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  #41  
Old 12-21-2009, 07:32 PM
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Bowvine Bowvine is offline
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I have gained mountains of knowledge, insight and perspective from these forums. I've also been able to speak to people privately about my situation who have had similar things happen to their relationships. I think the forums help me, because I don't feel alone with whatever is happening. If I am really going through it, or I am super pumped, I find others experiencing similar things here.

As far as privacy, has phpbb 3 been considered? I'm pretty sure it has a mechanism to keep all registered users and forums private. I can't pull any information on this other site searching google with my username and the url of the site.

On here, my profile pops up as number 3 on the google hit list. Icky.

One suggestion I have is to make viewing and posting in the forums require the viewer to be registered. Have unregistered forums for site intro and rules for posting, then make all registration, and registered forum info hidden from the websearch world.

Just a thought.
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  #42  
Old 12-21-2009, 08:39 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bowvine View Post
One suggestion I have is to make viewing and posting in the forums require the viewer to be registered. Have unregistered forums for site intro and rules for posting, then make all registration, and registered forum info hidden from the websearch world.
We'd already made some portions non-viewable by unregistered guests and those members not logged in. Now most of the boards are non-viewable with being logged in, so that might shut out the search engines. Nothing in the help files mentions it specifically, so I hope it works.
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  #43  
Old 12-21-2009, 09:19 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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I think from what I've seen thus far that there's been good communications and educational value in the forum (overall).
I do agree with what a couple of people have mentioned in that it's on occasion taken a Jerry Springer-ish turn, which in my opinion doesn't really contribute to the whole in any real meaningful way. Maybe this is kind of what some are feeling when they feel a need for some way to "privatize" some of the conversations ? Maybe one solution to that would be simply to create a section called "The Hot Seat" or somesuch and to encourage people, when they get this private back & forth thing going that distracts from the OP, to just take it to the Hot Seat and work out their differences there. I think that would leave the OP thread cleaner and more valuable for either visitors, folks new to the whole concept & curious, or people who just want to soak up theory & practice rather than debate. I guess I question the value for the greater number in watching 2 or 3 strong personalities hash out their differences in public. By giving them a place to do that and allowing those people interested to go there and engage or follow along maybe everyone's needs could be met.
But overall I think the forum has much potential for both educating people new to the experience or acting as a sounding board for more experienced people who may have just come into a circumstance that is new to THEM and would call out for insights from others.

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  #44  
Old 02-01-2011, 07:44 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Default How does writing on this forum affect your relationships?

Good thread, Mono!

I find myself putting things in black and white, narrative confessional form, or just sort of yelling out into the Universe at all of you. I have told lots of people about this site. I don't really know who's reading and am not too worried about it. Feels good to hear and tell stories.

For me, there is always a conversation following any post that Charlie, CF, or I make. We write road maps for each other in our questions and reporting, sharing with you and each other, and it makes it easier to talk about things and focus. The feedback from others takes off the pressure and backs down our egos. Great way to start a conversation and a bounty of good information.

One positive/negative yin-yang aspect is that the three of us are all fantastic writers. We are the dreaded creative types. We get carried away with the spirit. We can accelerate from random to grandiose in the time it takes to craft a daring sentence with intriguing verbs.

Sometimes this results in misunderstandings or a feeling of being obligated to respond, and write to the others' posts, like an artistic collaboration. This leads us ahead of ourselves sometimes. It reveals the epiphany without having done the work.

-R
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Last edited by Rarechild; 02-01-2011 at 09:05 PM. Reason: toe stepping
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  #45  
Old 02-01-2011, 08:03 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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In summary from my perspective:
Positives -

- The forum has given me an outlet for my self-analysis and by thinking about the issues of others I have been pushed to look at my own inner workings.
- The forum has also been a way of communicating with Redpepper as we discuss each other’s responses.
- Some people make a comment that indirectly answers questions I have but did not even identify yet!

Negatives -

- Sometimes I take on the issues of others and end up putting myself in their shoes so to speak. There is not a lot of poly dynamics I could be healthy in so this happened a lot LOL!!
- Sometimes Redpepper and I read too much into our responses or misinterpret each other which leads to a lot of discussion about non-issues.
- There have been times where I became so frustrated or disillusioned by the stories or ideas of others that I felt like surrendering. I forgot that although this is real life, this is not my life.
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Last edited by Rarechild; 02-01-2011 at 09:06 PM.
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  #46  
Old 02-01-2011, 08:18 PM
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I wish I had another forum name some days

Mono and I have been here since "we" began almost. I doubt we would still be together if we did not have this place to come to... I am dedicated to it because of this and give as much as I receive.

PN and I don't have this place and I notice a marked difference in our relationship. He has taught me stuff in a different way and I him. We discuss things from here often and he is always fascinated, but the emotional turmoil he just cannot deal with if he is here.
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  #47  
Old 02-01-2011, 10:24 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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This forum has shown me how not to treat my husband.
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  #48  
Old 02-01-2011, 10:49 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I wish I had another forum name some days
God, I understand that!
There are times when I just want to get some UNBIASED feedback on something I'm feeling/needing whatever-but I don't feel like I can do that because I'm too "well-known".
I imagine it's worse for both of you-cause you are so much more regular on here!

It's been good for me to find people that helped me not feel like I'm a total fuck-up.

It's been bad because like others have said, sometimes I take on other people's stories/situations as though they are my own.
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  #49  
Old 02-01-2011, 11:15 PM
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I haven't posted much on here yet, but I do read a lot of the posts - and the biggest benefit of this forum for me is that I makes me feel as though I am not alone in choice to live an "alternative" lifestyle with my fiance and our fantastic girlfriend. Just knowing that there is a vast community of real people who I can fall back on for support, guidance and for reassurance that living my life the way I feel is right isn't "wrong" is a huge positive.
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  #50  
Old 02-02-2011, 05:12 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Old thread resurfaced - good !

I think this forum has grown and matured over the last couple years to a point it's making significant positive contributions.
I was just discussing this with a potential new member the other day - remarking how it's rare a day goes by that you don't see a big "thank gawd I found this place" post somewhere in some thread.
The Springer Effect seems to have pretty much disappeared - seems only a couple of spaniels left in the pen. And hell - we all need a little amusement and relief from the struggles sometimes.

GS
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