He sees another woman but dosnt want me to see anyone else

And I feel.guilty about it, it's not fair is it? I would prefer to just see him but he won't stop seeing her or if he is he wouldn't stop dating other women. He says he won't know how he feels until I do it, like he may not want to see me for a while or may want to take a break if I see anyone else. But we originally agreed that I could date people and he would just date her and I. It's so unfair that I dont threaten to not see him because he sees her but he wont give me a safe boundary, he just says hes not sure how he feels and he may not want to see me even though he agreed to let me date other people

There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. You are right. He is being unfair. But at least he is being honest with you. So if he can't handle you dating other people he will have to figure out how to deal with that.

Hi Violet,

I don't understand why you feel guilty, you haven't done anything wrong. This man is imposing a double standard on you (and not even being clear about the consequences). That's not fair to you. Plus he has a history of doing you wrong, we have talked about that in your past threads. I wish you would consider breaking up with him, and finding another man who will be monogamous with you, or at least who will let you seek additional partners. I know you love him, you care about him, you like to spend time with him, and as a bonus he is well-endowed. I just feel like you are losing more than you are gaining in this relationship. Maybe I'm wrong, I might be misunderstanding as you might be mostly venting on this forum. But it is hard to see you suffer.

If he is 99% a good man, and you are sure you want to stay with him, then you might as well bite the bullet and not see any other men. Or you might try seeing other men since he apparently doesn't know how he would respond, but keep in mind he has responded poorly in the past. In the end, I fear that you'll find that you just have to suck it up in this situation. He cannot handle you dating other people and I don't see that changing. I hope I'm wrong.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

My wife is seeing 2 other guys and initially she encouraged me to start dating too! However, she has started putting more and more conditions, specifically an OVP and she starts bitching about anyone I tell her I'm seeing, not just to me but to our friends as well (we are not 'out' as a poly relationship with them).
Basically I get the impression she's not at all happy with me actually finding happiness outside of her.
This is a narcissistic tendency and very hard to discuss or correct. If you can discuss it rationally with him, why he feels he might not like it, then there may be hope, but i feel that he is not thinking of you and just considering his own feelings, which imho is not what poly is about!
Good luck!

I'm confused. Are you saying something like...


Is that it? If so? In your shoes? I would stick to the agreement and go ahead and date other people. Let him deal with himself.

• If he made the agreement in bad faith? Well, he can handle the consequences.
• If he made the agreement so it's open for him but not really for you? Let him handle the consequences.
• If he cannot give you want you really want? Closed? Then this isn't a runner anyway. You may have to come to terms with that and end it yourself.

Maybe dating other people helps you find a partner who CAN give you what you want. Certainly don't need the unfair/weird... like he's holding you emotionally tied up or something.

If this is the same guy from your other threads? Sounds like a drag, to be honest. YOU could end it and move on. I get that you may have strong feelings for him but it doesn't sound healthy and you don't sound happy.

If he's draining you? You will have to cut ties before you can start to feel better. Not fun to think about, but I think you could put YOUR well being first.

Galagirl

Hi Violet77

Where's Rodney Dangerfield when you need him?

I don't get no respect.

If my wife didn't have double standards, she'd have no standards at all.

You said that you would prefer to see only him in your original post. He clearly prefers to see multiple people at once.

Would it be possible for each of you to realize your preferences in life? Why would you even consider seeing other people if you don't want to, just because he is doing it? If he jumped off a bridge... Never mind.

It sounds like he is being unfair, it also sounds like you agreed to do something that you didn't want in the first place. You could try to re-negotiate the terms of the relationship to suit both of your preferences.