don't want all the other stuff and know I won't ask for it, or that I might be less likely to?

Oh how I love you black and white man!!! even though you drive me crazy.....

I'm with you simply because I love you and am meant to share my life with you in the deepest way possible. Because you are a part of me.

The fact that I don't need all the other stuff makes us possible. If I didn't already achieve that, my mono nature and my mono conditioning would limit our sustainability and the depth of our future involvement. I would want to achieve those things in a traditional way. I would want to experience those things the way other people around me have. I've been there and done that. I have seen both sides and chose this side..the side you are on.

This is another reason that I believe destiny didn't want us to meet sooner. We wouldn't have been compatable no matter how much we loved each other.

[sweetie]

I'm not a unicorn, just one side of our V. I am offered and given so much in our relationship.

If I was younger, would I want to be in a poly relationship? Probably not. I have a 23 year old daughter, and wouldn't want her to have to share her love for her man. Is he capable of loving more then just one person? I'm sure he is, but she's just starting out her life, and for me, I believe every young girl deserves to have a man who will love only her. I was blessed to have that, and I want that for her as well. If she wanted a poly relationship, I would be very vocal in advising against it. I would ask her to wait, find out who she is before she makes such a big decision.

I love both Sea and Tommy. They are a big part of my life and my world. Because of them I have an extended family with children that call me their other mother. I have the security of knowing that should I ever find myself without a place to live or means to support myself, they will be there.

I have the luxuary of knowing that they love me for who I am, and not wanting me to be someone else. I have confidence in myself, because they show me nothing but confidence in themselves, each other, and me. I can be opinionated, argumentive, happy, sad, a know it all, and a know nothing, and they still respect my thoughts and feelings. I know that I have not just one champion, but two. They would never allow disrespect for me or our relationship. When I'm right, they tell me I am, and when I'm wrong they tell me that too. Most people if they are lucky have one person who love them uncondionally, I have two. No agenda. Not what's easier for them. They live with stares, the pointing fingers, and the whispers, and do so willingly, and with love. When I want to be alone, I can be alone. When I need to talk, one or both listen.

Will I ever marry Tommy? No
Will there always be someone who was there before me? Yes
Does that take away from what we share now, or from our future? No
Am I apart of their future? Absolutely


I am truly blessed. I have the best of all dynamics, and I oftentimes wonder what this single gal offers their married life.

[Ceoli]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

You got me! I did write that...and I stand by it.

My point is you can't gain those EXACT same experiences unless you do it the same. You can't experience riding a motorcycle by driving a car..you might get to the same destinations but will not have the same experience as the person on the bike. If almost everyone else is getting there on a bike you'll probably want to try it too.

And my point is that there are far more ways to gain experience than in a narrow traditional relationship as you put it. What experience are you actually talking about? Being able to love someone completely and dedicate years of your life to them? Being able to have kids with them? Being able to feel safe and secure in their love for you and vice versa? Being able to buy a house and build a life together? Being able to make life changing decisions together?

Exactly what experiences in a deep loving "traditional" relationship exist that don't exist in other types of relationships? I suppose the only one might be feeling "normal" though for many that's not even the case.

Either way, I stand by my stance on it. Being "normal" for the sake of experiencing "normal" doesn't give us nearly the treasures self-knowledge that those other experiences give us, and none of those experiences are unique or exclusive to "normal". I guess you just place a higher value on normal than I do.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by Ceoli

I guess you just place a higher value on normal than I do.

You totally missed the whole point of what I was talking about. Sweetie got it.
You and I speak different languages on this subject so there is no point in contiunuing to speak about it at all.

I will say that I feel I place a higher value in seeking things that are achievable.

[Ceoli]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

You totally missed the whole point of what I was talking about. Sweetie got it.
You and I speak different languages on this subject so there is no point in contiunuing to speak about it at all.

I will say that I feel I place a higher value in seeking things that are achievable.

Just because I don't agree doesn't mean I don't get what you're saying. And what I'm saying isn't any less achievable than what you're saying.

[redsirenn]

Hey Mono and Ceoli!
I value both of your opinions, and take them to heart - you have great insight in my situation and for others, but might I kindly suggest continuing your conversation via another thread, pm, or public message? You both have very valid points, and this thread is getting a little hard to follow is all.

Red

[Ceoli]

No worries, I think it's done. Though I do think the conversation was relevant to the idea of what the needs of a single girl can be and that they aren't always the traditional things in the way they're laid out here.