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  #31  
Old 10-28-2009, 07:00 AM
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maca maca is offline
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I have to second V's post. At the very least keep it as a friendship till Mountainboy and M have built some sort of friendship or till one or the other calls it quits.Of course Mountainboy and M would have to put forth an honest effort to making a friendship. Lady should not ( cant) be expected to wait for an indetermined amount of time for progress.
Im in the process of building this friendship with C atm.Its not an easy or fun thing to do. But I Love LR and although C has hurt me deeply to the core of my being he has also put forth the effort to make it up to show me he was only doing the best he could by the woman we both love. He has shown me this by having my back when things got rough between LR and me.He has shown a commitment to the family not just to LR. These are things that M will have to do to earn the trust back. These are things that Mountainboy will have to accept in faith.

It wont be easy and I really do know where you are at Mountainboy and its ok to have those feelings its what you do about them that matters.You can PM me any time.

Peace and Love
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  #32  
Old 10-29-2009, 12:23 AM
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ladyjools ladyjools is offline
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at the moment it is just friendship with M, because i know i have a lot of work to do to be able to build things again in a way that is not hurting anyone,

i am also busy establishing a relationship with R,
and i think concentrating on one new relationship at a time is prob wise,

I want M to be a part of my future but i am willing to be patiant so that we can do things properly this time, i didn't know how to do polyamoury when we started over 2 years ago i didn't even realise it was possible now i know that there is a way to love more than one person without having to lie or cheat i wish i had known then what i know now,

Jools
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  #33  
Old 10-29-2009, 12:33 AM
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There's a really big difference between being "friends for now" because you have work to do, and other things to attend to that just make being in another relationship too hard at the moment, and being FRIENDS - whether for now, or forever or any length of time inbetween because you're respecting your partner's feelings.

It's wonderful that polyamory is working for you, it really is! But at this point, you're only remaining friends with M because it's convenient for you - not out of respect for TheMountainBoy's feelings. You still have your ultimatium on the table - and I really hope that doesn't ruin your relationship.

I truly wish the best, and wish for you guys to be a success story. It will be a long road to becoming one, but it's happened - look at LovingRadiance and Maca! But they are not a common thing in ANY scope of relationships. Don't expect similar results.
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  #34  
Old 10-29-2009, 01:09 AM
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ladyjools ladyjools is offline
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if i made the promise to only remain friends with M and never more, i think i would be making a promise that i can't keep long term,

i was so unhappy for the year i cut M out and i was not a happy nice partner for montianboy, and so i made a choice and i am taking a risk,
i believe that montianboy and I are strong enough to get through this (we have been through far worse together and come out the other end)
but im not counting on it,
i have no idea where this path is going to lead me i am prepared for any outcome, i just have to have faith in what i have with montianboy and M and R,

on a positive note
we had a sort of date night tonight and it was lovley to spend time as a couple without talking about any of this and just enjoying being together

Jools
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  #35  
Old 10-29-2009, 01:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyjools View Post
if i made the promise to only remain friends with M and never more, i think i would be making a promise that i can't keep long term,

i was so unhappy for the year i cut M out and i was not a happy nice partner for montianboy, and so i made a choice and i am taking a risk,
i believe that montianboy and I are strong enough to get through this (we have been through far worse together and come out the other end)
but im not counting on it,
i have no idea where this path is going to lead me i am prepared for any outcome, i just have to have faith in what i have with montianboy and M and R,

on a positive note
we had a sort of date night tonight and it was lovley to spend time as a couple without talking about any of this and just enjoying being together

Jools
You missed my point, I think. lol But it's moot anyway. I'm glad you guys were able to have a nice date. Those are wonderful. There's so much drama in my life with HMA and Anne, it's AWESOME when any two of us, or all three of us can just get together and enjoy one another's company without worrying about it.

Here's to hoping you get through it!
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  #36  
Old 10-29-2009, 01:24 AM
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dont' ask me why,
but i have a very deep intuative feeling that we will, i don't believe this is the time for us to break up,
we are happy in every other aspect of our lifes and there is a very strong bond that i do believe we can get through this one way or another, even if its not easy,

from reading this post it sounds like talking about M has taken over our lifes but thats not the case we have a lot of other things to be happy about and enjoy together.

Jools
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  #37  
Old 10-30-2009, 12:44 AM
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maca maca is offline
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Just a quick note :

I have read in a few places in this thread : Promises, Ultimatum,"cant promise I wont".

Its not really fair to give those terms and on the other side its not right to ask for those terms.Its to easy to get feelings hurt or to get stuck in a demanding rut.Just a warning to be carefull what you( in general)say and what you( in general) ask for.

Peace and Love
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  #38  
Old 10-30-2009, 07:19 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyjools View Post
i just hope that the entire forum doesn't hate me now!
i am feeling ever so slightly unpopular lol
not at all!!!!

This has been an interesting read and made me soften my stance on cheating... well, not the cheating, but the cheaters.

thanks for that!

There really is two sides to every coin and I understand that desperate people do desperate things that hurt others and themselves... sometimes unknowingly and sometimes because they are blinded by their desperateness. Thank you for showing me that some people who cheat can move forward and start making changes in their lives, start asking for what they need and start healing... in turn they heal others.

I admire you ladyjools and Lovingradiance, you are standing by what you need in the face of losing it all and in the face of a lot of pain and anguish.

I like violets signature, "Love is giving someone the power to completely destroy you, and trusting that they won't." I think it sums it up for me when I read all that is posted here and elsewhere about your stories and how you are figuring it out....

Thanks for the sharing and hard work you put in to make your lives and of those around you better. I don't see any selfishness here, just a determination to live like you only have one life to live. Nothing wrong with that. What ever happens will be for the greater good if you are on a path such as that in my belief.
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  #39  
Old 11-27-2009, 02:50 PM
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TheMountainBoy TheMountainBoy is offline
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I been away a wee hile and not been dealign with properly. I been letting teh hatred and anger cloud my judgement and was feeling really low. Convinced myself i was fighting a losing battle and that Jools would be better off with teh others.

I couldn't totally understand why i was ok with R being part of equation but i wasn't ok with M. I know i said in past that what he did was wrong - and it was but they both were wrong.
I think i been tryign to punish Jools also and thats wrong.

So in effect i realised i need to accept i've been wrogn in a lot of teh ways i've been dealign with it and move on. I need to swallow the hatred and anger and try to stop them from poisoning me (it's teh only way i can describe it)

it's goign to be difficult though and hope Jools can be patient.

Again thank you all who replied and offered support and words of wisdom
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  #40  
Old 11-27-2009, 02:54 PM
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ladyjools ladyjools is offline
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you don't need to swollow your anger, Anger is as real and as important as any other emotion,
i want you to talk to me when you feel angry, i want us to work on that together as a couple and not skip past it to the end but actually work through all together

I love you

Jools
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