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Old 06-09-2011, 02:02 AM
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Default How Do You Bring This Up With a "True Mono"??

Okay...

As a woman who loves both genders and all variations there on, but strongly prefers vaginas to penises...

I am facing a delima.

I am in a mono relationship with the world's most mono guy. He is older and very traditional in a lot of ways and I know that contributes to his attitudes in this area;

But he has more or less said that his idea of a good relationship (for him.) is one man, one woman, no additionals, no vees, no swinging.

Now, he has been cheated on in the past by an ex wife. And while I think that this behavior is deplorable on her part, I am having a hard time accepting the idea that I can never, ever, ever have a female partner again.

Any suggestions as to how to bring this up to him and what to say to get him to understand that I am not dissatisfied with him as a lover, just that I want a little gender variety?

I am afraid he will take it really personally, as a rejection of who he is and his ability to take care of me sexually and emotionally, if I request to have female partners.

I love him to pieces. But I just don't know how to approach this without hurting his feelings. (And that's the worse part; it will hurt him. not make him mad. Mad I could deal with. But I HATE hurting his feelings.)
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Old 06-09-2011, 04:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erosa View Post
Okay...

As a woman who loves both genders and all variations there on, but strongly prefers vaginas to penises...
Don't show him this LOL! That'll do nothing for his ego or sense of "not being enough".

Based on how you describe your boyfriend I think you will have to take a risk to get a possible gain. If I was you, I would focus on just how completely different sexuality with a woman is. You want to explain that this is like apples to oranges. Men are like apples...tonnes of variety but essentially the same fruit. Women on the other hand are oranges and there is ablsolutely no comparison to be made with apples.

I've gone through this with my ex-wife. Ultimately it didn't work for me but I gave it a shot.....I think it could have worked given a better foundation with her. Is your foundation with this man solid? And is he worth continuing with if he says no?

Maybe find some movies that deal with this and see how he responds to them. Usually people talk about the movies they see...perhaps you can get a feel for his reaction that way. Then you can teasingly approach the topic. Some questions cannot be unasked.
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Old 06-09-2011, 05:13 AM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Some questions cannot be unasked.
Dude that statement has big implications...just quietly sitting at the end of your post there.
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Old 06-09-2011, 05:49 AM
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I think I would start with "I love you to pieces and have been thinking and wondering...."
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Old 06-09-2011, 09:22 AM
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Yeah...I think you need to start respecting your own orientation and not place yourself in relationships that you know are impossible for you to maintain in the first place.

I'm not criticizing: I'm at the tail-end of going through this myself. I knew deep-down when I married my soon-to-be ex the following:
1. Even though it was only supposed to be a "marriage on paper," he would eventually take liberties, grow possessive and twist it into something more traditional.
2. It was unrealistic after my awakening to expect myself to go back to sleep and somehow will the truth away...un-shoot the gun, so-to-speak. I would eventually recognize surfacing needs and be stiffed and miserable or have no choice but to cheat and/or leave. It would become a bone of contention if I didn't fight for myself or end it then.

I chose unwisely.

You have entered a situation where you are now asking a mono to give up his sexual orientation so you can meet yours. You knew what your limitations were and still agreed to the current terms of the relationship with the mono. You need to be prepared to respect his limitations and either suck it up and go hungry or leave before the bitterness poisons you both.

I wish you the best. This is tricky.

Lots of love and strength...
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