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  #11  
Old 06-14-2011, 01:28 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by Aitch View Post
..........
GroundedSpirit when we do have sex it's fine... no not stunningly earth-shattering, but pretty good and satisfying enough and there is variety. The biggest issue is the infrequency which is often to do with him being tired when we are together and because he's well-satisfied elsewhere it just doesn't seem to occur to him that I might be feeling in need.
Ok -- with you here.
But remember - we're talking about various reasons he's not providing what YOU need - in frequency.
You say it's 'fine - satisfactory' - but I think you mean from YOUR perspective. It may not be that 'fine' for him. I don't want that to start some insecurity slide for you but it's realistic. Like I said - sexual attraction waxes & wanes - changes with the mood, experience etc. There may be some aspects of sex that he's discovered with someone else right now that's just not part of your sex play. He may be totally fascinated with it. Like a new toy or new food etc. That's why I suggested trying to find out what it might be. You might then discover that it's something you like also or at least would be comfortable with. Then you could add it to your own spice closet

There's a lot of complexity in these areas so it's good not to take it personally but instead, just make it an investigation. The more we learn the bigger the world (of sex) becomes.

GS
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  #12  
Old 06-17-2011, 03:04 PM
Aitch Aitch is offline
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Hi and thanks for the comments. The bottom line of it all is that I do not want to leave him and I don't want to take a lover. I feel the value of what I DO have far outweighs what I don't. There is so much more to our lives - sex is only one part. The reason it's heavy on my mind is the lack of anyone to talk to about it - I don't know if I am odd in this respect, but I find it is really helpful to talk even if there is no "do x and all will be well" advice that I will be willing to take.

That doesn't mean to say that suggestions for improving things will be ignored - they won't, but they have to be ones which don't involve splitting up.
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  #13  
Old 06-18-2011, 01:21 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by Aitch View Post
....... The bottom line of it all is that I do not want to leave him and I don't want to take a lover. I feel the value of what I DO have far outweighs what I don't. There is so much more to our lives - sex is only one part. The reason it's heavy on my mind is the lack of anyone to talk to about it - I don't know if I am odd in this respect, but I find it is really helpful to talk even if there is no "do x and all will be well" advice that I will be willing to take.

That doesn't mean to say that suggestions for improving things will be ignored - they won't, but they have to be ones which don't involve splitting up.
Yes Aitch - it is just one small piece. Good to keep that perspective. And the importance of that 'piece' varies with individuals.

I understand your desire to have someone you can share all this with as you work through. That's the nature of the beast.
There are many fine, caring people even on this board who I'm sure would be happy to establish communication and friendship with you if you can't find anyone more locally. Myself included. You can do this through personal messaging or email or for some of us - even voice link.

Please feel free.........

GS
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  #14  
Old 06-21-2011, 11:20 AM
Aitch Aitch is offline
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Thanks GS.

I have also found Sage's blog which is useful. It is so good to know I am no longer alone with my feelings and can share/discuss them safely.
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