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  #21  
Old 11-06-2009, 06:39 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Oh... Ha! Seems Mono is on the same thought path :P
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  #22  
Old 11-06-2009, 07:03 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptZebra View Post
Are these requests reasonable? Do I need to have a good reason as to why I am asking for these things? Is it important that I share my reasons (of course, I will tell her if she asks)?
Well, if you're a reasonable person then of course you should have a good reason for any requests you make.

Lots of people are going to have lots of different opinions as to whether it's reasonable or not. For some it won't be, for others it will be. Hopefully, I'll be with partners who agree with me on what is reasonable. But in your case there are only two opinions that matter: yours and your partner's.

So why are you not asking your partner this question? Because if you think it's reasonable and she thinks it isn't, you have much more to talk about than what happens on her dates.
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  #23  
Old 11-06-2009, 07:51 PM
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ladyjools ladyjools is offline
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not wanting the partner iv only been seeing one month not to bring another person into our relationship is diffrent to wanting him him home by a certian time of night, but did decide in the end not to put that restriction on him anyway,

i was just hoping that the OP might see a diffrent way at looking at the got to be home by a certian time restriction,
even if i wasn't poly i wouldn't feel overly happy with restrictions on what time i have to be home etc

but i honestly do 100 percent understand that checking in and letting someone know what you're up to is just respectful,

Jools
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  #24  
Old 11-06-2009, 10:08 PM
CaptZebra CaptZebra is offline
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Thanks for all the input.

Just to clarify, these are requests, not demands. If she doesn't feel like these are reasonable or she can't honor them for whatever reason, then we will discuss until we get to where we need to be.

Mostly, these requests are about me, not her. I have no doubt that she will be where she says she will be and I do trust her. These requests are things that will make me feel.... safer? more secure?

I don't want to be up all night and I especially don't want to be up all night wondering when she is going to come home... but I know I will. I've fallen asleep next to her every night for the past five years. That's not a habit I can suddenly break, no matter how much I want to.

I don't want her to call me and ask if she can stay out later... I know myself well enough that I will say "sure, that's fine" regardless of how I feel (not so good with communicating emotions, especially in the moment). I don't want to be dishonest so I figure I will address it now, rather than later. The main thing is, I don't want to be asked--that's a decision she needs to make on her own.

I suspect that I will have different requests and reasons for those requests, six months in the future. But for now, this is where I need to start.
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  #25  
Old 11-06-2009, 10:16 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Why not just tell her you love her so much that you might seem selfish sometimes.
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  #26  
Old 11-07-2009, 03:00 PM
Catfish Catfish is offline
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These requests are reasonable, but if it were me, I would just ask for a phone call at some point. That takes a little of the pressure off and allows everyone to go where the night takes them.

just my $.02
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