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  #31  
Old 11-06-2011, 01:33 PM
OpenandCountry OpenandCountry is offline
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Originally Posted by countrygirl View Post
Our girlfriend told her mother first. She was not really accepting of the situation, however, she told her that she still loved her and given time, she would come around to accept it.

My husband's mother does not know the complete story of our relationship. However, I do suspect when she finds out that she will not be very happy. Although, having a sister-in-law who has a same-sex marriage opens the door a little more.

As for me, I was raised a Southern Baptist...i.e., the most hypocritical people in the world. While my love for the female didn't start until later in my life, my husband was wonderful enough to let me explore that side and here we are. My father does not know at all...and it is doubtful that he will ever know, unless someone else tells him. He is one of those devout Southern Baptist who live by the credo, it is this way because it is right. I can respect his feelings. My mother has always been my best friend. There has been very little I have not ever been able to tell her. I have kept this part of my life a secret from her until recently. When I told her, with the help of my girlfriend, she listened, told me she did not agree with it because that is not how I was raised, but that she still loves me.

In the end, I agree with most...you have to do this when you feel ready. There are those in life that will accept your choice and never say anything or act like anything is wrong; on the other hand, there are those that will sit in judgment of you and the choice you make. I do struggle somewhat with my upbringing and the choices I have made, but in the end, I would rather deal with the way things are now than deny who and what I really am...
Your dad and my dad sound eerily similar. I would never tell him.
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  #32  
Old 11-06-2011, 01:42 PM
his1911 his1911 is offline
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I'm in the opposite of y'all, it's my mother who would freak cause she's the hardline southern baptist!
Most of our families don't know we're open although a few know we're not totally "vanilla" ( not in a bdsm sense), but oddly I generally don't discuss my sexuality or my romantic life with anyone who isn't either involved with me or at least has the potential to become involved, so I highly doubt I'll ever be completely open to most people, not that I feel I'm hiding it, just somethign I rarely discuss.
Although I do sometimes just want to put a damn sign in the yard so everyone would know then I'd not have to worry about it LOL
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  #33  
Old 11-08-2011, 06:02 AM
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I'm in the opposite of y'all, it's my mother who would freak cause she's the hardline southern baptist!
Most of our families don't know we're open although a few know we're not totally "vanilla" ( not in a bdsm sense), but oddly I generally don't discuss my sexuality or my romantic life with anyone who isn't either involved with me or at least has the potential to become involved, so I highly doubt I'll ever be completely open to most people, not that I feel I'm hiding it, just somethign I rarely discuss.
Although I do sometimes just want to put a damn sign in the yard so everyone would know then I'd not have to worry about it LOL
I know! I wish I could just let everyone know about my boyfriend as if it were a "normal" monogamous relationship that everyone understands. It's frustrating at times.
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  #34  
Old 11-09-2011, 01:29 AM
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I would have waited, personally, until I had some solid other relationships rather than when you're in the newbie dating stage trying to figure it all out yourself, but you already told her, so...

Did she ever know or find out about the affair you had?

You could pose it to her that way, you know, like: "Would you rather see me having an affair in secret and deceiving my husband, sneaking around so my children don't know where I really am? Or isn't it healthier to be honest and open with each other about what's going on?" And then be firm, "Look, I know this is something you object to, but I feel you are not making an attempt to understand. My husband and I love each other and have made this choice knowingly and willingly, and I would like to know I have your love and support even though you do not approve."
We are taking Nycindie's advice on this one. We have discussed it for a while and want to have the relationship stabalized before we rock the boat too much with our current family.
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  #35  
Old 11-10-2011, 04:52 AM
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We are taking Nycindie's advice on this one. We have discussed it for a while and want to have the relationship stabalized before we rock the boat too much with our current family.
Well, I talk some good shit, don't I? Seriously, I've always felt that it's important as adults to disengage from parents knowing everything about our lives. It could be tough for people who have really close relationships with their parents, but eventually healthy adults see their parents as... well, other adults. Of course we acknowledge that they brought us into the world and taught us how to live and be, but we don't owe them anything other than being true to ourselves, growing personally, and being the best we can be. While poly is still in a new exploratory stage for you, you certainly don't need to inform parents and family who may not be supportive.
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  #36  
Old 11-10-2011, 06:02 AM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Well, I talk some good shit, don't I? Seriously, I've always felt that it's important as adults to disengage from parents knowing everything about our lives. It could be tough for people who have really close relationships with their parents, but eventually healthy adults see their parents as... well, other adults. Of course we acknowledge that they brought us into the world and taught us how to live and be, but we don't owe them anything other than being true to ourselves, growing personally, and being the best we can be. While poly is still in a new exploratory stage for you, you certainly don't need to inform parents and family who may not be supportive.
I agree NYCinide. This is what I have always said too (I believe on this thread come to think of it ). I found it painful to not tell them after almost a year of being with Mono, but things are hard enough with committed relationships, at the beginning at least, to bring more confusion and drama into the mix by telling family. We were hoping to wait until we were all sure that it would all work out for us, but the parents insisted there MUST be something going on. They thought he was abusing our child. They were so far from right and normally I would just let them believe whatever, but when it came to my child and one of my loves and them wanting police involvement there was just no way I could sit on it.

Now I am dealing with hiding my increasing burlesque life. One day they are going to see me on a poster or something downtown! Or worse! On you-tube! I have several times snuck out the back door on my way to a show without them knowing. It feels so highschool. I wish they would stop showing up un-announced! It makes it hard to have privacy damned it!
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  #37  
Old 11-10-2011, 06:06 AM
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I have several times snuck out the back door on my way to a show without them knowing. It feels so highschool.
Oh come on, I bet that adds to the thrill of it! You naughty girl!
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  #38  
Old 11-10-2011, 06:07 AM
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I guess I posted it on another thread tagged "coming out." Thanks for pointing out that we don't owe our parents anything though NYCindie. I often feel like there is no one that believes that when I read coming out woahs... I guess its nice to feel accepted by ones parents, but really that is only because we are their children and looked for acceptance as children. We are adults now and should accept ourselves within ourselves I think. If we can live with ourselves then isn't that enough?
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  #39  
Old 11-10-2011, 08:43 PM
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My mom recently figured it out, not that it was hard, F moved in with me.

She asked a bunch of questions about how things would be when John got home, and said 'this is going to be interesting"

Most all our friends know, I'll never tell my dad, but then again he hasnt really spoken to me in... 4 years so even if he did backlash on me it wouldnt make a difference.

F's dad and step mom know, his mom is not really in his life. We of course will not tell the grandparents, though im sure my mom has told her mom and likely her whole family.

I want to tell John's parents so bad! I know it needs to be both of us, but F makes me so happy, i want to talk about him!
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  #40  
Old 12-01-2011, 05:09 PM
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Amazingly our parents that know of our triad are accepting of it for the most part. Siblings that know are all very accepting as well are our adult nieces qnd nephews that know. Most figured it out on their own and then ask what was goung on for confirmation that they were right. Those family members that don't know have just sort of accepted us into their families. If they are very observant they will figure it out. I like that I now have a rather large extended family.

We don't hide our relationship from our families we just dont broadcast it to everyone. Like I said though if they are very observant they will figure it out. We act very loving towards each other no matter who is around. We can't help it. Thats just how we are together all the time.
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