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  #51  
Old 07-13-2011, 06:26 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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So far I've found poly to be the land of awkward conversations - you don't quite know how to start, or end, or how to frame. Maybe folks who've been at this longer have found suave ways to convey 'Hey, I'm into you and yes, I'm married, and yes, he/she knows and is ok with it. Want to meet him/her?' without major awkward. But I certainly haven't. If you do decide to talk with Romeo's crush, being genuine and low key goes a long way.

When I suggested to pat yourself on the back, I didn't mean that you shouldn't mourn the loss of Knight as a lover. Breakups hurt. It's ok to be sad or pissed off or grumpy about it. You may want to mention to Romeo that you are totally ok with supporting him on his crush but you may need some reassurance, extra attention from him until you've moved on from Knight, whenever that may be.
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  #52  
Old 07-15-2011, 01:00 PM
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Yeah, I'm letting Romeo play it by ear as far as his crush goes. Right now it's just little signs of attraction, so he's not sure if it'll go anywhere or not. I'm just here offering support and encouragement.

Break ups do suck... I'm not sure if this technically "counts" as a break up since we never even had a "what are we" conversation, but it sure feels like one. I decided yesterday to block Knight's posts from my newsfeed on facebook and hide his online status. I kept catching myself trying to interpret the links and music videos he'd post, and his girlfriend keeps posting on his wall, and he keeps posting lovey dovey music videos dedicated "to you", which I assume is her... It's all perfectly normal and good, it just doesn't do me any good to see it. Maybe if I put him out of sight for the time being, it'll give me room to get over it.

I guess I don't need to think about it right now while I'm trying to maintain some distance for my own comfort, but I wonder how it'll be when we go back to hanging out as friends. We talked about physical boundaries... the obvious, no kissing, no sex, no showering together, but curling up and watching a movie together is probably OK. I'm wondering about massages now... he used to give me massages before we got involved, so it was a friendly thing, but... I don't know. Mind's just wandering. Now that I'm used to getting semi-regular massages, any knots I get in my back are more obvious than they used to be, so I'm tempted to ask him for a massage, but now I'm questioning whether I'm just seeking out his touch for its own sake.

I don't make any sense. Bah.

I'm very grateful Romeo is being so supportive, though. I really love that guy.
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  #53  
Old 07-15-2011, 05:23 PM
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It will be easier when someone else comes into the picture.
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  #54  
Old 07-16-2011, 10:06 PM
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Oh my. Funny you should mention that, nycindie.

I hung out with a friend of mine late last night, into the wee hours of the morning. Did not expect the kiss that transpired shortly before I left.

It was nice, though.

I'll not read too much into it. I think I put way too much of myself into the Knight situation, way too quickly. No more of that. If things develop, they will develop at their own pace, or even slower.

Listen to me, talking about going at a slow pace, and having just kissed another guy not a week after the Knight thing ended.
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  #55  
Old 07-17-2011, 07:46 PM
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Romeo and I went to a friend's birthday party last night. The friend I kissed the other night was there, so there were a few little flirty moments throughout the night.

There was also another guy there, a friend of a friend, who I've always found fascinating. I'd talked to him recently about Romeo and I and our newly open relationship. He tended to mingle closer to Romeo during the first few hours of the party, only moving towards me later on. He actually had gotten into a conversation with Romeo about the whole relationship thing, and later on talked to both of us about it, just in general terms, trying to see where we are with it, I guess.

After the three of us talked for a few minutes, Romeo wandered off for something, leaving the friend and I standing alone together. He told me that he was getting a distinct impression that Romeo is really not OK with this whole poly thing on some level, and described the way Romeo had broached the subject, explaining that he thought it was somewhat odd. He seemed genuinely concerned, and said that he thinks we should definitely make sure to focus on our communication if we're going to do this thing. I appreciated his concern. I was amused and flattered, though, because the entire time he was talking to me, even with the clear concern written on his face, he kept on dropping comments like "God, you're incredibly sexy, if you weren't already involved, I'd be hitting on you right now". It was like he kept on getting distracted from the point of his conversation by my feminine power or something. Very flattering, very attractive.

It's too bad he was clearly sensing red flags from Romeo and I, because I could easily see myself pursuing something with him or encouraging him to pursue something with me. He's always struck me as a very down-to-earth, yet very sensual person.

What was odd about the whole thing later on, though, was that Romeo went out of his way at the end of the night to tell me not to listen to anybody who tried to tell me that he wasn't happy with the situation. OK, well. I could listen to Romeo, or I could listen to the now two people who have indicated their concern at his feelings about the situation. I do know that Romeo has GREAT difficulty expressing to me any potentially negative feelings, or any feelings that might be received negatively.

I guess the most important thing to do as far as that goes is to keep on trying to communicate with him, and to encourage him to go ahead and go to therapy for himself, because he's been talking about wanting to do that anyway. I think it would help him to sort of find his voice, in a way.

Anyway, about the rest of the evening - Romeo had a brief attraction to a woman there, and went pretty much over-the-top flirting with her. We had talked before the party about what kinds of PDA would be acceptable during the party between the two of us; pretty much we decided that we'd mingle separately, for the most part, but that we would come together every so often for a brief contact. I came up beside him and pressed up close to him at one point, and he whispered to me that he needed some space because he was trying to pursue an attraction to the woman I previously mentioned. I gave him space, and he proceeded with his flirtation, and I with mine. The thing is, he was utterly aghast at the end of the evening when it turned out he'd been flirting with a psychologist. He was appalled and embarrassed, and wished he hadn't said some of the things he'd said, and felt like she'd been psychoanalyzing him the entire time. I think he has a deep-seated fear of being truly seen, I mean seen inside - seen for who he truly is. That's got a lot to do with why he has trouble opening up to me with discomfort or objections to this poly thing, I think...

I don't know, just something to ponder. I hope he gets counseling soon. I think it would help him a lot, regardless of what happens between us.

What else... oh, the guy I kissed. We kept up a mild flirtation through the night. We also shared a concern for a mutual friend in trouble... I hope she's OK, actually. She didn't want either of our company, but she reached out to both of us via text message. Whole 'nother story. Anyway, slight hitch in the attraction to this guy - we were texting each other every now and then during the party, and at some point, totally out of the blue (I guess it was the alcohol...??) he said he was going to send a naked photo of himself. I thought he was talking about sending it to our friend, and I text him back with "dumbass, lol." He sent it anyway, and turned out he meant me. Er... What? Why do I need to see you nekkid on my phone? I didn't open it, and deleted it today. Just seems a little crass, y'know? If I'm going to see a guy naked, I'd rather see it in person, and after things naturally progress to an intimate level. So... Eh. I'm still attracted to him, just cautious. I'm pretty sure I'm just a potential lay to him. On the other hand, he's usually very respectful and charming, and we do have really great, interesting conversations. Maybe it was just the alcohol, combined with the fact that we'd made out the night before. Hmm.

Ah, well. More things to ponder.

One thing's for sure, the attention of two attractive and interesting men over the course of the evening definitely helped to take my mind off the Knight thing. I'm not really interested in talking to Knight right now, maybe sometime in the future, but I'm not hurting over what happened.
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Last edited by vixtresses; 07-17-2011 at 07:55 PM.
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  #56  
Old 07-18-2011, 12:59 PM
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Study material for me (so I don't lose the links)
Casual Sex - Discussion
New awareness in sexuality

I'm pretty sure this guy just wants to bang me. He's awfully charming, but his motives are totally out in the open now since he tried to send me that naked pic (I've chalked it up to two things - one, he had had quite a bit to drink by that point, and two, he's been fairly active in the online dating world for quite some time now... maybe it's "normal" there). I haven't decided how I feel about what I believe are his intentions.
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Last edited by vixtresses; 07-18-2011 at 01:02 PM.
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  #57  
Old 07-18-2011, 01:11 PM
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I've seen discussions about this on OKCupid. For some reason, there is a particular subset of people who send "n00dz" of themselves without even being asked. It is met with puzzlement and ridicule by the larger dating community, and often disgust by the recipient. Of course, it might be "routine" for a dating site of people looking for just sex. Fortunately, I don't give potential dates my email address or real cell # until I know them a while (I give them a Google Voice number which can accept texts but not images). I would question his motives, too, I think.
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Last edited by nycindie; 07-18-2011 at 01:15 PM.
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  #58  
Old 07-18-2011, 01:18 PM
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vixtresses vixtresses is offline
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It's also kind of stupid on his part because he made it patently obvious that just happens to have a naked photo available on his cell phone. It wasn't like he went and took it "for me", he was at the party when he sent it, so I'm sure he's sent it to other people.

Of course, there is also the possibility that it was a joke of some kind. It does sound like the sort of thing he might pull for a laugh - send me something, call it a naked photo to see if I'd look, and it turns out to be something goofy and random, and then he can say "Gotcha! So you were curious, eh?" or something like that. Since it doesn't show up as a photo instantly on my phone (I would have had to "accept" the photo to see it, and I didn't), I have no idea. I guess I could just ask him. Maybe make fun of him a little for trying to send me a naked photo. If he can still face me after a little good natured ridicule, maybe he can stick around.
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  #59  
Old 07-18-2011, 01:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vixtresses View Post
Of course, there is also the possibility that it was a joke of some kind.
Burnsy and I did that once. We had had a discussion about sending pics (of any kind), and I told him I would never send sexy ones to anyone ever (you just never know where they will wind up eventually).

A few days later I send a message to his phone -- the subject was "My Pussy" and it was a pic of my cat. He responded with "My Junk" and it was a pic of his toolbox overflowing with stuff in his workshop. Tee-hee.
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  #60  
Old 07-18-2011, 01:28 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Did you put your phone with his tool box photo in your car trunk? Then his Junk would have been in your Trunk.

Couldn't help myself...
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