New and Scared

[Bangel]

Carma,
I have been reading your thread as well on your situation and feel for you. Thank you for you kind words and I hope for you that you will also find reselution and happiness. I believe the right love is out there for all of us. We just need to keep looking.

[Bangel]

Another long week in the life of Bangel. The wife ( will call her J ) anf I got together this weekend and had a pretty good time. Sunday was alittle emotional for both of us. Suppose to go to my mother's to watch football but she was to nervous and afraid she would get upset to go. We talked on the phone last night for about an hour. I asked her why she felt she needed to lie to me about the progress of their relationship and she told me she was afraid I would leave her if she told me the truth. She does not want to hurt me, even though this is hurting me. I told her I loved her and that I was there for her even if I was not there physically right now. She said she was caught off gaurd that I moved out and said she admired my courage. It woke her up and realized how important I am to her now that I am not there. I guess it is true that you don't appreceiate what you have until it is gone. It is not easy not living at home. I miss her deeply, and I know she misses me.

[dingedheart]

hows the sleep situation? Whats the purpose of these visits/get togethers/ dates. Who's idea are they?

[Bangel]

DH,
The sleep is still hard to come by. Only getting about 2 to 3 hours a night.

As for the visits we both agree on them. I know it may sound a little silly but we both still want to be with each other. Me not being home is hard for her and she wants to be able to see me. Might not be the greatest idea but it is mutual. I guess the other side of the coin would be she now has the best of both worlds, being able to see him whenevere she wants and still being able to see me as well. Although our visits are never long and few an far between. We do try to make the best of it. MAybe she is trying to figure out who she wants to be with. We do need to start talking about the situation and finding a solution. What ever that maybe.

[Carma]

Bangel,

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I admire your courage, too! Hang in there! Oh -- and GET SOME SLEEP, DAMMIT!!!

[Bangel]

Carma I will try to get some sleep and thank you for being concerned

[Minxxa]

I can understand sleep being hard, especially with anxiety and some sadness.

I've found that L-theanine (I get a supplement) helps with anxiety a bit. I also take a few things before bed to help-- melatonin, valerian root and a herbal sleeping aid called "calms forte". The melatonin and calmes forte help with falling asleep, the valerian helps to keep you asleep.

It doesn't always work, and sometimes I still wake up in the middle of the night for a couple of hours with racing thoughts, but then I go back to sleep. And hey, 6 hours of split sleep is better than 2-3.

Oh, and valerian root works great, but it smells (and kinda tastes) like dirty sweat socks so hold your nose!!

[redpepper]

hugs to you Bangel, thinking about you

[Bangel]

Well here we are at Christmas and the talk of couple counseling has come up. I agreed almost instantly, we started to talk again about the situation. We had not talked about it for almost a month now but since Christmas is coming she felt the need to tell me that he would be there Xmas morning to open gifts. Not totally excited about it but I will deal with it and not make any comotion about it. I have tried to get him to hang out but he does not join us. I am trying to find common ground here. Trying to make everyone comfortable at least for the holiday's. She has told me that she now feels like she has to choose between us. I told her I was sorry for putting her in this position. I have been told that maybe I am too nice, that I don't stand up for myself. Well here I am standing up for myself and I think they are having a hard time with this. I did move back in to the house with them and I guess Iam rocking the boat with this move back. The wife is torn between spending time with me and him. I do have a hard time with them spending time with each other with no decision being made. Not knowing what is going on and also knowing that they have lied to me about where there relationship has gotten too. Are they still moving forward or has there been a stop until things are figured out?

I find it hard to be happy and jovial with all of our lives being in the air right now. I do try to keep things as lite as I can but sometimes my emotions get the best of me. I see the sadness in her and it hurts me as well. Not sure what will happen but keeping an open heart and mind.

[dingedheart]

Hey bangle,

When and why did you move back.?


Do you feel less tortured being back or away? Or is it different?