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  #21  
Old 11-14-2011, 02:56 AM
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I just logged in to OKC for the first time since about Thursday, three days ago. On Thursday, I received a message from a guy who claims to be poly although his profile doesn't mention it at all; he is listed as Married. I didn't feel that day like I had the energy to answer right away. I don't know if I'm interested or not, but I figured I'd check his profile again next time I log in and see if I wanna respond. If I do feel like I'm interested, I'd want to let him know that it's not just enough to say he's poly; I'd want to ask for some sort of proof.

I then forgot all about him and OKC all weekend. I was busy. It's only been three days, no biggie.

Anyway, as soon as I logged in tonight, the little pop-up window told me he was visiting my profile, and then I get this message telling me that he sees I've visited the site since his last message and would appreciate me telling him whether I'm interested or not. He worded it with lots of attitude. Sheesh, it's only been three fucking days. Nervy.
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Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2014 at 04:01 AM.
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  #22  
Old 11-14-2011, 06:07 AM
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"You have beautiful skin."

That was it.
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  #23  
Old 11-14-2011, 01:37 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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From POF:

Guy: r u bi?

Me: Yes. (I broke my own rule of not answering short messages but I was curious how he would respond.)

Guy: let's u n i hook up!!!!!!!!!

Me: [blocks Guy]

People are funny.
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  #24  
Old 11-14-2011, 09:54 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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I recently recieved a message that said:



That's it. Just a smiley face.

I sent one back
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  #25  
Old 12-02-2011, 07:59 PM
aronf13 aronf13 is offline
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I had a conversation with somebody i met on there who I really connect with and we were having a conversation about monogomy vs polyamory...I think there was an undertone that i was trying to convince her to be poly and she was resisting loll. It's actually kind of a bummer because I really like her and we connect on really deep levels

(6:21:28 am)aronf131:space is super important for boundaries
(6:21:36 am)aronf131:finding the right level of time you want to spend with eachother
(6:21:40 am)aronf131:and compromising that
(6:22:10 am)aronf131:sometimes one person wants to spend more time than the other person
(6:22:25 am)to_jenn:yeah there needs to be a balance
(6:22:28 am)aronf131:but understanding it doesn't necessarily mean that means one person loves you more or less
(6:23:10 am)to_jenn:i don't know i guess i'm just idealistic and want these things to be mutual
(6:23:27 am)to_jenn:i feel like there will always be tension if one person wants more than the other can give
(6:23:33 am)aronf131:thats why i'm poly, if one relationship can't fulfill all my needs getting malcontent is inevitable, if one person doesn't wanna spend as much time with me or i don't wanna spend as much time with them that's okay, we still connect with what we have
(6:24:11 am)aronf131:i have an opposite understanding haha
(6:24:50 am)aronf131:it's harder to balance perhaps, but so is monogomy just in different ways, all depends on what your core beliefs are i think
(6:25:28 am)to_jenn:yeah i think so
(6:25:50 am)aronf131:it's so hard to achieve mutuality don't you think though?
(6:26:03 am)to_jenn:yes for sure
(6:26:03 am)aronf131:like have you had it in any of your past relationships?
(6:26:08 am)aronf131:i've never had that
(6:26:10 am)aronf131:maybe moments
(6:26:12 am)aronf131:but fleeting
(6:26:19 am)aronf131:love is fleeting
(6:26:28 am)to_jenn:what kind of mutuality?
(6:26:36 am)to_jenn:like feeling love for the person?
(6:26:49 am)to_jenn:yes definitely
(6:26:53 am)aronf131:and you can't try to fit it in boxes that it's meant to, but everyone always wants to
(6:27:12 am)aronf131:i mean whatever you meant - wanting eachother equally
(6:27:33 am)aronf131:boxes it's not meant to*
(6:27:33 am)to_jenn:yeah i think i've had that
(6:27:51 am)to_jenn:the mutual desire
(6:27:59 am)aronf131:that's wonderful
(6:28:04 am)to_jennf course there were external circumstances that prevented us from seeing each other as often as that
(6:28:10 am)to_jenn:but yeah
(6:29:01 am)aronf131:sometimes i feel like i can be so many different things, and i'm always different people depending on who i'm with
(6:29:37 am)to_jenn:i feel that way too
(6:29:40 am)to_jenn:always adapting
(6:30:08 am)aronf131:but it's sooooo useful for navigating
(6:30:23 am)aronf131:that's good, being adaptable is soo important
(6:31:08 am)aronf131r just growing up, learning to accept wherever your experiences lead you, letting go of atttachment and fear
(6:31:27 am)aronf131:but so many sides need expression, and on deep levels, not on the level i could achieve with friendship
(6:32:14 am)aronf131:my ideal is living with a group of lovers haha
(6:32:25 am)to_jenn:ah wow
(6:32:28 am)to_jenn:that would be interesting
(6:32:50 am)aronf131:commune where we're all open and honest and communicative and different needs being met by everyone so that we can express all sides of ourselves
(6:33:16 am)to_jenn:that sounds pretty amazing though
(6:33:21 am)aronf131:I KNOW haha
(6:33:51 am)aronf131:and like growing our own food living in nature haha
(6:34:03 am)aronf131:making music all day and art \o/
(6:36:58 am)aronf131:always pushing your limits always learning more about yourself
(6:37:02 am)aronf131:infinite growth
(6:37:06 am)aronf131:ahhh so amazing
(6:37:18 am)aronf131:to never stop developing always new situations
(6:37:39 am)aronf131:i don't blame you it maybe sounds a little intesne
(6:37:43 am)to_jenn:i don't know, i can't say it even appeals to me
(6:38:51 am)to_jenn:i don't know if it's just a set of conditioned beliefs and fears or these things are genuinely just not for me
(6:39:03 am)to_jenn:i lean towards the latter
(6:39:32 am)to_jenn:because i don't have like any negative reaction towards it
(6:39:39 am)to_jenn:i just feel indifferent
(6:39:54 am)aronf131:negative reactions is a sign of fear for sure
(6:40:02 am)to_jenn:yeah
(6:40:20 am)aronf131:i never had fear against it though
(6:40:38 am)aronf131:i just had so many difficulties with relatoinships and i always feared i always would
(6:41:50 am)to_jenn:yeah i've been there
(6:41:51 am)aronf131:it was the answer for me
(6:42:03 am)to_jenn:that's great
(6:43:57 am)to_jenn:i think i've always been a hopeless romantic type
(6:44:26 am)to_jenn:and i don't feel like giving that up yet
(6:44:45 am)aronf131:wordd
(6:44:54 am)aronf131:i hope you find what you're looking for!

*(walks away sad)*
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  #26  
Old 12-03-2011, 03:40 PM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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Aronf, don't be sad about it. You've obviously been having a lovely chat with this person. Perhaps a great friendship could bloom out of it? No need to give up ia conversation with someone you get on with, just because you may not become lovers. That's a silly idea.
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  #27  
Old 12-03-2011, 03:57 PM
nllswing nllswing is offline
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Below is a message I recently sent:

Gosh, we are so, so different!

You have an interesting profile, which is not surprising provided that you are an artist. Too bad that guys who are on the science side can't make such interesting photos. In any case, I have been told that I have intelligence and sense of humor; not sure about the hotness part though.
Here I am looking for new friends. Among other things, I can entertain friends on things like science, law, languages (I know a few), foreign literature unheard of, and pretty much anything you throw at me.

If you are interested in making friends, let me know

P.S.
You have an interesting nickname. While I have spent a bunch of years on things that sound like "chemistry" I had to look it up. The fist thing that came in mind when I saw it was "Saracen."


The answer I got is below:
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  #28  
Old 12-05-2011, 03:11 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hey Aronf13, was that the actual username of the person you were chatting with on OKC? If so, did you get permission from them to share the chat transcript and reveal their OKC username here? All of us here who have shared actual messages have been careful not to reveal who sent them. Everything posted in this forum comes up in Google searches, so let's all be careful.
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  #29  
Old 12-05-2011, 05:56 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nllswing View Post
Below is a message I recently sent:

Gosh, we are so, so different!

You have an interesting profile, which is not surprising provided that you are an artist. Too bad that guys who are on the science side can't make such interesting photos. In any case, I have been told that I have intelligence and sense of humor; not sure about the hotness part though.
Here I am looking for new friends. Among other things, I can entertain friends on things like science, law, languages (I know a few), foreign literature unheard of, and pretty much anything you throw at me.

If you are interested in making friends, let me know

P.S.
You have an interesting nickname. While I have spent a bunch of years on things that sound like "chemistry" I had to look it up. The fist thing that came in mind when I saw it was "Saracen."


The answer I got is below:
Since you offered perspective to me on a different thread,( and seem to be trying to figure out how to approach women,..) I`ll offer you some perspective here.

Your reach out,..is one that would bore me, if I was the woman. Why ? It tries too hard to find common ground. I am a 'happenstance' type of person. Common ground just has to be there, like a light-bulb going off, and conversation flows easily.
It can`t be led, or forced. I can`t speak for other women, but I detest, someone trying to lead me into conversations, and then direct them.
When someone does that, I immediately know they they are ready to gear themselves towards what might appeal to me, rather then letting nature dictate likenesses.
Any communication is then built on this faux-platform of catering to what the other wants to hear.

I am not picky either. I don`t expect people to blow me away with their credentials, nor be awesome with grammar. I don`t ignore people based on being bored. I would respond to that message, but I most likely would say;

' Hey thanks for taking the time to reach out. I don`t really see any true common ground between us, but I wish you well on your search.'

I`ve not had anyone tell me to go fuck myself, after having said that, but have had people try and push the issue, saying I didnt give them a chance. I`ve said my peace at that point, and don`t get into a debate.

'True' common ground happens (in my mind) when you read a profile and they might mention a very particular restaurant, book, concert etc, that you liked, enjoyed, or saw. Maybe they have a expression that you use also. Whatever.
That 'light-bulb' happens, and you can't help but share.
It does not mean you have 'high match percentages' nor even a whole lot of similiarities.
It is merely a starting point that will either grow, or die-off of its own accord.

Disclaimer : I may be a chick of a different feather, ftr. I tend to do the approaching, rather then wait to be approached.

Last edited by SourGirl; 12-05-2011 at 07:21 PM.
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  #30  
Old 12-05-2011, 11:25 PM
nllswing nllswing is offline
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SourGirl.

Thank you for the suggestions and for the advice. There is nothing I disagree with. What you say makes sense, including the disclaimer.

With the message we are discussing, though, the situation was slightly different. Her profile offered nothing I cold pick as a specific common ground, unless we were to make the link too attenuated. For this reason, what I wrote to her was an attempt to invite her to find something in me that would be of interest to her. People are not interested in "similarities' only. It did not work.

To others, whose profiles offered specific information in which I could sink my teeth in, I wrote different messages with the same success.

Thant being said, I was a bit imprecise in my messages in the sense that one woman did answer, two weeks after I wrote to her, and we have been exchanging mail once every few days. She is openly poly, but I don't feel sexually attracted to her. She is an interesting person, though, and I hope me make friends. My original message to was similar to those sent to others.
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