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  #11  
Old 06-22-2011, 11:34 PM
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evrchanging evrchanging is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
It seems to work best to make oneself their primary and everyone else their secondary... "self" should always come first I think.
I really like this.
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  #12  
Old 06-22-2011, 11:40 PM
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evrchanging evrchanging is offline
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Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
I don't want to take a position on the possessive behavior of your bf but his need for contact maybe higher than the once a week visit. His age and activity level, and past relationship patterns may play a large role in how he is behaving. Or he could be really, really possessive and immature hard to say. Has he thought about finding another more primary relationship for himself? .....perhaps you may encourage that to take some pressure off. If he spent 2-3 nights a week dating someone else once a week with you would be no problem.

Good luck D
It would be the first situation. His need for contact is higher. I spent the night with him last night and I could really tell he just needed the contact with me. I have tried to get him to open up for another relationship, but he is 100% not going to "cheat on me". I think that is mainly because he REALLY likes me, and doesn't want to jeopardize it. (which I highly doubt would happen) Some of the home-front pressure is off of me now that the garden is in and I may be-able to spend 2-3 days with him off and on throughout the week.
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  #13  
Old 06-23-2011, 01:23 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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I wanted to make an additional point yesterday but my phone kept ringing with another fire to put out. I was surprised that no one suggested he maybe suffer the effects of NRE . With your work load, family responsibilities and new relationship dynamic with your partner's transition.... your relationship with him may look in your eyes more like of a fwb or fuck buddy. He may have developed greater feelings and is suffering from NRE. If that's the case once a week visits may feel like an eternity the other 6 days. There are lots of NRE experts here....they can help with that.

If you think he may be suffering a higher level of NRE than the relationship warrants from your perspective you should explain/define the relationship as you see it and its direction..... that could throw some cold water on that possessiveness.

Have fun D
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  #14  
Old 06-23-2011, 03:47 PM
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evrchanging evrchanging is offline
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I would love some NRE advice. New relationship energy? I know he has a lot of it (I do too), even though he proudly states he is my "Sex Toy", and wants to believe that is as far as he has taken it. Also guilt. I have slight tinges that what I am doing is "wrong", which everything is fine, but mono is all one is taught. I love how everything is going but I worry on occasion. I have two hearts in my hand and that is a big responsibility.
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  #15  
Old 06-23-2011, 04:41 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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[QUOTE]Also guilt. I have slight tinges that what I am doing is "wrong", which everything is fine, but mono is all one is taught.[QUOTE]

Why are you feeling guilty? You have no reason. You've been honest with both of your partners, everyone knows about everyone else, has agreed with the situation. If it's remnants of mono training, time to let go. It's ok to be happy! And fulfilled!

However, check in with yourself to see if there is something else going on in your head that leads to feeling guilty. Sometimes when I feel an emotion like sadness or guilt, that feeling covers over other feelings I don't want to deal with. Like fear or anger. If I just go around feeling sad, I don't actually deal with the issue. So I've learned to ask myself if the first feeling is really the 'base' feeling.

[QUOTE]I have two hearts in my hand and that is a big responsibility.[QUOTE]

Yes, it is. But ultimately your partners are responsible for their own hearts. Your posts read to me like you may take on more of the emotional responsibility than perhaps you should. Do your best by them, but also do your best for you.

Eh, sorry for the [QUOTE] thing. Couldn't get it to work right.
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