Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 07-06-2011, 12:25 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,579
Default

SS, I posted this on your other thread, but you didnt respond.

You say L told you she was on the Pill, so you two started fucking bareback. How soon after you'd met her did you decided this? Was G fine with it? Did she even know?

Did you ever see L's BCPs in her apartment or purse, or see her taking any in the morning? Were both of you tested before having unprotected sex? Did you see her test results?

I also was reminded of the 2 times L was slipped roofies and even coke once. Is it possible she was raped those nights and didn't remember? You also said you 2 broke up and she was seeing some other guy, M. It's possible this baby is his, right?

Also, you mentioned your wife G fucked a guy some time ago, who gave her chlamydia and then passed it to you... So G also had unprotected sex with this guy?

Woah baby. Fluid bonding is serious shit. You say L was no good at communicating clearly. How did you trust her to have sex with no condoms, if she is untrustworthy and uncommunicative? Your NRE blinded you to reality, and to safety.

I am not saying all this to rub salt into your current wounds. Just please, lesson learned here.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 07-06-2011, 05:24 PM
TheBlackSwede's Avatar
TheBlackSwede TheBlackSwede is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 150
Default

Hey Mags - just saw your post over there... didn't see it had gone to another page!

How soon after we met? Admittedly, it was not very long. We had some brief unprotected contact initially and then decided to forego the condoms altogether after a few weeks. G knew about this of course. She was concerned about it, however. We had both been tested recently.

I did not see test results, or pills. I have nothing to go on here but her word, and L gets very combative when put on the defensive. I'm not pushing her on ANYTHING until Friday is over.

When L was roofied, I don't think she was raped - it's possible, but unlikely. There is some possibility that this fetus is someone else's DNA, but the timeline (according to her) places it on me.

Yes, G had unprotected sex with her previous lover, from whom we got Chlamydia. She basically didn't have protected sex with him at all.

My current opinions about L are affected by current knowledge and a lot more experience. At the time we decided to go bareback, she seemed very open and honest.

Absolutely agreed that this is a lesson-learning situation, and both G and I were far to trusting, far too soon, and yes, lesson learned.
-------------------------

In other news, L says she has an appointment on Friday to abort. We'll see if she goes through with it. I offered to be there, and she said she just wants to be alone for a few days, and if she changes her mind and needs me there, she'll let me know. I want to give her as much space as she needs, and I'm still kinda skeptical about this whole thing.

Is she actually pregnant? Is this just more drama she's cooked up to draw me in? If she is, is it mine? Was she ever on the pill? Was I straight-up duped? I have so many questions, and no answers other than what she says, so essentially, no real answers at all.

Anyhow, I'm not pushing anything until after this is done, then I can begin a quest for the truth.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 07-06-2011, 07:39 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 497
Default

I've hesitated to comment, because I wanted to make sure I could communicate my thoughts clearly. That said, ...

My husband is similar in that he trusts his gut a bit more than I am often comfortable with. Some of that is because we are different in that regard, he tends to take people at face value and go with that, and I tend to trust no one fully until they've earned it and that can take years. Which doesn't mean that he will go willy nilly into any situation and it doesn't mean I don't let people in at all. But I do tend to take almost everything people say "with a grain of salt", until they've stuck around long enough for me to see if their words and actions are in tandem. Even then, when it concerns health issues and life changing/altering things... it takes a whole hell of a lot for me to trust someone in matters that have such ground changing affects.

L reminds me of a few friends I have had in my life. Love them, but am no longer close friends because they breed drama into their lives. They make choices that bring drama, choose people that bring drama, choose careers and livlihoods that bring drama. If there's no drama, they get restless. When you're too close to that, drama ensues and sometimes you can get caught up in the whirlwind. It took me a while to see that what they said wasn't always the truth. Even longer to see that many times they didn't know they were being dishonest, their view of reality was so skewed that facts were different in their little world. This is probably part of the reason I don't trust very readily, actually.

I think maybe, once you get past the immediate drama, there are a couple of good talking points (I hate to say lessons, because that sounds like you're children)... for you and G to discuss seriously. Like if you're going to go without condoms with someone, when would that be, how would you discuss it, what would you require first... that sort of thing. Having these agreements in advance of NRE is important (and knowing you have to stick with it until you talk might help get you through the nekkid horny bad decision time period!) My hubs and I call these our "times of growth" . They can be good things coming from craziness, they can advance your communication by light years and they can make you stronger as a couple.

As far as L and the pregnancy... definitely keep an open mind. But I would definitely not do anything without proof. The fact that you asking her questions makes her "defensive" shows either that she's hiding something, or she is just very immature. I believe any sensible, mature, grown woman would understand that a situation such as this would involve a lot of discussion and questions and clarification.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 07-10-2011, 02:48 AM
Somegeezer's Avatar
Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Leeds, UK
Posts: 805
Default

I'm scared of what would happen if I were to get my partner pregnant. It's something we have discussed, but not acted on all that much. We agree that if it were to happen, at this point in my life, I'm not ready, and couldn't handle that responsibility. She already has a child who needs her time and attention too. We have unprotected sex. Neither of us have diseases, but there is the possibilty of pregnancy still. We have talked about contraception of many kinds and one of us always feel it's not something we'd enjoy [me using a condom, her on the pill]. I just feel that's not enough though. I feel like I should just stop with the sex until something is sorted. Until it is a definite rule or something.
__________________
[Insert witty comment here]
Feel free to add me up on facebook. - Just click here.
Do send a message in your request saying who you are and that you're from this forum. It will help me filter out any spam requests.
=]
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 07-10-2011, 03:01 AM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,579
Default

You're just taking your chances? Yikes!

I'd say, do outercourse or use condoms or an IUD. Something!
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 07-10-2011, 03:21 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

It's amazing what stupid things people will do even though they know better.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 07-10-2011, 05:44 AM
TheBlackSwede's Avatar
TheBlackSwede TheBlackSwede is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 150
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Somegeezer View Post
I'm scared of what would happen if I were to get my partner pregnant. It's something we have discussed, but not acted on all that much. We agree that if it were to happen, at this point in my life, I'm not ready, and couldn't handle that responsibility. She already has a child who needs her time and attention too. We have unprotected sex. Neither of us have diseases, but there is the possibilty of pregnancy still. We have talked about contraception of many kinds and one of us always feel it's not something we'd enjoy [me using a condom, her on the pill]. I just feel that's not enough though. I feel like I should just stop with the sex until something is sorted. Until it is a definite rule or something.
I highly urge you not to risk it, being in the situation I am now in, I can tell you, it was not worth it.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 07-10-2011, 06:07 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,188
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Somegeezer View Post
I'm scared of what would happen if I were to get my partner pregnant. It's something we have discussed, but not acted on all that much.
Why, why, why???????????!!!!!!!!!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 07-10-2011, 06:30 PM
ray's Avatar
ray ray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 819
Default

That's a huuuuuge risk. I mean, I know there's the rhythm method and all but you definitely need a plan in place. Babies are pretty damn inconvenient and uncomfortable. Your instincts are dead on. You're right to think maybe you should stop for now.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 07-10-2011, 06:59 PM
vixtresses's Avatar
vixtresses vixtresses is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 107
Default

According to Planned Parenthood, the withdrawal method is comparable to condoms in terms of birth control. Obviously, it provides zero STD protection, but it is something. It worked fine for my partner and I for 5 years before I got my IUD, and it worked fine for a friend of mine for 8 years (she broke up with the guy after that, not sure what she's using in her current relatioinship). People tend not to mention they're using that as a birth control method because it's pretty harshly looked at, but statistically speaking, it IS better than nothing. Just figured I'd throw that out there in case SG is using that and didn't want to say so.
__________________
Vix for short.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
children, disabilities, hurtful words, kids, pregnancy, safe sex, words

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:33 PM.