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Old 06-17-2011, 12:23 PM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 79
Default Greetings community


This is a weird thing for me to do, but then again, so is life these days. I am a hypersenstive mono, at soon 36, who has been (is in!) an extremely good and safe relationship with my partner for soon 13 years. We have no kids, and no interest in having any. She started talking about feeling different 3-4 years ago, but I didn't think more of it. Then one of my best friends, who I ironically lost contact with then meeting my partner, got back into my life. Him and my partner clicked instantly and grew to become very good friends, both being carved from the same tree. They have steadily gotten closer, and a few weeks ago my partner "broke down" and told me she loved him, and would like a relationship with him. He is a truly good friend of mine, and I love him dearly. I have decided to accept (I'm not fooling myself by saying I have already accepted) that she is truly poly and can love two people just as much and intensely. I have been jumping between accepting and flailingly scared, but we decided, mutually, to try this, yesterday. So, yesterday, he became her secondary. We have agreed on a boundary of loving touching, but no kissing yet. I have read many forum-posts warning about boundaries, but we all agree on them, they are both ecstatic about being able to touch each other in front of me, and I like it. I feel the warmth and energy, and I trust both of them 100% to not abuse the trust we have, and my heart. And my partner already loves me multitudes more than before. And I can feel that my friend and I grow closer, and we can all see great things in our future...

and then the pain comes...and hurt...and I feel scared...but I have started writing down my feelings and emotions. I always have my notebook, practically my diary now, by my side. And I cannot overstate the importance this has already had for us. I used to rant and flail to my partner, who has shown the most amazing patience and trust in this, and it wore her out, I wasted her fantastic love in a way I didn't know I could do. Now, I can sort out my feelings, find what I need and then go to her. Usually it's just a cuddle.

I am blessed with a fantastic partner who when realising she was poly, had no interest in an open relationship. She doesn't want ANOTHER partner, she wants more in life, and I really think we have a fantastic possibility of being a full triad at some point.

I see so many posts on forums from people with worse starts, and I am truly sorry for that. I already feel the terror and pain, and I have an extremely open and loving partner. I truly hope this will work out. Day 1 of our new relationship was a grand success. I walked the dog while they prepared dinner, and I have never felt so truly free as when I strolled along, knowing I didn't have to rush home, to sort out time-schedule for preparing dinner etc etc...

and then the pain returns...the fear of losing her, of not being able to handle this...I know this is normal, but I would really like to get in touch with others in a similar situation and talk about this, share techniques for dealing and coping, and making this fantastic opportunity work. I think I am more of a closet-poly than I realise, but I am also hypersensitive when it comes to my partner.

Anyways, that was probably way too much info for this specific group, introduction.
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Old 06-18-2011, 12:51 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Welcome aboard.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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