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  #1  
Old 06-27-2011, 06:52 PM
marriedandwanting marriedandwanting is offline
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Default How do I explain this?

I am new to the site. Im not really sure what answers I am looking for but here is my story. I hope I can get some thoughts on what I can do!!!

My husband and I have been together since 1997. We have been married since 2003. Prior to our marriage we had an open relationship that I took advantage of. I ended up "cheating" on him for nearly 2yrs with a close member of his family and another guy. However he would sneak off at random times with a girl at a party or something like that. I admit It was not my best decision. We nearly divorced over the cheating..I begged for us to stay together. We have 4 children and this happened before our marriage and kids. now however I feel sexually trapped in our marriage to say the least. This has been a struggle for a really long time for me tho. He demands sex a lot and I don't feel sexually attracted to him like I use to when we were first together. I LOVE our marriage,I LOVE our family life and I LOVE him as a person but the sexual dissatisfaction is hard to deal with at both our ends. He wants more and I want something different. We haven't had an open relationship at all since we got married in 2003. I had to sneak around a time or two and find myself pursuing it recently very strongly. In fact I have been talking to a good friend of ours a lot and it is becoming hard for me to not plan to have sex with him..I need the feelings of satisfaction...This weekend we spent the entire weekend hanging out and I could barely keep myself controlled. I was secretly wishing my husband would leave us alone. The friend did hang out a couple wks back and came on to me very strongly and It made me feel amazing!! He really makes me feel very satisfied sexually. I have tried to explain to my husband the needs I am looking for so that I can feel satisfied and be able to satisfy him. unfortunately he just wants what he wants. I want us to have an open relationship again so we both can pursue our needs. He needs someone that is into just having wild sex every day 2-3 times a day. I need someone that likes a lot of foreplay and teasing before. He is open to having an open relationship again but, he feels that I wont be truthful with him. Which is where he is probably right. I don't really know what to say or how to tell him. I can't just say OK today I feel like I am going to have sex with so and so...I sometimes just am hanging with friends and I find an interest for that moment. I don't mind him being with other women,I am not jealous of that as long as it doesn't interfere with our family life. Meaning hes not gone all the time with the girl. Anyway - I am struggling with this and how to handle the situation.I feel like I need to say OK I am interested in sex with our friend so and so..Are you cool with that? My husband always makes the rules because he knows I will cheat again...I dont have emotional attachment but, I do enjoy my time with other partners. What do I do?!?!
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  #2  
Old 06-27-2011, 11:29 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Would you be so kind as to add paragraph breaks please. I can't read what you have written as is. Thanks, I have dyslexia.
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Old 06-28-2011, 12:16 PM
marriedandwanting marriedandwanting is offline
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Sorry red pepper I hope that I broke the Paragraphs ok. Im not good at it...


My husband and I have been together since 1997. We have been married since 2003. Prior to our marriage we had an open relationship that I took advantage of. I ended up "cheating" on him for nearly 2yrs with a close member of his family and another guy.

My husband though would sneak off at random times with a girl at a party or something like that. I admit my choice was not my best decision. We nearly divorced over the cheating..I begged for us to stay together.

We have 4 children and this happened before our marriage and kids. now I feel sexually trapped in our marriage to say the least. This has been a struggle for a really long time for me tho. He demands sex a lot and I don't feel sexually attracted to him like I use to when we were first together. I LOVE our marriage,I LOVE our family life and I LOVE him as a person but the sexual dissatisfaction is hard to deal with at both our ends.

He wants more and I want something different. We haven't had an open relationship at all since we got married in 2003. I had to sneak around a time or two and find myself pursuing it recently very strongly.

I have been talking to a good friend of ours a lot and it is becoming hard for me to not plan to have sex with him..I need the feelings of satisfaction...This weekend we spent the entire weekend hanging out and I could barely keep myself controlled. I was secretly wishing my husband would leave us alone.

The friend did hang out a couple wks back and came on to me very strongly and It made me feel amazing!! He really makes me feel very satisfied sexually. I have tried to explain to my husband the needs I am looking for so that I can feel satisfied and be able to satisfy him. unfortunately he just wants what he wants.

I want us to have an open relationship again so we both can pursue our needs. He needs someone that is into just having wild sex every day 2-3 times a day. I need someone that likes a lot of foreplay and teasing before.

He is open to having an open relationship again but, he feels that I wont be truthful with him. Which is where he is probably right. I don't really know what to say or how to tell him when I am attracted or when I feel the attraction to someone. I can't just say OK today I feel like I am going to have sex with so and so...

I sometimes just am hanging with friends and I find an interest for that moment. I don't mind him being with other women,I am not jealous of that as long as it doesn't interfere with our family life. Meaning hes not gone all the time with the girl. Anyway - I am struggling with this and how to handle the situation.I feel like I need to say OK I am interested in sex with our friend so and so..Are you cool with that? My husband always makes the rules because he knows I will cheat again...I dont have emotional attachment but, I do enjoy my time with other partners. What do I do?!?!
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Old 06-28-2011, 06:45 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Thanks for the paragraphs

Number one opinion? Don't cheat again. Stop now, it distroys EVERYTHING. He doesn't trust you because that was never rebuilt the first time around. If you LOVE your marriage, family etc. go into therapy and get your relationship sorted out before opening it up or I would venture to say you will have nothing. I suggest starting with the "forced" sex issue and trust issues.

Leave the friend alone. Your are playing with fire big time! Again, you need to either find a way to work together or divorce. You seem to be in deeper than your realize, but then I have VERY strong views on cheating that incluide little tolerance. I don't believe there is ever reason to cheat.

Check out some of the other threads on "cheating" and "affairs" in the search engine. Look under tags. Cheating and poly don't mix. I question whether or not you are poly as I don't hear love for anyone you have had or want to have sex with. If there is no love, it ain't poly.
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