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  #381  
Old 04-11-2013, 05:02 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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omg lol... now he messaged my gf! She basically said "Why would you want to talk to me when you think my gf's such a bitch?" and he was like "What, did she send you after me?" to which she responds "uhh... you messaged me. Which is surprising, since I mention my gf on my profile, and if you think she's such a bitch, why would you want to chat with her girlfriend?"
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
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The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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  #382  
Old 04-11-2013, 05:48 AM
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choctaw103 choctaw103 is offline
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I have such a problem responding to these without sounding like a run of the mill tool, maybe because I am. I just do the general "hey you sound really interesting and I'd like to hang out and get to know you" I'm such a damn geek. I just don't know what to say.
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  #383  
Old 04-11-2013, 06:59 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by choctaw103 View Post
I have such a problem responding to these without sounding like a run of the mill tool, maybe because I am. I just do the general "hey you sound really interesting and I'd like to hang out and get to know you" I'm such a damn geek. I just don't know what to say.
It would probably help to pick out what exactly it was about their profile that made them sound interesting - you like x/I like x, you like y/ I haven't met too many people interested in y, etc. You want to let them know that you actually read their profile and that x, y, and z about it intrigued you. "hey you sound really interesting and I'd like to hang out and get to know you" sound like something that you copy/pasted to 2000 girls profiles at once - because it doesn't reference anything specific about the girl you are messaging.

JaneQ

PS. Disclaimer - I have a pic-less OKC profile. Take my comments with a grain of salt. I can only talk about what would attract me (a poly bi girl) to respond to someone's message.
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
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  #384  
Old 04-11-2013, 08:01 AM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
It would probably help to pick out what exactly it was about their profile that made them sound interesting - you like x/I like x, you like y/ I haven't met too many people interested in y, etc. You want to let them know that you actually read their profile and that x, y, and z about it intrigued you. "hey you sound really interesting and I'd like to hang out and get to know you" sound like something that you copy/pasted to 2000 girls profiles at once - because it doesn't reference anything specific about the girl you are messaging.

JaneQ

PS. Disclaimer - I have a pic-less OKC profile. Take my comments with a grain of salt. I can only talk about what would attract me (a poly bi girl) to respond to someone's message.
I'd agree with this.

and to put more emphasis on it... not only -sound- like you read the profile, but -actually read the damn profile-.

I often read peoples' answers to questions on the site a lot. More than I actually ever send a message. Because I find that often, just reading some of the things they say in the question sections, have a lot more insight into who they are, than a few paragraphs [if you're lucky] that they wrote themselves on their main page.

As someone who is poly, one of the first questions I enjoy seeing is "would you be willing to have an open relationship?" or something along those lines. Because the answer given will give me a clue to give up right away, or carry on reading more answers to questions. =]

Then again, I'm one of the sad gits who has answered over 800 of those things, so far. A lot of them, with extra comments in the optional box.
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  #385  
Old 04-11-2013, 09:05 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Somegeezer View Post
I often read peoples' answers to questions on the site a lot. More than I actually ever send a message.
Yep, I think the questions are awesome. That's the whole point of OKC over other dating sites. Whenever someone messages me, I go straight to the "unacceptable answers" section and explore from there. That usually gives me a good nugget or two for a conversation. Then again, I like to challenge people...
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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  #386  
Old 04-11-2013, 02:06 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Yep, I think the questions are awesome. That's the whole point of OKC over other dating sites. Whenever someone messages me, I go straight to the "unacceptable answers" section and explore from there. That usually gives me a good nugget or two for a conversation. Then again, I like to challenge people...
I also read the questions on OKC when I was on that site. (OKC and I are 'it's complicated' right now. )

I was very open about being bisexual in my profile. And I was just stunned by several men who would contact me but who in their question responses were against same sex marriage, same sex adoption, etc. - but wanted to bang a bisexual woman. I know it's a vicious version of good enough to fuck but definitely not bring home to mama but still surprised me all the same.
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  #387  
Old 04-11-2013, 08:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by choctaw103 View Post
I just do the general "hey you sound really interesting and I'd like to hang out and get to know you" I'm such a damn geek. I just don't know what to say.
If I receive those kinds of messages, I usually just block the guy right away without even looking at his profile. If all he can say is, "You seem interesting & I wanna know you," I assume he really hasn't read my profile and is just sending the same lame sentence out to everyone. Plus, it comes off as arrogant - it's like just because he wants to know me, I should contact him? And since nothing specific in my profile is mentioned, it is also assumed he only looked at my pictures. Major turn-off. Interesting, ugh. What, EXACTLY, interested you?

Find something specific in a person's profile to comment on, and say why you relate to it or why it appeals to you. Write a few sentences, show some intellect, and a sense of humor. Don't ask them out in the first message, just say what sparked your interest and let it play out from there. Be willing to have a conversation first. We spend a lot of time and energy writing profiles, and responders should at least make some effort themselves to let us know it was worth the trouble.
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Last edited by nycindie; 04-11-2013 at 08:29 PM.
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  #388  
Old 04-12-2013, 04:28 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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With my latest interest (I call him Blondie on my blog), I saw he looked at my profile, so a day later I said, "Hey S___, what are you doing today?"

That's all it took. He told me what his plans were, I told him mine, and good convo ensued. It's not always so simple, so it was kinda cool.
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  #389  
Old 04-12-2013, 10:30 AM
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Morrigan Morrigan is offline
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The latest gems from my inbox:

Quote:
Hi, my name is f..., and I fell you are an enjoyable person to know. Would you like to be famous?


Quote:
I bet it would be lovely to breeze into you, Souly mind.
ugh!

Quote:
Hello!
You're cute and like your profile.
I'm interested in getting to know you.
That one is a 10% Match...with 95% Enemy...
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  #390  
Old 04-13-2013, 02:06 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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My gem of the day:

"guys don't like sloppy seconds you know"

Just that, nothing more.

(My profile has nothing about casual sex or MFM threesomes or whatever. Just poly and ethical non-monogamy.)

Gee, thanks for taking the time out of your day to call me a slut.
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