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Old 04-11-2016, 04:45 AM
FyreMan FyreMan is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2
Default Well shit

Honestly I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. I've been married to the woman of my dreams for 7 years now and we've been completely monogamous. I have felt drawn to the poly lifestyle for as long as I can remember. From my earliest thoughts about relationships I always imagined it being something much more than what I'd been taught to believe was "right and wrong". I was raised in a very conservative small town in rural Alabama and carried lots of shame my entire adult life for even thinking this way.

So, about a month ago I brought up the idea of opening our marriage. It felt like I had a million pounds lifted from me and I could breath for the first time in ages. At first I know it was a shock to her. Now she has started to warm up and we've been able to have some good conversations about it.

There are so many questions I have now. I've started trying to read and research as much as possible and just found this forum tonight.

As open and understanding as she's been, I know she isn't ready yet. I'm not sure she will ever be and I'm trying to be OK with that.

Anyway, thanks for this page and for the honest communication on here. And if you are anywhere near Huntsville, AL, are in a successful open relationship, and would let me buy you a cup of coffee so I could pick your brain, shoot me a message.
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Old 04-11-2016, 02:50 PM
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Spork Spork is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 1,996


I hope that with careful, thoughtful, and honest talk between you two over time, maybe she will find a comfortable place and you can "breathe" and be yourself a bit more. It is often difficult I think, with established mono relationships, when one partner wants to change the terms and the other has to try and accept it if they can. It makes me feel very blessed that my present configuration was poly from pretty much the start. But I definitely wish you the best and I'm glad you're finding helpful reading materials. Shame sucks! I don't like how cultures link love, sex, and shame. Feels a lot like ruining a good thing. So even if you choose not to live a polyamorous lifestyle out of love and consideration to your wife...at least don't be ashamed for even being interested in it. Good luck in your journey!
Spork 38 F
Zen Sadist mid 50's, M - Sadomasochistic Top, Lover, Partner

Analyst, Fire & Hefe My poly quad for approximately a year, until about July 2016. I still consider them much-loved friends.

Ninja- 17, Son
Q- 15, Son

Old Wolf- Ex Husband
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Old 04-11-2016, 08:29 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 12,977

Greetings FyreMan,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Glad you have discovered polyamory/open marriage and lifted a load off you shoulders. I hope you'll continue to read and post on Polyamory.com and, maybe we can think of ideas that would help.

Kevin T., "official greeter"


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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