Resources/Advice for Secondaries

[serialmonogamist]

Originally Posted by nycindie

Still, in the back of my mind, I'm bracing for it to end at any time. Ya just never know at this early stage. But if it does end, I don't think it would be because of her not supporting him. I just feel that since he went along with her desire to be poly, there's a possibility he'd give it up for her if things went sour with her OSO and she had second thoughts or felt wounded by it all.

Ok, thanks for filling me in on the context. I didn't get that she was already seeing someone else. Yeah, you're right that she could freak out when she gets a dose of insecurity from the fact that he actually CAN establish a relationship with someone else. People can encourage their partners into exploration because they see them as clingy, etc. without realizing how much self-esteem they get by sub-consciously comparing themselves to the clingy partner. I think this is why many people who leave their partner suddenly come begging when they find someone new. Anyway, for your sake I hope that doesn't happen. But are you comfortable with the possibility that they're relationship might just fade leaving you as his primary (and only) partner?

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

But are you comfortable with the possibility that they're relationship might just fade leaving you as his primary (and only) partner?

I don't see their marriage fading. They're very much in love and devoted to each other. If anything fades, it would be him and me. For one thing, we live in different cities, so it will require some work to keep it going. And he is still seeking someone closer to home, besides me. And I'm doing the same, 'cause I wanna have someone 'round the corner, too, so to speak.

As for me, I'll just go with the flow of whatever happens. My thing is... as long as I feel respected, I'm in. And I can deal with whatever curve balls life throws me.

[MonoVCPHG]

I've formed a group for Secondaries to help deal with the Primaries in relationships. Of course Redpepper's husband was a great help in "deciding" what I should call it.

It's called the "Primary Interaction Support Service" or PISS for short...errr wait now...WTF?!

Friday night fun