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  #1  
Old 11-24-2009, 04:35 AM
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Default D/s and poly

Question:

New to this. I want some feedback please.

If you are a sub to your Dom significant other-how do you feel (and why) about them having other sub's?
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Old 11-24-2009, 05:00 AM
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Oh my the things that are going on for you!

Um, I get very pocessive and jealous when my tersiary talks about doms he has met on Fet life or the SM events we go to. He says he has no time for anyone other than me and I am relieved, but I know he wants more than I give. There is still so much to do for us to be mutually satisfied with the arrangement. I get pocessive and jealous when men from my poly group talk about finding a Dom too. Why? I think because I really want to spend more time Domming! I really want to be their dom! Eventually I would like to develop several paying relationships that offer non-sexual services to men and women that require dominance in their lives.

I'm turning 40 next month and have asked for money so I can buy some supplies in an attempt to move in this direction. I have talked about it with Mono and he is acclimatizing himself to the idea slowly. The no sex thing helps, but he is a protective man and is slowly learning that I can take care of myself, although having him near by is a good idea I think at the beginning while I establish a rapport with people. I think my therapy background and my present job working with people with developmental disabilities will help me tremendously.

As for the sub thing? I have no feelings about it at all. I have been a sub before but more as an exploratory measure to learn what limits are and what things feel like. what better way than to feel them yourself.
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Old 11-24-2009, 05:09 AM
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Mono just pointed out that I didn't really answer the question right... opps sorry. Got all exited there. That last line isn't really helpful.
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Old 11-24-2009, 06:00 AM
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Quote:
Oh my the things that are going on for you!

Yeah-no shit huh? What a fucking long weekend. That's about all I can say right at this moment.

Quote:
Um, I get very pocessive and jealous when my tersiary talks about doms he has met on Fet life or the SM events we go to. He says he has no time for anyone other than me and I am relieved, but I know he wants more than I give. There is still so much to do for us to be mutually satisfied with the arrangement. I get pocessive and jealous when men from my poly group talk about finding a Dom too. Why? I think because I really want to spend more time Domming! I really want to be their dom! Eventually I would like to develop several paying relationships that offer non-sexual services to men and women that require dominance in their lives.
And so your tertiary is sub to you then?

Quote:
I'm turning 40 next month and have asked for money so I can buy some supplies in an attempt to move in this direction. I have talked about it with Mono and he is acclimatizing himself to the idea slowly. The no sex thing helps, but he is a protective man and is slowly learning that I can take care of myself, although having him near by is a good idea I think at the beginning while I establish a rapport with people. I think my therapy background and my present job working with people with developmental disabilities will help me tremendously.

Cool. Not something I want to do-but cool none-the-less.


Quote:
As for the sub thing? I have no feelings about it at all. I have been a sub before but more as an exploratory measure to learn what limits are and what things feel like. what better way than to feel them yourself.
Lol-already read your NEXT post-so that made this line much funnier.
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Old 11-24-2009, 06:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Mono just pointed out that I didn't really answer the question right... opps sorry. Got all exited there. That last line isn't really helpful.
I see Mono didn't deign to answer himself either.
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Old 11-24-2009, 06:22 AM
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Mono was curled up next to me on the couch when he said that. He just went home...

My tesiary is mostly sub to me... there is things he likes that I allow him to dominate me with, but I am not always keen. Mostly he likes to be completely controlled by short fiery women.... which I am.

Yes it's not for everyone and I certainly took a long time to get to this place. The more I get into it the more I desire to be completely worshiped and want to completely take care of people. I am not sure I am always into the pain part, but bondage, shoe worship, etc. I really enjoy!
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Old 11-24-2009, 06:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I see Mono didn't deign to answer himself either.
Actually, I enjoy both aspects with Redpepper; sub and dom with respect to bondage. I'm not much into inflicting pain on the woman I love....Denial yes! And I have also assisted her in domming her tertiary at a public event. At these I am definitely viewed as a sub as I wear a collar and leash which rarely leaves Redpepper's hand. I love the idea of being possessed and "owned" by her. I also love the idea that this concept pisses off our poly friends . I'm hers, body and soul and I want everyone to know it. I am however a relatively strong sub in any event.....she is a very strong woman I must admit which makes our play lots of fun.

Seeing her dom her tertiary doesn't affect me much. I don't feel jealous over the s/m concept. I wouldn't want to watch her engage in sex acts with him though LOL!! He's a great guy and we all have fun together.

There...I said something
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Old 11-24-2009, 07:55 AM
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So before this totally goes off track, what's up dear LR? Why the question?
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Old 11-24-2009, 08:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
So before this totally goes off track, what's up dear LR? Why the question?
***** THIS IS LR ON MACA'S COMPUTER**************

Good lord I need to go to bed!

Mono-I'll answer your post in the morning.

RP-what's up is that now that Maca has figured out he is poly-we're working on a boundary list that is more pertinent (previous list really only addressed me since I was the only one "with" someone else).
I RECENTLY "came out" as a sub to Maca and GG. I don't see it in quite the "lighthearted" way that is... mainstream so to speak. (also not really into pain per se).

I see it more from a ownership/slave view... so to give that much power to someone is a HUGE deal for me especially in light of how VERY much a control freak I am in all area's of my life.

So while coming up with our list Maca asked about the whole aspect of BDSM with others. In regards to the ACTIVITIES I couldn't give a DAMN who is or isn't involved with him in that way. BUT in regards to the depth of our D/s relationship... not so sure.

Anyway-I was curious for other perspectives so I could reason out my thoughts, feelings, impressions etc.

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Last edited by maca; 11-24-2009 at 08:58 AM. Reason: to clarify who is writing
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Old 11-24-2009, 04:04 PM
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I'm somewhat surprised as the two of you seem to rule your roost together. It sounds like this is not in the bedroom kind of stuff so much as living day to day life. I would wonder how that would effect the kids? And your sense of self?

We have friends who completely live the life in this way. They have no kids living at home so it works quite well behind closed doors. When they are out in the world they are faced with much judgment and scorn. Day to day life is just not built that way.

Wow, LOL, I would soooo not be willing to allow someone to dominate my life in any way. I would be gone in two seconds. Having grown up in a household with a mum who was an old school feminist and my rather complicated astrological sign (among other things), you would see why.... if we all knew each other in real life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hard ass and certainly not ferocious, I just am very clear with people about restraining me in any way.

I would love to know how this would all work for you? How day to day life would be dealt with and what limitations to this practice would be be made. Perhaps a PM? I don't know how much you would want to say on here, or how appropriate it is to a "poly" forum.
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