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  #21  
Old 06-19-2011, 09:58 AM
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Kind of off topic but hoping this will bring it back on topic.

NK, I know you started a thread a while back where people could take any issues they had with something you, or other mods?, had said but I can't find it. Was it tossed with the last purge? This issue might be better dealt with there rather than here.

Back on topic now: Merxill, I'm glad to hear you're taking steps to get out of this situation. Keep us updated and be good to yourself .
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  #22  
Old 06-19-2011, 01:11 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by Merxill View Post
I still do not deserve to be called stupid, especially when I posted for help. I haven't done anything to you, and you voluntarily read (or read parts of) my post. I didn't make you read it or reply to me.

You have hurt me. Please understand that. I do feel unwelcome here because of how you have treated me.

If you've read my replies to the people who have been kind enough to give me genuine replies, you'll see that I'm really not looking for more pain. I feel like I am not welcome on this forum by you. Why do this to me?
Why do you LET me do this to you? Why do you LET your boyfriend do this to you? Why do YOU do this to YOURSELF? Why don't you stand up to your boyfriend the way you're standing up to me?

I didn't say you "are stupid" I said "If you are stupid enough to take this bullshit". I don't know. ARE you stupid enough to take this bullshit? Only you can answer that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
Kind of off topic but hoping this will bring it back on topic.

NK, I know you started a thread a while back where people could take any issues they had with something you, or other mods?, had said but I can't find it. Was it tossed with the last purge? This issue might be better dealt with there rather than here.
That thread has been deactivated.

I'm not making fun of the OP. I'm not looking for attention or trying to hijack this thread. "This issue" isn't about me. It's about the OP getting her head out of her ass. I'm not going to write garden-variety "poor baby" answers when it's obvious the OP is her own worst enemy here.

I have explained myself clearly, & if it means the OP doesn't want to be my friend, that's something I'm prepared to live with.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 06-19-2011 at 01:32 PM.
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  #23  
Old 06-19-2011, 03:32 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Merxill View Post
AutumnalTone:

Given the details I've supplied here in my replies to others as well, I'm not sure how to do that. I've tried to leave many times. Something always happens so that I am guilted and pressured back. I want to leave and I don't want to have to feel guilty for it. The guilt here is huge. The pressure is huge.
The only thing that happened is you decided to stay. You always chose to stay. Own those choices. They are yours. You made them. Repeatedly.

If you don't like that, choose something different. Stop making excuses and choose something different.
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  #24  
Old 06-19-2011, 03:34 PM
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Look. Im gonna be 100 percent honest with you. Since Im a survivor of abuse.. in many different forms. After being in YEARS of therapy. After watching people around me fall. You need to find yourself. Until you find and love yourself you wont see what others are saying. Just because someone SAYS they love you. Doesnt mean they do. LOVE is not in the words. YAY the guy can be nice to you SOMETIMES! (I rolled my eyes at this) After 12 years of marriage. I can tell ya if my hubs was only nice to me SOMETIMES. I would boot his ass out the door faster than you can blink. Good thing my hubs is nice to me almost all the time(hell even we arent perfect :P) My husband would never disrespect me and make me feel worthless. And I have been best friends with this guy since I was 14. We are 33. Plenty of years in there for him to be a jerk. Not once has he ever said anything about my weight. I could burn dinner every night and he still wouldnt bad talk me.
What you need to stop and think about is how you value yourself. And how you would like to be valued. Personally I took enough abuse in life to continue it. I may not be a damn model but Im fine with my stretchmarks and size 14 pants. And my hubs supports me no matter what my weight is. Or what I look like.. Think of this..
Would you tell a friend to stick it out if she cried about being called names or treated the way your s called partner treats you?
Or would you say.. Honey.. NO ONE deserves to feel like less of a person. Get out and one day you will find a partner deserving of you.

No one is trying to be cruel when they say you should get the f*** out and do it now. Your self esteem seems to be very bruised and battered as it is. Your just becoming a whipped dog. Cowering in the corner waiting for the next lashing. Honey.. You are worth more. Noone should laugh at you or ridicule you in any way. You need to take a good look at yourself. List all the good things you see. If you dont like your weight. Change it. BUT ONLY IF YOU dont like it. WHo gives a shit what others like. YOU are your own worst enemy. If you list the bad things after all the good.. Look hard at that list..
Go ahead. And say is this what OTHERS have said to me that made me put this on this list. Or how I REALLY see myself.
And remember you can change you for the better. You can start looking at yourself in a whole new light.
You cant change your partner.
ANd honestly.. A partner is supposed to be loving caring supportive. A best friend. ALL the time. Not just when its suits them.
Chris
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  #25  
Old 06-19-2011, 03:41 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Lots of us have been "the victim" of abuse in various forms. It irks me to see erstwhile "abusees" counseling present "abusees" with "Oh you poor thing. I know how hard it is to get out. When you're being abused, it's soooooo haaaaard to leave. I feel for you honey. I've been in your situation and I finally got out, but it's not as eeeeeeeezeeeee as everyone saysssssss."



Been there, done that. Would never recommend it to anyone.

OP, I am NOBODY. I am a stranger on an internet message board. If you let someone like ME get to you, you have a LONG ROAD ahead of you and it's gonna get worse before it gets better. But it will never get better if you do not get your head out of the sphincter hole.

That is all there is to it.
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  #26  
Old 06-19-2011, 05:04 PM
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The fact is that yes, it IS hard to get out of an abusive relationship. It is hard but is doable once you get tired of the abuse AND find some self esteem so you will be able to do what seems to be undoable.

The situation is different for everyone , this is true.

The hardest part of escaping is finding that self esteem which the abuser has been beating out of you (whether it's physically, emotionally, mentally, a combination or something else altogether) for what seems like forever and then some! It doesn't take a lot of self esteem to get out but it does take just a little bit. Most of us have to dig under years of baggage and shit to find even a half gram of it to fuel us in the right direction.

What it took for me was an online friend who simply talked to me, helped me acknowledge what I already knew, listened when I was having a hard time. He didn't judge, didn't berate, didn't do anything to coerce me into leaving. The decision was all mine. I just needed a friendly voice and a shoulder to cry on, someone to treat me like a human being rather than a door mat to wipe his feet on when he thought I was worthy of such treatment (which was all the time). We parted ways several years ago but I will ALWAYS be grateful to him for the HUGE part he played in my reemergence into the world of humanity!

It sounds like you're finding what you need to get out Merxill. Many hugs and give me a shout if you need a shoulder, a friendly ear or a kick in the pants although, admittedly, NeonKaos is better at the kick in the pants .
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  #27  
Old 06-19-2011, 05:13 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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It's been my experience that for every individual who is offended by what I say, there are at least two or three others who were thinking the same thing and are glad I said it for them so they didn't have to.

I haven't said anything much different than everyone else here, although I decided that i must apologize for the remark about having a baby because that was probably what triggered the OP to single out my message as offensive rather than merely blunt. Had I noticed in the OP the first time I read it, I wouldn't have said that. However, I would have said everything else.

(I apologize for the remark about having a baby, Merxill)

I am sure this is not coming across as sincere, but what can one do.

I will stop posting in this thread from now on.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 06-19-2011 at 05:22 PM.
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  #28  
Old 06-19-2011, 07:24 PM
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Wow, You are in a fucked up situation. It is really frustrating to read actually. I get really frustrated when people allow themselves to lose touch with themselves and reality at the hands of another. I have not ever experienced that, so I find it hard to relate. I do know it can happen over time and with manipulation of words and circumstances to suit the abuser. This seems to be what has happened here. It is possible to change your situation however.

I can only echo what others have said really. Find a good therapist, find a place to live, find your feet to stand on financially, find help from others that are either friends or better, professionals that are trained to get women out of abusive situations.

You love him I'm sure, but this is not a reason to stay in situations that are not healthy... abuse or not. I love many of my exes, but we are not together because the situation wasn't working for us any more. We wanted different things and needed to move on. It sounds like you need to move on because your relationship sounds toxic.

I think just starting by separating yourself from the present stuff that seems to get glossed over with words and manipulation and look at the big picture. What do you want for you future? Do you want someone who is not willing to accept and love you for who you are? Or do you want someone that tells you what you will do and how you should act according to what keeps them happy? Do you want to hate yourself because of your belief in what he says? Or do you want to start listening to yourself and finding the inner love you could have?

There have been some really good words of wisdom here. I suggest you take them. We don't know what is going on for him, and I doubt we will, but from what you say, this looks to be done.

Go take on your life. Its too short to waste on accomplishing his version of it. Good luck.
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  #29  
Old 06-19-2011, 08:49 PM
Merxill Merxill is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
I haven't said anything much different than everyone else here, although I decided that i must apologize for the remark about having a baby because that was probably what triggered the OP to single out my message as offensive rather than merely blunt. Had I noticed in the OP the first time I read it, I wouldn't have said that. However, I would have said everything else.
(I apologize for the remark about having a baby, Merxill)

Hey, you're a person too. We all are. Thanks for posting this. Just to let you know--I was not singling you out. I wasn't looking to be babied either (why come here for that?). I've just had enough mean-spiritedness in my life. It's time to move away from negativity as a whole. It's all progression anyway... The first, second, and third posts (it really does look like mocking) made me believe that you said what you said on purpose. That said, I appreciate that you are not posting in the thread any further. I consider this my first and last thread here, actually.

I'm not judging you. Thanks for taking the time to post this, NeonKaos. It shows that you see me as a real person and that's all I could ask for after all.


To everyone else, thank you so, so much for your posts, neutral, sympathetic, or even angry. If you took the time to reply to me or read this, you cared in some way. I've already taken steps to change this. Things are getting better already. Thank you again, and well-wishes.
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  #30  
Old 06-19-2011, 09:49 PM
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Thing is you can take what people say and either listen or throw it away. I hate to know someone is in the middle of it and not running from it.
NK-- is right. They did say exactly what lots were thinking. Wrote it in a blunt fashion which honestly..could be the kick in the ass needed. Your story is like many others and maybe someone else will read it and say holy shit thats hitting the nail on the head. Rather than dancing around it. I think no matter how rough the delivery of the message is.. Wouldnt you rather the truth? I know I sure as hell would. Not saying I wouldnt go in a corner for a few and say DAMN THEY WERE MEAN!!! lololol But after thinking about it.. You start going. Damn..they were RIGHT.
I dont think your stupid. I think you need to stop being the victim. But that is only a choice you can make. And Im glad you said your making steps to ensure it.
Chris
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