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  #21  
Old 06-24-2011, 02:01 PM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
I would recommend against a threesome experience as their first time together in your case. I think I see where you're coming from ... you want to feel included, to feel loved by them as well, right? But think about how uncomfortable you currently feel in the middle of their NRE. And then multiply that by a million. It will be their first time together. Whether they intend it or not, they are going to be pretty darn focussed on each other. Do you really want to be there for that? I think being in the middle of that would set you back in your progress.
Let them have their first time together. Their first several times together. Then maybe see what a threesome possibility would look like.
Yupp, I am very much in the same line of thought. It'll be a while down the road before that happens, but I know I am make it better in my head, and I know it's just BS. If they've never had sex, what scale of uncomfortability will it even measure on to have ME there?? :-) I know the reality of this, and I know that at some point, it will happen, when I'm ready to handle it. And I will. Right now I'm not, so I romanticize it, seeing how we can all get together and enjoy ourselves blah blah. Yes, at some point, that'd be really hot, but no, I don't see that happening their first time. Unless they both agree and very specifically ask for it. At which point I am fairly certain I will kindly decline. :-)

Right now, I'm working on handling the emotional bond. They have an incredibly strong bond, which is growing bigger and better every day, and that's what I have to work on and come to terms with. I really don't mind seeing them kiss and cuddle anymore, and it gives me great comfort that I know my partner won't leave me, and her boyfriend is one of my closest friends. I couldn't have asked for a better foundation to work on this.
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  #22  
Old 06-24-2011, 02:26 PM
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LostRane LostRane is offline
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HI CP,

I know how you feel for Rane and Draco's bond is huge and there are days where I feel jealous and upset. If I have learned anything in the last 2 months with all of this is keep talking, for talking it out helps. ( well me it does) You have every right to feel what you are feeling but try to figure out what triggered the feeling and work that. For me I was feeling like a third wheel when they were together for they were so focus on each other that I was feeling alone. So after two days of thinking about it and worrying that I could share Rane I started to talk. They were so caught up in NRE that they didn't notice what they were doing. Now one of the three of us will say something at any time on how they feel and everyone listens.

I will tell you that the start of all of this was hard for me. I have started to write how I feel and then we all talk about it. I know for me I have every right to feel how I feel. Its now working on changing how I see and react to those feelings that has made the difference. There are days that I don't do well but they are getting to be fewer.
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  #23  
Old 06-24-2011, 02:38 PM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
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LostRane, thanks, I do sometimes have the same thoughts of 3rd wheel. Now, I am being very unfair as we've only been doing this for less than a month, and he is super-busy, not having much time free for her. It's easy to conclude and make solid statements, but so far I have waaay too little foundation for anything to make sense, it's all fluid and in motion. Right now, there is of course no triad, but I do see hope for that in the future. Their alone time is in effect a V, and that's what's needed for probably a long time. We had a good evening together yesterday and it was for me a picture of what the future can be, seemingly relaxed, watching a movie, all cuddling on the sofa. I know, and knew then, that it was a charade, a play we played for each other, and it will take a long time for that to be the honest truth. Lots of NRE has to fade, I have to be truly comfortable with their love, they have to be truly comfortable around me, and those two combined means they don't have to worry about hurting me. But it was a truly nice picture, one which for the first time in this actually changed what I hope for...
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  #24  
Old 06-24-2011, 02:42 PM
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LostRane LostRane is offline
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You and I want the same things. As I sit here reading you post I think that was me less then a month ago. I want to hug you and say it will get better and easier.
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  #25  
Old 06-24-2011, 02:46 PM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
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That is so comforting to hear, thank you. *hugs* This forum is amazing, you can find almost any combination, all situations, and always someone slightly ahead or slightly behind you. Feel free to pmsg me if you ever wanna chat and share experiences. I've made a few, but my mental canvas has barely been touched by paint yet...
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  #26  
Old 06-24-2011, 02:49 PM
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LostRane LostRane is offline
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I will do just that... For talking it out helps. And I always say you can never have too many friends...
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  #27  
Old 06-25-2011, 10:36 AM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
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Thank you!

I do feel like I've come a long way, and I know it's only been a few weeks, but every now and then it sinks a little deeper, and it scares me every time. This is real, this isn't reversable or re-negotiable. My life has changed, in some ways to the better, in some ways to the extremely different and in others to the worse (subjectively, I know). It will be an interesting few months ahead, seeing them together, sending her off to be with him alone etc...I don't feel good about it, it's still not something I want, but my "I hope this..." has changed from "...blows over" til "...works out". And that was pretty huge.
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