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  #1  
Old 06-19-2011, 08:07 PM
ghanlon03 ghanlon03 is offline
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Default Am I poly?

So I've been in and out of so many relationships, it's not even funny. The last few have ended because I cheated. Bad, I know. Now, I wasn't upset or unhappy in any of these relationships. On the contrary, I was very happy. But my sex drive needed more than they were giving or just something different every now and then. I've started considering the possibility of being with more than one woman at a time, or even a couple-lesbian or straight. But am I just a horny guy that is insatiable or am I poly still searching for more than a vanilla, mono relationship?
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Old 06-19-2011, 08:52 PM
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Hmm, not necessarily. It sounds like you are more after recreational sex than multiple loving relationships. You might find more of what you are looking for in the swinging scene.
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Old 06-19-2011, 10:14 PM
ghanlon03 ghanlon03 is offline
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Well, I've looked into the swinging scene, but none of my past partners have been willing to swing with me and almost no one is looking for a "single male." They want both partners there or no dice. And I do think you're right, that I'm probably looking more for a 24/7 sex partner to share with a girlfriend or whatever. Not so much another girlfriend.
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Old 06-20-2011, 08:56 PM
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I think that the best you could do is be totally honest with possible partners in your communication. That way there are no expectations and no assumptions. Further more, if they are finding that they want more, I suggest that you find a way to be okay with them finding other loves and sex partners as they see fit. What ever the arrangement, make sure you are honest with yourself and any one involved and stop the cheating.
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  #5  
Old 06-20-2011, 09:14 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ghanlon03 View Post
So I've been in and out of so many relationships, it's not even funny. The last few have ended because I cheated. Bad, I know. Now, I wasn't upset or unhappy in any of these relationships. On the contrary, I was very happy. But my sex drive needed more than they were giving or just something different every now and then. I've started considering the possibility of being with more than one woman at a time, or even a couple-lesbian or straight. But am I just a horny guy that is insatiable or am I poly still searching for more than a vanilla, mono relationship?
High sexual drive is never an excuse for cheating. No offence.. unless you have 0 self control... I can be insatiable.. I don't cheat. Its a personal choice, not a sexual one.

Sex by itself isn't poly.. if you are looking to just get laid, find a girl who will accept an open relationship and enjoy yourself. Poly is about the love (with a side dish of fucking)..
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Old 06-20-2011, 09:41 PM
ghanlon03 ghanlon03 is offline
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I agree with you and I was not right for cheating. But it seems I can't even find a partner that is truely ok with an open relationship even. It scares me to think that I may just have to be single for a long time just to continue with who I've become, as committing seems to have the price of changing to please my partner. Perhaps I'll find "the one" someday, but I doubt it at this point.
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Old 06-21-2011, 03:01 AM
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Default My take

You need to decide what it is you're looking for. You may need a primary girlfriend that is understanding of your need for recreational sex. There are women out there are going through the same thing you are. You might find a relationship with the right primary person will really make a big difference in your life. Sounds like you are looking for a girlfriend that wants an open relationship.
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Old 06-21-2011, 08:16 PM
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Maybe you need to look in different places. Go to a poly group, create a poly group, try different things... It sounds like you have decided that you won't find what you are looking for. Maybe letting that go and just loving what you do have; adding some new and different experiences to that and breaking out of the same old rut will create what you seek.
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Old 06-21-2011, 09:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ghanlon03 View Post
...my sex drive needed more than they were giving or just something different every now and then. I've started considering the possibility of being with more than one woman at a time, or even a couple-lesbian or straight.
Well, no lesbian couple is going to want you, because lesbians don't like men. What you are looking for is a unicorn, a hot bi babe who will be willing to have sex with you and your gf together... or just a woman who wants casual sex with you alone. And a gf who will be OK with you having casual sex "on the side." Correct?

Quote:
But am I just a horny guy that is insatiable or am I poly still searching for more than a vanilla, mono relationship?
You're not really poly if you just want one real gf and one other woman who is OK with dropping everything to have sex with you "24/7." Being poly means you care for, even love, all your partners. If they need you when their cat dies, you're there for them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ghanlon03 View Post
Well, I've looked into the swinging scene, but none of my past partners have been willing to swing with me and almost no one is looking for a "single male." They want both partners there or no dice. And I do think you're right, that I'm probably looking more for a 24/7 sex partner to share with a girlfriend or whatever. Not so much another girlfriend.
There are swinger websites out there, where you can hook up with single swinging women. You don't need to go to swinger's parties with a female already at your side. Altho you might meet a swinger on the website who would be happy to go to those parties with you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ghanlon03 View Post
But it seems I can't even find a partner that is truly OK with an open relationship, even. It scares me to think that I may just have to be single for a long time just to continue with who I've become, as committing seems to have the price of changing to please my partner. Perhaps I'll find "the one" someday, but I doubt it at this point.
You live in a conservative state. Perhaps you need to move to a more liberal one, where there are open-minded single women who might fit your needs, as a gf willing to be open, or another woman who wants casual sex with you and is OK with you already having a real gf.
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  #10  
Old 06-28-2011, 01:05 PM
marriedandwanting marriedandwanting is offline
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thank you for this post. It was eye opening for me I am sort of in the same boat you are only I am married to the man of my dreams but, want more out of our sex life. He doesn't satisfy me the way I would like for him to. Somewhat emotional but mostly physical. I am always searching and wanting another man in my life for playtime as does my husband.

Anyway - Thanks!!
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