Pregnant girlfriend. WTF now?

[sagency]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

You don't need to tell me about the risks and benefits of hospital versus homebirth, sagency. I've been in the alternative parenting/birthing biz for over 25 years, as a La Leche League Leader. I've worked with hundreds of mothers who have had homebirths. Rest assured most homebirth outcomes are equal to, if not better than, hospital births. Bad things can happen in hospitals too. Doctors fuck up all the time.

I am glad your wife and child survived.

Thanks.

We worked hard to find a hospital that allowed us to guide the process (squatting bar, birthing ball, etc.). Maybe it's just a Pacific Northwest thing, but they were super supportive of the idea of a natural, mother-centric process.

[ClariceK]

Thank you for this thread!!! I have found so many things that we had not thought of discussing that we have now discussed because of these boards. Ihave been having some thoughts about what would happen if our GF were to get pregnant. Would she have an abortion because she doesnt want another child? (she has a 5 year old) or would that not even be an option for her? Would she expect us to help her support a child? (We would of course if it came down to it because both Hubby and I hate deadbeat dads) but I do know I would be very very upset if part of my husbands good paying jobs paycheck went to support a child with a woman that we are no longer even seeing. Another thing is the reality of NRE and how everyone talks about how they will be together forever, and we always talk about relationships as if they are definately going to work out, and that in reality that is not only not always the case, but it is rare that it DOES really work out. We had always talked about "what do you mean if this doesnt work out, dont you have faith in this relationship? You are being defeatest" and instead it has turned into "we need to talk about this relationship on the basis of this wont work out when we discuss pregnancy because it will really truly only be a issue if it happens and we arent in the relationship anymore.

Hubby and I havent had much sex in the last 10 years, we have often done oral rather then intercourse because of sex issues I have since spent 10 years in therapy working on, then 3 years ago I was diagnosed with Uterine Cancer and for 2 years before that sex was painful, I didnt tell ym husband because well honestly, I hate doctors, hate going to them, have a severe fear of them, so I didnt go for regular exams. My cancer only got diagnosed because my hubby made me go to the dr after I was sick for a long time and finnaly admitted that sex was painful. Since being in remission, sex has been very hard because of the changes in the chemical and hormonal systems after chemo and radiation. (I couldnt have a hysterectomy because of other medical issues) so we havent had sex ona even monthly and for a while there we would go 6 months at a time without intercourse. He has always pulled out as his method this has worked and I have been ok with this because we are married and if I got pregnant I would be ok with that, but it wasnt something we were trying for.

I was afraid to talk to GF about this because of fear of hurting her feelings by saying "I dont want you to have a baby with my husband yet if ever", but since she is also on here, I was able to show her this thread (which she had already started reading on her own, DAMN I love this girl!!) and she said "I will just go get that implant that lasts 3 years, if we are still together in 3 years we can revisit if we are all financially, emotionally and otherwise ready to add another child to our family" I cried I was sooo touched that she would do that for us. Honestly, I having a fear of Drs would never be willing to have a implant done, even for my husband LOL

I have come to find that most if not all of the issues I have had in this relationship are related to ther relationships in which we wanted a woman to share our lives with, and the women wanted my husband and were tolerating me or even worse hating me and telling my husband they didnt because they knew they had to say that to keep him because he is and has always been clear about the fact he would immediately dump any relationship that tried to break up our primary marriage. Having had these experiences I was looking for and turning every single little thing I could into "she is trying to take your husband", I havent had a woman that has truly loved me and I have been very skittish about this.

[sagency]

I'm glad the forums are helping. It's always interesting how the similar experiences of others help us with our own seemingly major things.

If you and hubby are really not interested in kids, he might consider getting snipped. The procedure now is much simpler than before--easier than a dentist's visit with soreness for about two or three days. In my case it was ibuprofen level sore, nothing worse.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by sagency

retarded son

That would be developmental or cognitively disabled...

I work in the field. Just sayin'

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by redpepper

That would be developmental or cognitively disabled...

I work in the field. Just sayin'

It would also be field-proper to say "son with mental retardation".

[TheBlackSwede]

Just posted this over on my blog, for those of you who were wondering what ever became of my situation:

Originally Posted by SvartSvensk

Sorry for the long gap between updates, folks.

L says she had the procedure. I offered to take her to the doctor, she declined numerous times. She told me that she was in the hospital for a couple days because of this combined with her other issues (cysts, etc), but that they didn't remove any of the cysts while they were in the neighborhood (which strikes me as very odd). I've had very little contact with her since, and it took numerous calls and texts to get her to respond to me, which I suppose is understandable. Her attitude when I spoke to her suggested that in her mind the only reason she did this was "for me", even though when we originally had this discussion there were a whole host of reasons to get the abortion, most of which had nothing to do with me and my life.

Still, many things do not add up. I feel like I don't actually know anything, just what she told me, and I have no way of verifying any of her statements, which leaves me with the awkward situation of wondering if she really went through with it, if she was ever pregnant at all, if it was actually mine, etc.

I'll readily admit that L and I went bareback far too soon. I know NOW that she's less than trustworthy, but I didn't at the time. Perhaps I was blinded by NRE, but I also didn't have the facts that I do now with which to draw such conclusions. Condoms will be a must from here on out, for long long periods of time. *sigh*

G won't be having sex with the guy with herpes. Or even making out with him any more. We tried to get tested for it, but the doctors said that it wasn't worth testing for unless there was an outbreak, so he wouldn't order the test.

All this shit almost makes monogamy look attractive...

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

It would also be field-proper to say "son with mental retardation".

BAH, do people actually say that still? GAUD, that is dark ages shit and soooo not cool where I come from.

[candi]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

So hormonal birth control doesn't work for her and condoms don't work for you. There are still a whole host of birth control options out there (other than surgery). Some of the options that immediately spring to mind are an IUD and the diaphragm. If you are both disease free either of these would be a good option (and they're both pretty effective at preventing pregnancy too).

I've used VCF film...for 12 years now, with no problems/pregnancy's. It's a thin little piece of clear soft material, like Syran wrap. It's made by the people who make VCF foam. Very convienent, cuz you can put it up, ahead of time, or right before. This at least takes care of birthcontrol...not diseases. These can be purchased at Walmart or a drug store and they are about $13.00 for 9. The advice I would give on these, is to make sure when inserted, you feel that they are all the way up. I have had them stick to my finger, and come back down. Best way to avoid this, is to wet your finger with water first. The man can't feel them..yaaaah and neither can the girl. This is a great method for those who don't like condoms, want fluid bonding, but don't want pregnancy. They also work well, for a girls who truley DON'T want to get pregnant. Hope this helps.... Candi

[NeonKaos]

I dont know if people say that but they write it.

You canadians are so much more evolved with your terminology.

[TL4everu2]

I'm about as UN-politically correct as they come. I would opt for "mentally retarded son". Why? Because that's what he is. Developmentally disabled? really? The body/mind is/was retarded in it's growth. It was not "disabled". "Disabled" indicates that it was rendered useless. Obviously, if the person is living and breathing, then that simply is not the case. To "retard" something, indicated that it was not allowed to come to it's full maturation. Which usually IS the case in the instance of "mental retardation". Why call a heart, a spade, when it clearly is not?