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  #11  
Old 06-22-2011, 08:46 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by Topazia View Post
if she knows he isnt with me she expects to be with him

x

i am apprciating the input btw x
His girlfriend sounds like an odd mixture of poly sex networker and clingy monogamous girlfriend. If he moves in she sounds like the type to lose her mind with jealousy. It sounds like you are moving him in regardless and it also sounds like he is unwilling to see the possible harm in staying with this woman. You're in a bad situation. Good luck.
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  #12  
Old 06-22-2011, 08:51 PM
Topazia Topazia is offline
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He has been my friend for 4 years so i care about his welfare, i tried to tell him yesterdsay he needs looking after and i don't think she is doing it.

She is very clingy and everyone i meet says how jealous of me she is...she has radically changed the way she dresses (baggy jeans t shirts) to pencil skirts and corsets (me)...he has said he'd never move in with her...i feel as ihs friend i have to help him but he would have to realise she isn't good for him.

I wonder if she is poly because its what all the LGBT people do so to speak.

My friends tell me to stay with him and she will push him away..i just don't know if i should.

thanks, i blame myself falling for him. but hes been a crush for 4 years lol couldn't believe my luck so to speak! x
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  #13  
Old 06-22-2011, 09:31 PM
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I'm not sure what you are doing here to be honest. You sound convinced that he should move in, you should stay with him, he will leave his girlfriend, you won't have sex again with him, and that you will have a lovely mono future with him taking care of you. No one here can make him be the man of your dreams. So what do you want from this conversation? What are your doubts? There must be some or you wouldn't be here I would think.

Personally I think you are being na´ve to think that moving him in is a good idea. The man has some shit going on and I would personally ask that he deal with it before moving any closer to you and especially to a position of looking after you! If he is a dom, it harks of control and imbalance of power that he is bugging you and whining about it. Where is the respect for your space and independence? To me it sounds like he is moving in to be rescued and then to take over your life. Maybe I'm wrong, but something seems really off here. Its making my back tingle.
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  #14  
Old 06-22-2011, 09:45 PM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
This statement is again very concerning. If you lose this much over a person and don't care then that indicates you are just about willing to do anything for some one to "love" you.

My original advise still stands. Find another room mate. Seriously.
She's 23 which likely means that her last bf was one that she had in her teens. A lot of us made bad decisions in our teens with the people we chose to date and lost friends because of it. Hopefully the OP has learned from that last relationship and it won't happen again.

On another note though, I have to agree with what the majority of people are telling you here. It's not a good time to have your bf move in with you. There is too much instability at the moment which is just going to be amplified if you're living under the same roof.

I get that you don't like his gf, you might not even understand what he gets out of the relationship. The thing is that his relationship with her really has nothing to do with you. If you can't just leave it alone and not let it effect you you're not going to be able to be fully satisfied in your relationship with him.
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  #15  
Old 06-22-2011, 10:19 PM
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The thing is that his relationship with her really has nothing to do with you. If you can't just leave it alone and not let it effect you you're not going to be able to be fully satisfied in your relationship with him.
This!

If you insist on him moving in, fine. Just don't expect to dictate who he is or is not in a realtionship with. You can certainly request that she not come into your home and I don't see why you have to have anything to do with her anyway. Tell the bf not to even discuss her with you. His issues with her are his, NOT yours. Your issues with her are yours, not his.
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  #16  
Old 06-23-2011, 06:10 AM
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Derby and Tonberry have some good advice, I would also add that after this chicky is gone, there will be others... are you ready for that? If you are mono, maybe finding a mono boyfriend would be best. It sounds like dude is not all that stable at the moment.
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  #17  
Old 06-23-2011, 04:31 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Originally Posted by Topazia View Post
this other gf shes sleeps around with people but he doesnt want anyone but me and her and he asked me not to be with anyone else. he said for fairness i could but he'd prefer me not to...he is so right for me in everything just not her which is why im finding it hard to walk away.
Just to remind you - he does not want anybody but you and her - NOW. If he is poly oriented, whether they break up or not, at some point, he will probably want somebody else. He is consumed with the new relationship with you, and busy with two relationships, so isn't thinking about anybody else today. I just don't want you to fool yourself into thinking that if they break up, that means it would be just you and him forever.

(edit: I knew I should've read through to the end, of course RP already said it
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  #18  
Old 06-27-2011, 06:10 PM
Topazia Topazia is offline
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Thank you all for your honest answers..most i already know in my head i guess.

He will be moving in and i am considering asking him to be my best friend and an awesome housemate...its not what i want but i guess i need to stop things sooner than later..i ahve been his friend for 4 years so hoping we can live together maturely and i don't feel any ill feelings towards him.

will keep you all posted xxx
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  #19  
Old 06-27-2011, 07:19 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Erm? how is moving him in = "stop things sooner or later"?

What does it mean "consider asking someone to be one's best friend and awesome housemate"?

I find these two linguistic constructions don't make a whole lot of sense vis a vis the conversation in the rest of the thread.

Did you forget to use the word "not" a couple of times up in there, perhaps?
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  #20  
Old 06-27-2011, 07:52 PM
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Are you absolutely sure you can't seek any other resources for a house mate? Every time someone on the forum has suggested that this is NOT a good idea you have become very defensive... I sense a very unhealthy co-dependency here and I think things would get really bad for both of you if you moved in together.

You're SOOOO young. You are in a part of your life where you should be discovering new things about yourself and falling in love... with YOU!!!!!!

Ask yourself what you would tell a friend in this situation (someone you really cared about)... take it from there...

You can get lots of good advice on this forum. The key is taking it.... just sayin'...
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