Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-26-2011, 05:12 PM
buttons buttons is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5
Default That awkward conversation

I'm new to poly. I've been wanting to try it for years and FINALLY have found a person that I care about who is willing to give it a go. I don't think he is completely sure what he's getting involved in... he's been in an open relationship before but it was a don't-ask-don't-tell kind of situation that ultimately was the cause of its ending.

So when I have to tell him, hey I met a guy, we're going to go out, it's awkward. Very awkward. Does anyone have any suggestions for making it less so? We are trying to be totally honest. It's hard to find that balance between full disclosure and being considerate of the other person's feelings.
Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2011, 06:43 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

One of my first forays into poly was with Dreamy, a really hot guy I met online. I started out telling him that I wanted to be completely open and honest with him. We would share our dating stories, usually while in bed. There were times he'd say to me, "Are you sure you want to hear this?" and I said, "Yes!" I let him know that I really wanted to be able to communicate about sex and relationships, and so on. Of course, I still had moments when I did feel a bit awkward myself, but I would acknowledge those feelings and let them go. Dreamy actually expressed relief at being able to talk about this stuff. If let your partner know that it's new for you too, but that it's important to you to be able to say what needs to be said, then you two will be able to find your own comfort zones together. You don't have to share all the little details, and be mindful of when it gets too uncomfortable, but if you show ease in being able to talk about dating others, at least, it might make him feel ease at listening.

There was another guy I was seeing (very briefly) who was really not okay with my wanting poly relationships, and he was resistant to hearing anything about it -- I had to be super pushy about getting him to listen, and eventually broke it off because he really wanted us to be mono in the end.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2011, 11:31 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Keep at it. Practice makes perfect. Just when you think you couldn't possibly say what you need to say and that you are done with the feeling uncomfortable thing,,,, say it anyway.

that's what works for me anyway.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 09:48 AM.